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Happy Holidays You Bah-Hum-Buggin’ Vamps

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Do you hear what I hear? It’s almost that magical time of year when people from around the world reach out to each other from the dark and cold days of mid-winter to celebrate love, birth, sharing, and good will with festivity, song, dance, and many, many symbols. Alas, not everyone is keen on these ideas.

Happy Holidays You Bah-Hum-Buggin’ Vamps ©2005 Diana M Hartman
(Sung to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It”)

If you’re vandalizin’ that Nativity,
It’s because you’re on our private property.
If you try to block our Christmas ‘cos you think it is your business,
The police might find you choking on a wreath.

If our Hanukkah upsets you get a life.
Our menorah burns despite your “civil rights.”
If you don’t like that we’re Jewish ‘cos you are so bored and ghoulish,
You can sit upon our dreidel, spin all night.

We’re Agnostic and we really like our tree,
And beneath it there is no nativity.
Still our rights are as protected as you think they are subjective.
Happy Holidays, get off my lawn you creep.

Winter Solstice brings us from a dreary fog.
It’s our Sun god’s time to hear us sing in togs.
If you cloud up our festivities with your borish incivilities,
We might have to smack you with our Yule log.

Oh you grinches and your “I’m offended” gruff,
We’ve all banded up together ‘gainst your stuff.
No it’s not unconstitutional, and we’ve formed a big tribunal;
We are here to tell you we have had enough.

We are Christian, we are Jewish, and we’re proud.
We’re Agnostic, we’re from Druids, hear us loud.
We will sing and we will dance and we will seriously prance.
You don’t get to say we never were allowed.

Merry Christmas in your face, here have some ham.
Happy Hannukah, be useful, light a lamp.
Joyous Yule, you can’t stop it, why not go ahead and drop it.
Happy Holidays you bah-hum-buggin’ vamps!

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About Diana Hartman

Diana is a USMC (ret.) spouse, mother of three and a Wichita, Kansas native. She is back in the United States after 10 years in Germany. She is a contributing author to Holiday Writes. She hates liver & motivational speakers. She loves science & naps.