I just want to tell you about something that happened to me. I have never told this to anyone before, because it has so strange and I didn’t think anyone would believe me. Also, it was just so special and close to my heart that I wasn’t sure I wanted to share it with anyone.
But I think it’s time.
I love farmer’s markets, I love to go and see all the interesting things for sale, and all the different kinds of fruits and vegetables that you never get to see anywhere else. I like to try and talk to the people and ask them about their produce.
Several years ago, on the first of June when the world is busy growing things, I saw the most interesting stall at the market. They were selling plants, some of them with flowers and some that were herbs. I went through them, touching and smelling all the beautiful plants. I’d picked out two kitchen herbs, and then I caught the scent of a new plant I’d never seen before. The smell drew me to the plant, which was beautiful and lush. I didn’t know what it was for, but the smell was so nice I had to buy it.
The person selling the plants didn’t speak English. I wanted to ask her about the plant, but it was useless. She didn’t even want to try to talk about it. She saw I had the other plants, and gave me a price through sign language for those. But the third plant she wouldn’t even discuss. I kept asking her for it, and she finally stopped and looked me straight in the face for a moment. I felt very scrutinized, and stood still for her appraisal.
Finally she turned, and handed me the plant, indicating no charge.
I was thrilled! I took them all straight home, before she could change her mind. I set my plants up outside on my sunny balcony, near the swinging seat so I could enjoy them.
Just as I had settled them into place, my doorbell rang. This cute boy I’d just met, and was hoping to get to know a lot better had stopped by to say hello. Of course, I had to show him my new plant.
What do you know? When we went out to look at my mysterious plant, a flower had bloomed. How had I not noticed that before?
Do you know what this plant is? I asked him. He had bent over to smell the pretty purplypink flower, and he had the strangest look at him face.
“Let me smell” I said. It was a hugely intoxicating smell. We both stopped and breathed it in. It filled me with some kind of longing.
The smell followed my young man and me back into the living room, filling our senses. He turned to me, about to say something, but when our eyes met it was like someone turned up the temperature.
We walked straight into one another and lost everything but our senses. Breath and skin and warmth and smell and touch became the whole universe. The breeze of his panting breath on my prickling skin and his hair through my fingers and the heat of his skin on mine, my hair rubbing his skin. All the ways our bodies could feel inside and against each other twining and sliding. The world collapsed on the five compass points of our senses and then exploded in all directions. There was no stopping. Again and again like nothing I’d even thought of attempting. He was the most interesting object in the world, excepting only the fascinating entity my body had become.
I didn’t care what he thought. I didn’t care what I thought. He didn’t object but even if he had it would not have been something I could concern myself with. I had to have his body for mine.
When dawn came, we at last collapsed satisfied. He left to clean up and let himself out. I didn’t even notice when he left. I was filled utterly and completely by contentment. External things had nothing to do with me. The sun shafting across my bed and over my skin was perfection. I rested, and time slipped away from me.
Maybe it was a whole day, I don’t know for sure. When I got out of bed I tried to put on some jeans but they were uncomfortably tight. I got something with an elastic band and went to water my plants.
My beautiful flower had dropped off already, but just as my heart dropped in disappointment I saw that a small fruit was forming where the flower had been. A purplypink fruit barely begun. It touched my heart, the perfect small fruit.
The sun felt so good, I went inside to get some honey tea and sat outside. I snoozed on my swing and inhaled the smells of my little garden.
I’ll be honest it felt so good I ignored things I might have otherwise taken very seriously. My new waistline, for example. My jeans, which had been loose before, were nowhere near fitting by the end of the week. Even my sweats had to be pulled down to practically pubic level after the second week. I was quite obviously pregnant, and in some fast-forward kind of way.
Once in a while, when I would have to find something even looser to fit around my changing body I would consider the consequences of this in a detached sort of way. Perhaps I ought to do something.
But the way I felt, nothing could be wrong. I lazed in the sun, which had become intoxicating. My hair shone and seemed to grow inches a day. My skin took on a healthy glow that none of the ridiculous products under the bathroom sink had ever achieved. Despite the incredible mushrooming my abdomen was undergoing, the skin was smooth and beautiful, not a single stretch mark to be seen.
I was happy and pleased with everything. I loved my body, and in the thought-free hours, days I spent in my little garden I would stroke myself, my legs my arms my breasts and my belly glorying in the rightness of every part.
I loved that my belly could grow so perfectly huge like a watermelon. I loved the twiney vines of my hair. I loved the ideal function and beautiful art of the skin and flesh that was me. Nothing was needed; everything was exactly as it should be.
I would rub my hands in circles over my belly and sing strange little songs. It felt like there was no time but the moment. The sun in the day, and darkness and sleep at night.
Of course, the fruit on my plant was growing too. I watch in complete satisfaction as the purplypink fruit grew as I swelled. I had become tight as round and warm in the sun.
It was on the 21st of June, the summer solstice I came outside as I’d been doing for the last three weeks and saw the fruit growing on the plant. I touched it and it fell into my palm. I raised it up to smell it, but surprised myself by taking a bite.
It was indescribably delicious, irresistible to the last scrap, and I licked the juice off my fingers in bliss.
But the moment I had licked the very last lick, a force like a lightning bolt shot through my body. I was splitting in two! With a scream I fell to floor, trying to curl up into a ball. I rocked and moaned, then crawled crying into a corner, trying to move out of my own body. I braced myself in the corner, convulsing and howling from the agony.
There in the dark, I delivered to the world a creature like nothing I had ever seen. On the ground between my legs this tiny perfect beautiful purplypink girl had arrived. As the pain subsided my mind cleared, and I stared in amazement. She was so beautiful. I can’t tell you how I knew she was female, but she was. I was afraid that she might be dead, so I reached out and lifted her. As I did so, the cord dropped off her.
She was sticky and wrinkled and her eyes were crinkled shut. But when I lay forward into the daylight, her eyes blinked open and she looked straight into my face. Her beautiful green eyes knew me, knew more about me than I did.
In the sunlight, her skin soaked up the stickiness and glowed. I stroked her soft hair and body and told her how beautiful she was, how glad I was she had arrived. That the world was full of sunlight and fresh air. When I told her, she smiled. Her eyes told me that she already knew.
I cried tears of joy for her, and we went to the swing. She was wiser and already growing strong in the few moments she had been in the sun. I fell asleep holding her.
You will probably not be surprised when I tell you, I woke up to find her gone. The sun had strengthened her and she didn’t need me.
My mysterious plant had also dried up. It was a brown fallen stalk.
I don’t know where my lovely girl-creature is. But I think of her when the sun goes down and say a prayer for her – To her?
Oh, but she did leave me something. Some purplypink seeds were in my hand when I woke up. I haven’t planted them yet. I think I’ll know when it’s time.Powered by Sidelines