I have met someone who I have fallen very in love with. It's a love unlike any I've ever felt. As a matter of fact, I feel like the other times I loved someone are kids' games in comparison.
The problem is, he’s a Virgo. He is stable, secure, no-nonsense, responsible, not exactly spontaneous, gentle, caring, loving, and calm. I worry that I'm just too… I don't know. Flighty. Scattered. Messed up by the past (as I was abused and raped multiple times during my life).
I have no confidence in my abilities to even keep someone as good as he is. I feel I'm just too messed up and not good enough for someone like him. Hell, even at the old age of nearly 39, I don't even have a damned driver's license, because I've allowed others to tear down my self-confidence my entire life.
However since he's come into the picture, everything has just… started fitting together somehow. I've started gaining some of the confidence to do what I need, and look past my utter fears of failure. And he has been instrumental in that. He tells me he wants me to be, and I quote, '"a strong independent woman"'.
Since we've met, I've gotten my driver's permit and am learning to drive. I’ve gotten a real job and started putting my life together. And I very much want him to be part of that life.
But my biggest fears are around our long term compatibility. I'm scatterbrained, unstable, insecure, and an airhead at times. He's down-to-earth, solid, serious, and grounded. I feel I have nothing to offer someone like him and I'll just end up being a disappointment – even though I love him with all of my heart and he loves me, too.
I guess the question is, am I just being stupid here? Am I worrying for nothing by second guessing myself? Is there hope for a steady, solid Virgo with a messed-up Gemini?
Listen. Your man is human and so are you. He is a human Virgo, so he likes to help people and you are graciously allowing him the opportunity to help you. He is not complaining and why is that? It’s because he needs you as much as you need him. It seems to me that everyone is winning, so this whole thing is looking pretty good from my perspective.
So are you worrying for nothing? Yes, I think you are. And I know the cure. Well, I know of something I read that sure made sense to me. It was in Gavin DeBecker’s book, The Gift Of Fear, and you might want to pick it up because you have something in common with him: trauma.
DeBecker had a traumatic childhood and it taught him a few things. He became sophisticated around “fear”, that’s for sure and besides writing a book (two of them) on the subject, he’s made a career out of this.
But anyway, in his book he distinguishes between ‘fear” and “worry”. He feels that fear is a physiological response to danger that should always be heeded. Worry, however, is bullshit. Worry is what he calls “manufactured fear”… and this is what you are doing.
You are making up things to worry about when none of it is happening and frankly, it probably never will. So here is my advice: get the book… and tell that Virgo man of yours what you are doing (manufacturing fear) and you would like to stop. He will immediately move to help you, because this is in his blood.
Secondly, try a little harder to see him. By that, I mean try to see his humanness… where and how he is frail and vulnerable. Starting with the simple fact, if you leave and he has no one to “help,” he will be absolutely bereft. He needs someone to heal. So I guess you’re pretty crucial after all, huh?