So, you’re a car company with a new product. It’s a cute compact car, cheap enough to reach the masses, but you can’t figure out how to get the message out to them. Your marketing team has an idea though: Slap it into a free video game and let gamers test drive it.
What kind of game do you make? An accurate, Gran Turismo styled experience to better show off the features? Pff. Strap a rocket arm to the damn thing, send it down a barren tunnel, and hurl monstrous robots at it. Duh.
That’s the baffling Yaris in a nutshell. You’ll control one of three various Yaris models unlocked by collecting coins on the track while avoiding a small number of enemies that follow the same patterns every lap. Why are there robots? Why are you not driving on real roads?
Why did you waste the bandwidth to download this?
Oh, the achievements? You’re stuck there too. The developers actually hate you. They don’t know you, yet they let you know how they like to see you suffer by forcing you to play through every stage in the game in one single setting. That’s right, to gain the full 200 points, you need to beat this without exiting the game.
That’s only one absurd point in this ridiculous marketing move. Look, if the Yaris came with an arm sticking out from the hood that shot three different types of weapons at motorists who cut you off, the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and thankfully this also means that the cars handling isn’t accurate either. Otherwise, this latest model would control like a speedy tank that only corners when it wants to, not when you tell it.
Online play (yes, full Xbox Live support here), lets you take on other suckers who were tricked into downloading this monstrosity in a simple score challenge. Lose your shields, and half your score is wiped away.