While its title may be very lyrical sounding when enunciated properly in a smooth, calm tone, a simple glance at the words “El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron” may have you tilting your head to one side and weeping slightly. Exactly what is it? Well, in a nutshell, El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron is a video game that was inspired by Jewish religious beliefs, manufactured by the Japanese, and subsequently translated into English. And if that doesn’t cause you to tilt your head to one side and weep, then I don't know what will.
Developed and distributed by Ignition Entertainment and Konami (respectively), El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron follows the plight of angel Enoch (voiced in this English-language version by Blake Ritson), who is assigned the unenviable task of tracking down seven fallen angels by one of God's brightest archangels, Lucifel (as portrayed here by Jason Isaacs).
Now, as to who the hell this "Lucifel" guy is, I don’t know, but his actions here are nothing short of laughable. Throughout the game, as Enoch stumbles around the planet (and all the sub-space places that lay in-between), Lucifel gives you his advice on how to get out of bad situations, acting as a save point for your character. He also talks to God on his mobile phone (seriously), answering the Lord’s calls with "Hey" and saying such goofy things like "You know I can’t say 'No' to you" much in the same way a player would talk to his girlfriend.
Speaking of goofy things, there are a number of strange-looking critters that leap out during Enoch's quest in an attempt to quash his quest. Straight out of the Bible(s) they aren't: in fact, some of them look like they just jumped out of an old Japanese Super Giant flick as opposed to any or all of the assorted religious mythologies out there. Fortunately, Enoch has the God-given ability to jack stuff from this opponents with his bare hands, which enable him to outfit one of three weapons: an Arch (a curved blade thingy), a Gale (an electric dart shooting whatchamacallit), and a Veil (a big shield doohickey that turns into two smaller shield doohickeys and does a lot of damage).