You know what the hardest part of being a game reviewer is? Deciding whether or not you enjoy the game your playing. Not all the time of course, games like Halo make our lives that much easier. It's when a game like Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball come our way. It's not really a game, and it's not even what it claims to be on the box. So, am I actually enjoying myself....or am I being taken in by lots of glitz and glamour?
Volleyball? Yeah, it's here, but it's more of a mini-game. You can gamble, buy gifts, buy swimsuits, and receive a bunch of items you will never (ever) need as far as gameplay is concerned. Actually, when you being to think about it, you don't even have to play volleyball to actually, well, "beat" the game. Then again, there really is no ending, nor is there any point to the proceedings either.
I'm going to get this out of the way now, early in the review, so you pre-pubescent kids can get on with your lives. These chicks look incredible, easily some of the best looking character models ever conceived in a video game. Even the backdrops manage to maintain the high level of quality found in the women, but none of it really matters when you think about. There's no game surrounding them. Yeah, you can ogle at them when their "resting" with a fully controllable camera, but if this is how you get your jollies, please, seek help immediately. Moving a camera while a polygonal chick sits on a swing is NOT fun....at all. It's a tech demo.
As for the volleyball segment, there's nothing special here either. It's two-on-two, simplistic, nearly boring, volleyball. No meters, power bars, stamina percentages, or any of the other sport regulars make an appearance, a refreshing change. This leaves us with a simplistic game of volleyball that only requires 2 buttons, something anyone can pick up and play. Obvious problems, that should've been fixed early in this games development, pop up everywhere. First and foremost, the camera is ludicrously placed. It's a low angle shot that doesn't allow for the defensive squad to see where the hell they are, making it worthless to try and defend. Pressing a button will cause your girl to make miraculous shots no matter where they happen to be on the court. It's even funnier to see them making dives while their moving some debris from the playing surface.
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