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From the Blogcritics Vault: Russian Gymnast Tarnishes Gold

    The Athens Olympics were in full swing one year ago today, with Carly Patterson (how soon they forget) dramatically winning the Gold Medal in the women’s all-around gymnastics. Favored Russian Svetlana Khorkina fumed and preened simultaneously.

    Shark called her ass on it:

    16 year-old Carly Patterson won the Gold Medal in the women’s all-around gymnastics last night in Athens. She became only the second American woman to win an all-around Olympic gold, joining Mary Lou Retton (of the asterisk 1984 Olympics, ie. *no Russians).

Speaking of Russians, the chain-smoking bitch they call the Russian **Diva, who was performing in her final Olympics before retiring, let Carly enjoy her victory for about 15 seconds before she tried to tarnish the gold by complaining about the judging.

**(Remember when “diva” meant “an arrogant bitch with a great opera voice”? Now it can mean a bitch of any sort, thanks to its status as the #1 most abused cliche in contemporary media. Who ISN’T a friggin’ ‘diva’ these days? If Helen Keller were alive, she’d probably show up in People Magazine as the ‘Diva of the Deaf’ among these ignorant parrots — also known as “journalists”.)

Relegated to a second place Silver medal after Patterson’s near-perfect floor exercise, Svetlana Khorkina lashed out at the judges — which has become standard fare for sore losers at the Olympics. (Did the Russians blame the judges when they lost the Cold War?)

That cute little cuddly Carly Patterson took the Gold Medal in dramatic fashion: she needed a high score in her final event, the floor exercise. She answered with a great performance, beautiful, powerful — and almost flawless.

She was rightfully awarded the highest score of the night on floor exercise, a 9.712, to finish at 38.387 points with Khorkina, three-time world all-around champion, second at 38.211 points and China’s Zhang Nan third at 37.948 points.

“I don’t know what to say. I’m so excited and happy,” Patterson said. “You dream about this your whole life and you win the gold medal and it’s amazing.”

Khorkina, who beat Patterson for the World Championships all-around crown last year, told the press:

“I’m still Olympic champion. …If the judges were Greek I would have no difficulty winning the gold medal. They are the ones who are going to have to live with their conscience.”

When it was pointed out that she almost fell off the balance beam — and looked like a drunk ostrich at times, she replied:

“I believe it was a minor mistake. It was barely noticeable. I don’t think it was worth one point.”

Asked what made the difference in her duel with Patterson, Khorkina replied: “I’m from Russia. She’s from USA,” then she stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry. No, I’m not making this up. She actually stuck out her tongue and made a fart sound. And she couldn’t stop there; she tried to bail her miserable, unclassy ass out of the deep public pile of shit she’d just done a near-perfect 9.9 landing in — so she added, “Just a joke. Carly is very good.”

In the floor exercise, the spoiled-sport Russian did her usual conservative routine; she always relies on the crowd clapping in time to the music (a cheap attempt at wooing the audience that was perfected in various scenes from “Fiddler on the Roof”), and her idea of artistry is to wave her gangly arms around like a couple of cobras jousting with limp pickles.

Her peformance was given a 9.562 mark from judges, leaving her in First Place, but vulnerable to Patterson. The fact that she showed periodic signs of vertigo didn’t help her performance.

Overall, Khorkina’s long, distinguished Olympic career was tarnished by her final act as an athlete: a bitter, whining attack on the new Olympic champion.

Somebody blow her a raspberry.

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PS: A couple of miscellaneous observations on Friday Night In Athens.

1) One aside relative to the American Women’s Gym Team: What’s with those outfits? Whose idea was it to make their crotches look like they glow in the dark? I don’t mean to sound like a pederast freak, but sometimes I just couldn’t take me eyes off of that, um… area.

Even my wife mentioned it, so it ain’t just me drawn to tiny little shiny vulvas.

2) Bob Costas — who as he ages, is starting to look more and more like a monkey — interviewed Carly Patterson in the studio after her victory. They were seated in chairs facing each other, eye to eye, and in a wide camera shot, the 3 foot tall American Gold Medallist was THE EXACT SAME SIZE as Bob Costas! So apparently Costas is not only coloring his hair jet-black and starting to have a primate look about him, but he’s also shrinking. He needs to call Dick Clark for some advice!

About Eric Olsen

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    Great post – thanks for bringing it to our attention

  • Shark

    Wow. I’ve been resurrected from the dead!

    ~Proof that my writing actually has a shelf life greater than hot buttermilk!

    And I’d say my ol’ “review” gets a 9.99 in the *vault…

    *Blogcritics vault

    Now — what other famous anniversaries are comin’ up…?

  • faith

    Well it is perfectly clear that whoever wrote this knows nothing about gymnastics and is a biased pig with an opinion that isn’t worth 2 cents. It seems to me that your ignorance has clouded your ability to watch a gymnastics competition without looking at the Americans as the great saviours of the world and the Russians as the enemy. If you actually watch the competition it is clear that Patterson wasn’t perfect or even near perfect and Khorkina was the same, but I would rather watch Khorkina than Patterson’s robot moves that have no emotion what so ever! Coming from someone who is impartial it is clear that some age old attitudes towards people from Eastern Europe hasn’t changed and neither has the attitudes of some egotistical nationalistic Americans who hate when they loose and reep the rewards when they win, even when they didn’t deserve to!! May I mention Paul Spam…sorry I mean Hamm!!

  • Eric Olsen

    I guess you touched a nerve even a year later, Shark

  • JoeM

    Oh brother Faith, give it up, you silly little twit.. It’s all in fun!!!

  • Duane

    I really don’t see the humor in making fun of a bunch of androgynous midgets who spend the best years of their lives pouring their little underdeveloped hearts into learning how to do backflips and somersaults and spin around on a bar and balance on a skinny stick of wood and fly lemur-like from one bar to another. What nobler profession is there, I ask you? You guys are just jealous.

  • ish

    gymnastics is hard work and khorkina worked on her final moment in this sport all her life. i guess u dont no wat the conditions are in russia. people are almost living on the street or starving to death! that poor girl worked so hard all her life n there comes miss cute n perfect carly patterson who was made into a champion by her parents. she didnt look like she realli want it. ok at the end she worked hard, but if her parents didnt makeher train all that time she wouldnt/ve been so good. most american gymnasts are spoilt and bloody rich. can we say that about svetlana?

  • Eric Olsen

    yes, I believe we can say that

    the whole point is she behaved badly and there is no good excuse

  • Shark

    “I guess you touched a nerve even a year later, Shark”

    Ah, one of my prouder moments!

    ======

    ish: “…khorkina worked on her final moment in this sport all her life.”

    Too bad she didn’t spend as much time on her manners.

    =====

    Duane, mea culpa.

    I’ve never read a more beautiful defense of the practitioners of the art of Gymnastics.

    (Additional comment: it also made me horny!)

    ======

    BTW: We can ALL be consoled in the fact that both Ostrich Girl and Carly Patterson are currently front-runners in the “Where Are They Now” category!

    Next Appearance for both: “MTV Remembers The 2000s”

  • ish

    i agree with faith . u ppl are unbelieveable.
    and u probably dont kno anything about gymnastics. or the economic situation in europe. some1 should blow u a raspberry

  • YELENA

    all i got to say is i admire khorkina. Khorkina changed the sport of gymnastics as did most Russians. I was a gymnast there i should know. Conditions in Russia are bad, and they win in spite of not seeing there parents, having to grow up on their own, and having no money. the americans have everything and they still arnt winning until now, but the ones who do win are coached by Russians (laugh!). i hate the attitude of americans toward russians, i take it as jealousy. they dont know what training is until they go to Russia, and then there eyes are wide open and they cant keep up. i think khorkina should have won, she is a better gymnasts and way better to watch then patterson. and patterson’s attitude sucks, go read her myspace. talking about drinking and everything, she is a role model shouldnt be doing that. patterson brings no eyecathing to her routines, just like a robot, khorkina brings something different to the table, and the author of this blog is an egotistical american who obviously knows nothing about gymnastics. it was her final moment, and i guarentee you people will remember her over patterson!
    Yelena

  • YuLiChKa

    I agree with YELENA, I’m russian and know what it’s like to train there. I don’t care who this bastard was that wrote this crap but he’s got it all wrong, I’ve had enough of egoistic people like him. Patterson won, but not because she was an artistic gymnast. She was an acrobat that belonged in the circus. He mentioned something about Khorkina swaying her arms to make a better performance, well all I can say is, AT LEAST SHE TRIED, no one and I mean NO ONE can tell me that they think Carley was artistic and fluent in her routine, EVER. It’s like watching a stick just flip through the air. Khorkina’s attitude can be explained by the poverty in Russia. The only thing she saw was the gym and she worked her way up from nothing with nothing. She got to her final Olympics and is standing there and looking at this girl who just beat her and trying to figure out how. Because of Patterson(not only, though) the sport of gymnastics is losing all it’s artist elements. It’s really a shame.

  • Ruvy

    This “bastard” who wrote the article, Yulichka, is the publisher of Blogcritics. Is he the most marvelous sports writer – no. But he called it on the money. He wasn’t really writing about sports – he was writing about how people lose sorely. Had Khorkina accepted her medal gracefully, whatever problems she had during her performance would have been forgotten.

    Having dealt with a number of Russian women in Israel, madame, I can tell you that Russian women have a reputation for bitchiness that transcends three continents. Even Isaac Babel wrote about their bitchiness over 80 years ago – you know Babel – the Jewish writer that Stalin saw fit to execute? And let me tell you, madame, bitchiness tends to make every fault much bigger in the eyes of the beholder.

    Training anyplace in the world other than the United States can be difficult simply because Americans are (or used to be) a lot richer than everybody else.

    But it isn’t money or comfort that gives you manners, Yulichka. It’s class. You can be as poor as a peasant or as rich as Croesus, but class comes from inside, not from lapping the cream of society’s riches like a spoiled cat.