Yeah, everybody’s doing their “top 10” lists right now, and there were a lot of mighty fine flicks this year. But what about the ones that stank up the joint? Here’s my pick for the three worst movies I saw this year. Feel free to chime in with your own choices for 2005’s dogs.
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
There were worse movies this year, but few as disappointing. A pale, limp attempt to capture the wit and snark of Douglas Adams’ sci-fi parody novels. It starts out OK but gradually gets worse and worse, descending into a parade of computer-generated effects and turning into an inane chase movie. It has the moldy feel of a failed Saturday Night Live parody from 1987.
Dukes of Hazzard
Lord, I tried. But I couldn’t even watch the entire movie of this misbegotten TV remake, starring Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott, and a bizarrely miscast Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg. Also featuring Jessica Simpson, who looks nice but is upstaged in acting skills even by the General Lee automobile. The original TV show was trash, too, but in a corny, amiable way. This one piles on the vulgarities and is like watching a truck full of rednecks crash into a manure pile — an ugly, smelly sight.
You may notice a theme here. I’m not filled with hope for the CHiPS remake heading to the big screen. This one had the talent — gorgeous Nicole Kidman, funnyman Will Ferrell — but was saddled with a ridiculously self-referential, strained plot. See, it’s a movie about the remake of the TV series Bewitched, starring a real witch who doesn’t want to be a witch any more but she ends up playing a fake witch for Bewitched. Get it? Don’t bother.