A recent press release revealed that the Pulitzer Jurors for Fiction whom, sadly, couldn’t choose amongst the three final candidates, struggled reading past the first 140 characters.
“The problem,” one anonymous juror stated, “is that every time I read past the first sentence, my mind shuts off.”
The final candidates were Denis Johnson’s Train Dreams, which chronicles the troubling night terrors of a hurling locomotive in a Depression era South; Karen Russell’s Swamplandia, a spinoff of the IFC’s Portlandia chronicling the bazaar days of a Tim Tebow groupee; and David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King, a story about a white guy.
Not to worry. Even if the Pulitzer Jurors for Fiction had picked a winner, no one would have read it — there were no accompanying pictures. And what’s the point of looking at something if you can’t PinIt? Good news, however: the Pulitzer Jurors were analyzed by an unnamed group of scientists who were then promptly awarded the Noble Prize for doing cool things with peoples’ minds.