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Five Better Names For Oklahoma City’s NBA Team

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So Seattle’s former NBA team has moved on to Oklahoma City. But with a new team, we need to figure out a new name! The Oklahoma City SuperSonics? That makes even less sense than it did in Seattle. Actually, in retrospect, what is a SuperSonic anyway? And why did the team need more than one as their name?

But the six names currently in contention are just awful. Thunder? Wind? A misspelling of Marshals? (Nice work on that, NBA.) Clearly the people of OKC need an intervention by a man who has some imagination and a sick sense of humor. And since the only person I know like that around here is me, I suppose I’ll have to do. This list should give some fine insight as to names that will put fear into the hearts of their opposition. Or at the very least, give them a good laugh before inevitably slaughtering the poor Oklahomans.

* Oklahoma City Bombers: No, I don’t care how bad the joke is, put that knife down. Think of the marketing possibilities! They’d automatically get thousands of fans out of the people with sick senses of humor throughout America. They could even have a little anthropomorphic bomb named McVeigh as their mascot! Seriously though, put the knife down, I’m kidding.

* Oklahoma City Plainsweepingwinds: So far, Wind is the closest name they had to emulating the one thing that most people associate Oklahoma with, that awful musical. I don’t think I have to explain this joke, do I? Seriously, has anyone ever been able to get that damn song out of their heads after hearing it over and over? Other variants could be the Sweepingplainwinds or the Windsthatsweeptheplains, naturally.

* Oklahoma City Death: Remember that point I made about putting fear into the hearts of the opposition? This name is in that ideal. Think about it, nobody beats death. By this amazing logic, they will win every single game ever that they play. Or else the other team will get pumped up even more and slaughter them so that they could claim they beat death. OK, so maybe this wasn’t the best name. At the very least, you’d get some interesting people dressing up in the stands, eh?

* Oklahoma City Backstabbing Thieves: Wait, this one was suggested to me by a Seattle fan. Never mind.

* Oklahoma City Dirt: Again, if we want to drum up nationwide support for this new team we’re going to have to give it a recognizable name. And what does Oklahoma have more of then dirt? They could also be the Red Dirt, of course – but that’s only if you want to be “accurate,” whatever that means. And looking through this list, do you really think we’re going for accurate?

I’m going to mail these to the NBA some time soon, and hopefully they will see the light and realize that there is a vast field of different names available for their new team. Actually, as long as Wind doesn’t win the contest, I suppose it’s not all bad.

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About UZ

  • T from TX

    This is not original at all. Go read the comments section on any espn OKC-related article and you will find better OK-bashing than this. Nice try though… Yawn.

  • jake
  • http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=9SHORHj5ouk pay

    okc megavolts :

    meg·a·volt (mg-vlt)
    n.
    One million volts.
    106 ) volts, abbreviated as MV

    i think ill go with OKC ENERGY. for some reason…

  • http://paulcantplaypiano.blogspot.com Chris “UZ” White

    I don’t like the idea of “ENERGY” as a team name, it sounds like something an AFL team would use.

  • http://paulcantplaypiano.blogspot.com Chris “UZ” White

    Took your advice, T. Here’s some of those amazingly hilarious and original comments from the OKC article.

    “Well with Oklahoma being known for its rich american indian/native american heritage…. what a honor to name the team in respect of that……… for example how many tribes are there in oklahoma………… i ve heard that it might be 39 tribes…….. but i’m not completly sure? I would go with the 39er’s or fill in the blank of________er’s [according to how many tribes are here]…..”

    “I think they should be called the Oklahoma Garbage for how much they suck and there colors should be Brown and Green and there logo should be of a garbage can bearing the words we suck ”

    “I’m not thrilled about any of those names ”

    “Screw all those names they sucks balls it should be the Tea baggers, casue durant is gonna own ”

    “Why don’t we call them the OKC Tools. ”

    “Oklahoma City No-Morals-Ethically- Challenged-Team-Stea ling-Because-There’s -No-Other-Way-A-Pro- Team-Would-Ever-Will ingly-Relocate-To-Ok lahoma-Hijackers. We can even turn it into an acronym so it can fit on the back of your lame jerseys. ”

    Bonus points for literacy from the ESPN fans. Not that I expected much out of them. I mean, it’s ESPN.

  • Mend
  • http://drdreadful.blogspot.com Dr Dreadful

    The Panhandlers.

    Half the fun would be watching them enthusiastically choose the name, then taking bets on how long before the penny dropped…

  • http://paulcantplaypiano.blogspot.com Chris “UZ” White

    That’s a good one, heh.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    The Slickers?

  • http://drdreadful.blogspot.com Dr Dreadful

    The Oklahoma City Where?

    It’d be cool. Unique. Only major league sports team with a question mark in its name…

  • http://paulcantplaypiano.blogspot.com Chris “UZ” White

    Reminds me of a suggestion I saw on Yahoo for the Oklahoma City !s.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    “Only major league sports team with a question mark in its name…”

    Forget the name. They already have 11 question marks on their roster.

  • DEVIL DAWG

    I think all the nicks are silly. I think we should name our team after one of the things we have the most of any state in the nation. Give up? The Copperheads. There’s an 80 mile stretch of Blackjack trees in central Oklahoma that’s full of them. Lol. Bet you guys thought those were wild cucumbers you were smelling.

  • growup

    You’re a classless punk for the Bombers comment. I just hope none of the Murrah victims’ families stumble across this schlock.

  • gerald younkin jr

    i think we should name the team the oklahoma outlaws.

  • Joe Bowles

    I have a couple of suggestions: “The Drifters”, use a Clint Eastwood looking guy for the mascot; “The Rattlers” using a diamond back rattle snake as the mascot; and then the last one on my list “The Thunderbirds” which both tips a hat at our Native American history and our brave 45th Infantry that has fought so admirably since WW2.
    Oh and by the way, the Seattle residents need to kick out all their politicians, because its the elected officials lack of caring as to who the team left. Mr. Bennett gave them more than enough chances to work towards upgrades and a new arena and to top it off, Some seattle people wanted the team to fail so they will sell it back, but they moved it instead.

  • http://www.youtube.com/dunkadelictv Dunkadelic TV

    The Oklahoma City Dunkadelics would be a cool name. Welcome to OKC Dunkadelic Nation home of the Oklahoma City Dunkadelics [Edited]

  • three8s

    Duh!what about the tornado’s,or the twisters.Maybe O.K.C dirt devils.or Dusters.Wait this oil country.The O.K.C roughnecks,or wildcats.How about the F.Five(5 players,the Fujita scale well you get it).Wait what about The Pioneer’s?How’s this sound the O.K.C Black Gold?The Drillers,or The O.K.C Natives.The Shaman.Now that would be on bad ass mascot.

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