So Seattle’s former NBA team has moved on to Oklahoma City. But with a new team, we need to figure out a new name! The Oklahoma City SuperSonics? That makes even less sense than it did in Seattle. Actually, in retrospect, what is a SuperSonic anyway? And why did the team need more than one as their name?
But the six names currently in contention are just awful. Thunder? Wind? A misspelling of Marshals? (Nice work on that, NBA.) Clearly the people of OKC need an intervention by a man who has some imagination and a sick sense of humor. And since the only person I know like that around here is me, I suppose I’ll have to do. This list should give some fine insight as to names that will put fear into the hearts of their opposition. Or at the very least, give them a good laugh before inevitably slaughtering the poor Oklahomans.
* Oklahoma City Bombers: No, I don’t care how bad the joke is, put that knife down. Think of the marketing possibilities! They’d automatically get thousands of fans out of the people with sick senses of humor throughout America. They could even have a little anthropomorphic bomb named McVeigh as their mascot! Seriously though, put the knife down, I’m kidding.
* Oklahoma City Plainsweepingwinds: So far, Wind is the closest name they had to emulating the one thing that most people associate Oklahoma with, that awful musical. I don’t think I have to explain this joke, do I? Seriously, has anyone ever been able to get that damn song out of their heads after hearing it over and over? Other variants could be the Sweepingplainwinds or the Windsthatsweeptheplains, naturally.
* Oklahoma City Death: Remember that point I made about putting fear into the hearts of the opposition? This name is in that ideal. Think about it, nobody beats death. By this amazing logic, they will win every single game ever that they play. Or else the other team will get pumped up even more and slaughter them so that they could claim they beat death. OK, so maybe this wasn’t the best name. At the very least, you’d get some interesting people dressing up in the stands, eh?
* Oklahoma City Backstabbing Thieves: Wait, this one was suggested to me by a Seattle fan. Never mind.
* Oklahoma City Dirt: Again, if we want to drum up nationwide support for this new team we’re going to have to give it a recognizable name. And what does Oklahoma have more of then dirt? They could also be the Red Dirt, of course – but that’s only if you want to be “accurate,” whatever that means. And looking through this list, do you really think we’re going for accurate?
I’m going to mail these to the NBA some time soon, and hopefully they will see the light and realize that there is a vast field of different names available for their new team. Actually, as long as Wind doesn’t win the contest, I suppose it’s not all bad.Powered by Sidelines