Backstage at her hosting gig at the Teen Choice Awards, Jessica Simpson innocently asked a heavily pregnant Britney Spears if she could kiss her belly.
“Hell no!” was Britney’s reply. Simpson is said to have been “really insulted” at the denial.
A little background on the writer here. I do not currently have any children, and have not impregnated any ladies in my lifetime. So, I can only speak as a middle-aged male who has been witness to such requests upon friend’s pregnant bellies.
Cheers to Britney Spears! For the love of Sidney Poitier, what was Simpson thinking? If these two were the best of friends and they were at home, this might be an okay request, but you don’t go around kissing acquaintances' bellies – even if they are nice and round. That’s beyond rude and yet not all that uncommon.
From time to time, friends of mine find themselves with a belly full of baby, and it is amazing to see how many complete strangers approach them asking to feel the belly (no one has had the gall to ask for a kiss, but copping a feel is still pretty danged intimate). I get the miracle of life and all, but if you don’t know the belly, stay away! Heck, even if you know the belly fairly well, don’t come knocking unless you’ve been invited.
Perhaps Simpson, feeling a little Japanese, was simply too stimulated by the pregnant belly. The belly kiss denial comes just after Tokyo censors deemed Spear’s August cover photo for Harper’s Bazaar okay to display as advertisements in the subway.
The photo, showing a nude and still heavily pregnant Spears was originally deemed too stimulating by officials. With legs crossed and arms covering her breasts it does not actually show her goodies, but officials still decided to censor the image from below her elbows. The censored image was to then have a note stating "We apologise for hiding part of a beautiful image of a mother-to-be." That is, until officials changed their minds. Finally getting it, or losing their mind after being overly stimulated, Tokyo officials announced they would allow the image as is – noting they understood the publishers' intention was to display a happy mother, and not to sexually stimulate.
So, perhaps Simpson was just stimulated by the beautiful miracle of a belly and simply had to kiss it.
If you’re not buying the stimulated story, would you at least accept that Simpson was feeling a little awkward and downtrodden, and just needed a little Spears belly love? Simpson's ex, Nich Lachey, picked up an award at the Teen Choice ceremony for his love song, “What’s Left of Me,” which is about Simpson.
The two tried hard not cross each other’s lines, but bumped into each other backstage. It is reported they both looked at each other briefly before walking away quickly. Simpson then “freaked out” and had to be fanned by her hairdresser.
So see, there is the pressure of hosting a national awards show and an ex-husband wandering around – who can blame Jessica Simpson for wanting a little stimulating belly love?
Me for one, and Britney Spears, and anyone else whose ever had a stranger ask to kiss their belly. Seriously, Jessica, the next time you see a stimulating pregnant belly, smile politely and pretend it is Nick Lachey. Oh, and keep your hair dresser nearby with a fan.Powered by Sidelines