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First Date Nightmare

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When I tell you about a first date that one of my girlfriends went on, you’re not going to believe it.

She had met – I’ll call him “The Stand Up Guy” – at a speed dating event, and they made plans to go on a “real” date. The plan was to meet in downtown NYC for lunch. As with many first dates, the food was the best part.

I’d like to say that this guy broke all the rules, but what he did is not even mentioned in the dating rule book.

During the lunch he revealed that along with his full-time job as an MD, he does stand-up comedy on the side. After lunch, he asked her if she would like to see a comedy show. “Sure,” she said, thinking that she too likes stand-up comedy.

So they walked to where she thought there would be a comedy club. When they arrived, he said, “I live on the top floor. I can’t wait for you to see it.” Taken aback, she said, “I thought we were going to a comedy show?” “The show is a video of one of my gigs,” he replied.

Some girls will go “upstairs” on a first date, so I don’t see anything wrong with his attempt and her acceptance.

As promised, “The Stand Up Guy” put in a video of one of his shows. Here is where his choice of activity for a first date completely blew me away. Like…away away.

Stand-up comedy is a widely acceptable form of entertainment. Sometimes it offends some. Other times it offends others. Most times, it entertains most. She will never know if all of his routines are of the same caliber, but at least on that tape, the topic was masturbation. Every joke was centered around his obsession with “jerking,” “stroking,” “poking,” and “vaseline,” which apparently he never leaves home without.

On a first date? Really?

I think he was so proud of his comedic talent that he wanted to impress her with it right from the start. Unfortunately, he shared more of his talent than he realized. Or maybe he did realize. What she realized was that he was way too talented for what she was looking for.

I hope at least his audience was more impressed.

My advice? It’s okay to crack jokes on a first date, but try to refrain from a show-and-tell with vaseline.

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About Ani Ram

  • This should be the first and last date with
    “The Stand Up Guy”.

  • Some people lack the ability to see themselves as others see them. Well, I suppose we’re all guilty of that to some degree, but this guy is hopeless!

  • Mrs. Lee

    Poor girl!