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Film Reviews: The Cave and The Brothers Grimm

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These two films must have their own genre but I don’t know what that classification might be. A group of people go on an adventure and all but one or two are killed. The only interesting aspect of such a film is guessing which one or two will survive. Usually it’s the underdog or misunderstood male and the demure or talented but untested female. Underdog wins the day and untested exceeds all expectations. Of course, the two are romantically involved by the time they escape the dread curse or evil monster or psychopathic killer. More often than not there are a slew of stereotypes that can be used to flesh out the party. There’s usually a minority representative, a macho jerk, a macho woman, a geeky scientist, a geeky computer guy, a beautiful yet incomplete female and the inevitable handsome yet shy and misunderstood hunk.

All these stereotypes are on display in The Cave, a useless bit of melodrama piped full of swiftly sawing violins and battering drumbeats. Running down narrow caves with the beast hot on your trail is bad enough but all that dramatic music is enough to send your spelunking heart rate monitor into apoplexy. I came late and left early as should anyone foolish enough to waste a perfectly good Sunday on this mess. At least I didn’t pay for my ticket as I gained entrance to the theater to watch an even more dreadful film, The Brothers Grimm.

I guess I was the only one on the planet who did not know the premise for this hunk vehicle had nothing to do with the fairly tales of The Brothers Grimm but everything to do with a cheesy rip off. The Brothers Grimm, in this disaster of a film, are actually con artists fleecing the 18th century folk of a French occupied Germany. The French come off really badly, there’s a shocker, and the German folk not much better in this dimly lit grimy mess. Of the 500 plus films I’ve reviewed over the past five years I’ve walked out of only a handful. This was one. It was just too dirty and dark and stupid to keep me seated. Having only seen about twenty minutes, I can’t speak to much more than a feeling, but it was bad enough to send me out into the lobby looking for another film. Unfortunately, I found The Cave.

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