I have had a whirlwind two years. In May 2004, I broke up with my boyfriend of five years and in April 2005, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. But now it's June 2006, and I am still not over the boyfriend… and still battling this disease.
My ex says he wants to be with me, but I find his Gemini ways to be unreliable. And though I feel as healthy as I did before I was diagnosed, I fear the hidden workings of this disease.
Any advice on how to deal with both or either?
To be honest, I’m not sure how qualified I am to help you with either of these things, but I’ll take a stab at it, okay?
What is common to your two issues is your fear. And I’ll tell you what your chart looks like. It looks like the chart of some powerhouse woman, with tremendous depth and breadth and everything else you could possibly want, in spades. And then, like an ink blot that’s been spilled, sits Saturn — the planet that signifies fear.
Now the way I read this is when you give in to your fear — when you fail to control it — it basically disables the rest of the chart. The rest of you, that is. And this is not so smart when you’re fighting for life!
So what about the man? You call him unreliable, but he wants to be at your side while you fight cancer. That sounds pretty reliable to me. And I don’t doubt he’s a flake. We all are, at times. But let's just say he flakes out on you. So what? What’s it going to do? Kill you? You’re fighting cancer, for god's sake! You’ve faced death for real, so there's no need to be afraid of a Gemini!
You also don’t have to be scared of dying. Because you’re either going to die — or you aren’t. And if you can get yourself thinking in these non-fear-based ways, I am quite sure you will begin to feel your power. And with Pluto transiting your Moon Pluto conjunction, your power is enormous – at an all time high, I’d say.
Now if it were me, I would call the boy up. But I like boys and I am weak! You are strong, but I still think you should call him up, simply because you miss him. And maybe you aren’t over him because you’re not supposed to be over him. Duh.
But the main thing is your fear. Saturn rules fear and reality. So if you accept "reality" (any of us may die at anytime), it gives (healthy) expression to the energy. Fear is the negative manifestation and it will cripple you if you let it. Good luck.