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Facebook, or Facehooked?

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The following is an example of how my wife spends her day. She is not alone in this routine. My brothers and cousins are experiencing the same phenomenon with their spouses.

My Morning starts at 6 AM.

I trudge along milking the cows and goats. I gather feathers from the geese and angora wool from the rabbits. I must remember to shear my sheep and feed my chickens. If I am remiss in my duties on my farm, my neighbors are quick to remind me that they had to feed my chickens for me or fertilize my land.

These are the same neighbors whom I help on a daily basis. Each day I chase raccoons or foxes from their properties. Sometimes I find myself raking the leaves or shooing crows. I have been known to feed their chickens and fertilize their fields. Don't worry, I am compensated well with either experience or coin, as this is very exhausting day in and day out.

It's 7 AM, time to get my little one up for school. Where has the time gone? I still have fields to harvest and crops to gather.

I also belong to a Mafia family. In between getting my son in the shower and making his breakfast, I will check to see if any of my family needs help with rival mobs. I notice that I still have jobs to complete, like whacking a rival boss. This needs to be done so that I can advance to a new level.

I took care of that quickly enough to get my son fed and off to school. I even had a conversation with some unknown person in New Jersey simply because they made a funny comment on a friend's wall.

I still have dirty dishes in the sink, but I have to head on over to Café World and fix up meals for my diners. Many an evening is spent working in Café World and preparing new and exiting entrees, while my son and husband are preparing themselves frozen pizza for dinner.

My diners are taken care of and it's time to pop on to Facebook to see what my friends are saying and doing. I reply to some messages or leave remarks.

I head back to my farm to see what needs tending and of course the crops are ready, the cows once again need milking, and eggs need to be gathered.

As I am completing my Mafia hits and jobs, I keep an eye on my notification box. I am anxiously awaiting any comments or conversations from my friends and family. I look up and I just received a heart. The notice says that it is beating six beats a minute, and to increase its beats, I must send it on to all of my friends. I accept the heart and give permission for the app to access all of my and my friends' information.

The day has passed, my son is almost home from school, and I'm still in my jammies. I have had a very productive day playing Farmville, Mafia Wars and Café World. I had some very interesting conversations with my existing friends. I am pretty excited because I now have 800 Facebook friends.

The dishes still need doing. Laundry is piling up and my son's room is a nightmare.

Tonight my husband will bring dinner home, because I will be hanging out for a while with my friends in Yoville. After I leave my Yoville friends I will join my beer drinking buddies for a few rounds of Beer Wars.

Once that is done I will keep tabs on all of my games, getting up every two hours or so, making sure that I do all of my jobs and answer any comments that my friends made, waiting for my Facebook day to start all over again tomorrow.

When my wife is not sitting in front of the computer, she is monitoring it all with her Blackberry handset. Now she is asking for an iPhone, because you can actually play those silly games on the iPhone as opposed to the Blackberry. How can we stop the craziness?

Ted Mauro

Facebook Widower

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About tedmauro

  • Ken

    I used to be hooked on Facebook. I had everyone I ever knew on there. Well, not everyone, but a lot of people. People from high school, family members I didn’t even know existed until then, people I met in the military. At max I probably had around 500 “friends” on Facebook. I would play the stupid little games, and “Like” just about everything too.

    One day I decided I didn’t talk to half the people who were my “friends” on Facebook, so I deleted a bunch of them, leaving about 200. The number further declined as the months went on, and I delete more and more of the “friends” who I had no contact with, other than the fact that they were my “friend” on Facebook. I never sent them messages, and I even hid their stories from my news feed because I didn’t care about them. The games got boring after a while too, and I stopped caring enough to “Like” anything else.

    Even after all of my “house cleaning” I would still sit on Facebook for hours. Not directly staring at the screen, but I had the app on my iPod, and was basically never more than a finger swipe away from Facebook. I started school after I got out of the military and had a lot of down time. Mostly spent on Facebook, commenting back and forth with friends, or posting stories I’d found on other websites such as Yahoo!.

    I was an addict.

    I finally made the decision to quit Facebook cold turkey. I made a few status updates informing everyone on my friends list that I’d be deleting my page very soon, and if they wished to keep in contact to send me an email so I had their information. I send other people (my actual friends) their own personal messages asking for their email addresses. Once I was sure that everyone who wanted to keep in touch had emailed me, and all of the messages to my friends had been answered, I deleted my account.

    After I deleted my Facebook, all was well in the world. There was practically no more drama in my life, and I wasn’t missing it at all. I was still an addict (once an addict, always an addict) but was recovering nicely.

    After a few months with no Facebook I came to the realization that EVERYONE is on Facebook, and no one knows how to check their email anymore. This really bummed me out, because I knew that I’d have to make another account to get in touch with people. Would my addiction to the social media beast show its ugly face again? Would I, for a second time, be thrust into the world of Facebook with no escape?

    So, I ended up creating another Facebook account. I used a fake name, and a fake picture I found on the internet. All fake information, except my email of course. I didn’t upload any photographs, and I didn’t share any information on my profile. I added 5 close friends, and that’s how many I intend to keep.

    I will admit, there are days when I post a lot of pointless BS. Like today, when I posted a story about the worlds 10 largest yachts, and a flash mob concert on a subway, along with a few other stories I found on other websites. I am, however, taking it very easy. I’ve only “Liked” a couple things, and will not “Like” anything else. I am on Facebook, again, more than I’d like to be; so tonight I decide that I will cut my Facebook time down to 5 minutes a day. I’ll connect with each friend once per day, and call it good.

    Moral of the story, people just need to know their limits, and what the word “moderation” means. Anything in excess is a bad thing, including connecting with your “friends” on Facebook.

  • Brenda Berin

    Wow, I really recognize this. I’m really hooked on FarmVille. I even blog about it. Sometimes I wish my boyfriend would have never told me about it :-(.

    A fellow addict 😉

  • Thanks for the correction Cindy. Thanks to everyone above for the comments.

  • conscription not subscription…I actually woke up today realizing I made this mistake.

  • correction: A place where meaningless trivia is exchanged and time is passed or vibrant and vital connections with people one does not have access to in the ‘real’ world [are made]?

  • Ooops, forgot to change my name back.

  • 007

    Facebook is what you make it. A place where meaningless trivia is exchanged and time is passed or vibrant and vital connections with people one does not have access to in the ‘real’ world?

    I also get to see my cousin’s children, my aunt’s garden, my uncle’s new granddaughter, my friend’s morning.

    Someone once told me a story about a farmer who had only one child–a boy. The boy left the pasture gate open and the farmer’s few horses escaped. The farmer went to her mother and said, “isn’t it terrible that the boy left the gate open?” To which, her mother replied, “one often doesn’t know what will end up being good or bad.”

    The next day, the six horses returned leading a dozen wild horses into the corral. The farmer shut the gate and happy at her luck, she called her mom and exclaimed how wonderful this turn of events was. Her mother (older and wiser) replied, “one often doesn’t know what will end up being good or bad.”

    That afternoon, the farmer’s son went out to break-in one of the new horses and was thrown to the ground breaking his leg in the process. The farmer called her mother and lamented at her bad luck as she only had one child to help on the farm and now he was laid-up. Her mother, of course replied, “one often doesn’t know what will end up being good or bad.”

    The next day a military officer showed up to enlist the farmer’s son into the current war. Injured males were excluded from subscription. The farmer called her mom again. And I guess you can imagine the rest.

    The value of Facebook and Twitter and other social networking sites does not lie in their use as pastimes, but their use as avenues for thinking people to find one another and for their facilitation of solidarity between people and their use for families and friends to keep in touch in this disjointed world.

  • LOL… I hear you. Facebook is a time sucking venture and the creators must be laughing all the way to the bank.

    Now I must control my FB time to just while I’m at my job (I know, stupid) because otherwise I’d get nothing done at all. (By the way, one of my employees remarked that she sees me on FB all day long…)

  • Ruvy

    Yup. Facebook is definitely an addiction. OK Time enough for BC. Now I gotta get back to FB. I’m suffering withdrawal symptoms….

  • This is the new addiction. Your wife must be made to face up to her neglectful behavior towards her family and mate. As long as you provide HER dinner, or whatever else she needs, she will see no reason to cut back on her on-line time. Check out co-dependency, and or al-anon (help for those living with a practicing alcoholic. Principles are the same, no matter the addiction.

    Best of luck.