Well, it’s finally over. The out-of-the-blue hit from Evanescence – surely the ugliest band name ever to make beyond the pub circuit – has yielded the number one spot in what the BBC used to call “the only chart that counts” but now seem to describe as “clapped-out warhorse that really should be put out its misery.” The best selling single in the UK this week is Crazy In Love, by the mighty Beyonce. When Kelly Rowland’s solo stuff first trickled out, there was a rush into print to suggest that – hey, maybe Kelly’s going to be a little like the Robbie Williams to Beyonce’s Gary Barlow; the quiet one overwhelming the supposedly bigger talent when put to a straight, solo test. That people were able to not only think this, but were prepared to say it, in public, on the record, and apparently believe it – just shows what levels of delusion the human mind is capable of, and lends credence to Alistair Campbell and Tony Blair’s claims that they really, really felt Iraq could have destroyed most of Kent in forty-five minutes flat. It’s now clear that the release dates of the two Children of Destiny’s Child had been set to give a sporting chance to Kelly, allowing her a small breathing space before the steaming through of the Unstoppable Beyonce Machine. She’s also number one in the album charts with Dangerously in Love; we suspect she may also be number one in the dance, indie, heavy rock and sandwich charts.
Elsewhere in singles, the not-killed-in-a-car-crash S Club 8 debut at number four with Fool No More; 50 Cent is in at six with 21 Questions and a disappointing number eight for MisTeeq’s Can’t Get It Back hints that maybe their reign as the Atomic Kitten its okay to like is coming to an end. There’s still enough Ocean Colour Scene fans to scrape their return I Just Need Myself into number 13, three ahead of Lisa Marie Presley – why are people buying this? Is it what they think her father would have wanted? Wouldn’t they be better off buying Greggs’ Pasties and leaving them at his graveside if they really want to show their devotion? Ladytron fail again to convert standard issue jumpsuits and emotionless kissing into a top forty presence – Evil enters at 44.
Midweek predictions that The Thrills could have snapped at Beyonce’s album heels were thwarted by a late surge for the chaste-by-aussie-soap-star-standards Delta Goodrem’s Innocent Eyes (number two against Big Sur’s three); Ashanti (Chapter II), Morcheeba (Parts of the Process) and Electric Six (Fire) make a trio of new entries at five-six-seven. Like some kind of re-animated toothy beast, the Osmond’s Ultimate Collection (a name we fear will prove to be a bit of a fib) crashes into 13; aptly titled False Smiles from Amy Studt scrapes in at 24, suggesting the attempts to graft the Avril Lavigne concept onto a British Pop Idol type is being rejected. The value of putting on a good show at Glastonbury is reflected in returns for Flaming Lip’s Yoshimi (61), the Polyphonic Spree’s Beginning Stages Of… (70) and Athelete’s Vehicles & Animals (71).