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Enough With The Walkoff Homer Gangbangs

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My dad's not a sports buff, but occasionally he'll notice something about sports that I won't, and I'll appreciate it. Because he's a guy who isn't me, but is nonetheless someone with whom I share DNA.

To paraphrase him: "Jeez, teammates hit each other harder than the opponents do."

Yeah, that's about right. Try to score a touchdown, and you'll get tackled pretty hard. Actually score the touchdown, and you're FORCIBLY JUMPED BY YOUR ENTIRE OFFENSIVE LINE JESUS SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE.

And so it goes with baseball. There's very little contact. Either it's a hard slide or Kyle Farnsworth just lost his shit. But when it comes to camaraderie like a game-winning hit, especially a walkoff grand slam in extra innings, it's bedlam.

That's what Angels slugger Kendry Morales endured against the Mariners Saturday night. As he rounded the bases after his 10th inning bomb, he cantered home and jumped into the maw of his gathered teammates who were ready to pounce. Because … well, that's what you do after a walkoff. You smother the guy who just won you the game. It only makes sense.

Morales is in pain, but everyone  else is happy / APBut Morales landed awkwardly while his unsuspecting baseball brothers kept bouncing. "We won! We won! Way to go, Kendry! Um … Kendry? Where's Kendry?"

He's under your cleats. He just broke his freaking leg.

It's apparently called a "freak injury" when 25 extremely fit and muscly men jump around and hit you hard on your torso. Yeah, I can see how that wouldn't normally happen.

This celebration is not an unwritten rule, it's just a very recent, dumbass fad akin to "bros icing bros" that needs to stop post-haste. We already have baseball players getting hurt via line drives in the face, so let's try to avoid ruining your own season by mobbing the guy who just helped you gain ground on the A's and Rangers in the standings.

Whatever happened to high-fives? Too 1989?

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