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Election 2008: Gentlemen and Ladies, Start Your Engines

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With 29 months to go until November 2008, the race for the presidency has already begun. Even before the 2006 congressional elections, presidential wannabes can be found under every rock and behind every tree in any state that’ll have them.

That there’s speculation this early is part of the game, but the fundraising and barnstorming activity that's taking place at this point in the cycle is unusual. One reason, according to Chuck Rund, president of Charlton Research, is that 2008 is the first election since 1952 when there's no obvious standard bearer in either party.  According to Rund, that leaves no obvious front runner this early in the game.

Tom Brokaw, in a June 18 Sunday Washington Post column made the same point.  "…if we're to believe Dick Cheney and Al Gore about their intentions," there won't be "an incumbent president or a sitting or recently retired vice president…[as] a candidate — which opens the field even more."

The battle for attention has gotten so heated that the June 18th Los Angeles Times headlined a story with, "Presidential Ambitions Distract Senate," as if there was nothing important going on in the country that requires their attention.  "There are so many lawmakers considering a run for president that they are practically tripping over each other. The outbreak of ambition adds an 'every man for himself' dynamic to an institution that is already struggling to build consensus on important issues such as how to combat illegal immigration and high gas prices."

"Sen. Richard J. Durbin (D-Ill.) jokes that he is one of the 'designated drivers' of the Senate because he is not running for president.  'We are driving the Senate while so many of our colleagues are intoxicated with the idea of being president,' Durbin said."

The list of Republican Senators considering the brass ring includes (in no particular order):

  • Majority Leader Bill Frist (TN), who some claim is using his leadership role to further his presidential ambitions.
  • John McCain (AZ), who seems to have a knack of attracting disaffected voters from both parties.
  • George Allen (VA), who may be facing his toughest senatorial race this November against Democrat Jim Webb.
  • Sam Brownback (KS), who is very close to religious conservatives.
  • Chuck Hagel (NE), a solid conservative who has distanced himself from Bush's Iraq war policies.

Democrats are also well represented:

  • Hillary Clinton (NY) — how'd she get listed first?
  • Evan Bayh (IN), who presents an attractive centrist perspective and was also governor of Indiana for two terms.
  • Joseph Biden, Jr. (DE) who didn't make it very far in 1988.
  • Russell Feingold (WI), whose liberal positions — in particular his call for censure of President Bush because of the domestic wiretapping issues, may play well early on but could hurt him later.
  • Barak Obama (IL), who, while a first-term Senator, has been barnstorming the country while receiving rave reviews.
  • Chris Dodd, (CT), a liberal in his 5th term.

And one mustn't forget:

  • John Kerry
  • John Edwards
  • Former VA Governor Mark Warner
  • NY Governor George Pataki
  • MA Governor Mitt Romney
  • Former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani

Four of the Republicans converged on Iowa yesterday (Saturday), and the state's Republican chairman, Ray Hoffman, commented, "It's never been this early."  Of course, they all claimed they were there to help raise money for the 2006 congressional elections.

Gazing Through a Cloudy Crystal Ball

There is a sense that the 2008 election is going to be critical.  In a Princeton Survey Research Associates poll for Unity '08, 61% of Americans think the election will be the most critical one in many years.  At the same time, only 9% of Americans have been satisfied with past presidential candidates. 

The list of issues the nation seems unable to resolve probably drives much of the concern about '08.  Education, terror, healthcare, Iraq, foreign energy dependence, correction in D.C., the national debt, and immigration all were seen as critical by over 50% of the public and as either critical or important by over 80%.  The intensity of these issues has been seen in multiple polls, and, as Brokaw notes, "That level of anxiety and uncertainty becomes a kind of collective cry for help that transcends party, economic and geographical lines."

Rund talks about the "issues structure" and that there's no way to know how it will evolve over the next two years.  It's a complex matrix that includes social, economic, foreign policy, American pessimism, and American image challenges. 

What makes that matrix so volatile and the crystal ball cloudy to the point of opaque is what Brokaw calls "The UFO Hovering Over 2008."  UFO doesn't stand for some alien landing which will unite the world's people as in Independence Day, but for "Unforeseen Events Will Occur."

The American public's interest this early in the '08 elections is a good thing.  One only hopes that it is sustained over the next 29 months.  The only thing that's certain is the above list of candidates won't be the same in November of '08.  They may not even last six months, which is why this column will serve as a baseline to track how the campaign unfolds.

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About Mark Schannon

Retired crisis & risk manager/communications expert; extensive public relations experience in most areas over 30 years. Still available for extraordinary opportunities of mind-numbing complexity. Life-long liberal agnostic...or is that agnostic liberal.
  • JustOneMan

    What about Al “the sky is falling, the sky is falling” Gore? Why hasnt the msm identified him? I am sure we know why..dont we?

  • Steve

    Indeed, your election campaigns in the US start earlier and earlier it seems, which is why I hope Canadians do not follow the US lead in having fixed election dates. They seem to put too much focus on campaigning and fundraising instead of policies and action. Not a healthy thing in my view.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Senators don’t get elected president. Doesn’t happen. The few – very few – times it has happened, the results have been far from satisfying. Your list from the two parties is more likely a list of also-rans or of VP candidates than of card-toppers.

    BTW, draft Sanford.

    Dave

  • http://jpsgoddamnblog.blogspot.com JP

    I’m personally pulling for Mark Warner or Wes Clark right now, perhaps a Warner/Clark ticket actually, on the Dem side. Clinton will not be elected President.

  • http://theglenblog.blogspot.com Glen Boyd

    What about Condy? She’s a pretty major omission from your list I’d say.

    -Glen

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    I can’t believe I forgot Al Gore! Shame on me.

    Actually, Kennedy, Nixon, and Johnson were all Senators, although not when elected president, but you’re right, Dave, that it’s unlikely. The point of the article, as I noted at the end, is that this isn’t going to be final list…it’s how soon and how aggressively the campaigning has started. Also, that these are the people that are getting talked about the most.

    I probably should have thrown Wes Clark in too, but I wasn’t trying to deliver a complete list at this point. That’d be almost impossible.

    What to me is interesting is how seriously people are taking ’08, both citizens and pols. What’s going to be fun is to watch how the candidates and issues emerge and evolve.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • Steve

    I think your suggested match would be a good one JP. I agree, Clinton has no chance.

  • Arch Conservative

    You’re right JP….Hillary will not be elected……….neither will mccain.

    If Condaleeza got elected how would all the liberals and dems be able to continue to call all conservatives and republicans racists?

    It ain’t gonna be John Kerry or Al Gore…. been there done that no thanks………

    I’m hoping for George Allen.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Actually, Kennedy, Nixon, and Johnson were all Senators, although not when elected president

    That last part is the key thing. They’d all done something else to prove themselves. No one like Senators, plus they have records to run on and that’s always risky. Of the Senators you mention Clinton seems like the most appealing because she’s the least obviously corrupted by long term association with the Senate.

    Dave

  • Arch Conservative

    If the gop wins again in 08 I hope the new president, whoever he is snubs hillary very chance he gets…..inviting all kinds of senators and congressmen to the white house except her……

    having his staff call her late at night to tell her how much jerry falwell is enjoying the lincoln bedroom

    man i hate that bitch!

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com Silas Kain

    My ultimate fantasy is that the major parties each nominate a woman in 2008. Hillary Clinton vs. Christie Todd Whitman. Talk about sending Conservatives and Liberals over the edge! We need a Presidential Election that will galvanize the electorate.

  • Ruvy in Jerusalem

    What is in that Jameson’s you’re drinking Mark? Forty months to go till November 2008?. Try 29 months! You wouldn’t happent to need a bookkeeper, per chance?

  • RogerMDillon

    “If Condaleeza got elected…”

    You’d awake from your dream hours later. She won’t even get a sniff at the nomination. You can talk a good game, but your mindset gives you away. You wrote, “I hope the new president, whoever he is…” Thanks for playing.

  • http://theglenblog.blogspot.com Glen Boyd

    The Democratic field looks pretty uninspiring on paper so far and Hilary doesn’t have a prayer. I’m sorry, she’s just too polarizing a figure to win the big one, regardless of her name recognition.

    I can’t see Gore running again, at least not successfully, and I think Kerry’s 2004 campaign leaves him as pretty much damaged goods. John Edwards on the other hand? Could be a dark horse.

    I used to like Joe Biden a lot, but didnt he get caught up in a plagarism thing that derailed his last run for the White House? It’d be like Gary Hart running again I think.

    On the Republican side, I’m just glad another Bush isn’t in the mix. Jeb’s not planning on a run correct? God, I hope not. Please say not another fricking Bush okay?

    I’ve always liked John McCain but I can’t see the GOP establishment getting behind him during the primaries and the nomination process. I don’t think they view as the sort of true ideologue the activists would support, even though for my money he’s one of the most intelligent politicians out there.

    For such a wide open race, I’m not really seeing anyone who gets me too excited.

    -Glen

  • Nancy

    I wish Colin Powell would run – but his wife won’t let him, plus he’s a man of integrity & has already been screwed during his brief tenure among the bottom feeders surrounding Junior. I think he’s had his fill of politics, more’s the pity.

    Don’t count Kerry out: he’s making noises like he plans to run again, God help us all! Jesus H. Christ – between the fecklessness of the Dems, & the corrupt sqalor of the GOP, we need a 3rd party. I swear to god if Al Qaida were to set up a 3rd party platform, I’d consider it as long as they weren’t affiliated with either group of currently entrenched congressional scumbags.

  • gonzo marx

    Colin Powell? fuck no…he lost any chance he had at “integrity” after the whole UN WMD speech fiasco

    as for Condi, or Whitman…either have much LESS a chance than Giuliani of surviving Iowa/NH/SC primaries…much less Super Tuesday…however, a McCain/Whitman ticket could win a general election if played right

    my bet is for the GOP to put up McCain as the “annointed”…with a MUCH younger “born again” candidate…so that Falwell and his ilk can crank out the holy roller vote by promising to pray for McCain’s martyrdom when they get into office , so their boy can declare himself “Pope of America”

    but i digress…

    on the Dem side…scratch the GOP fever dream of Hilary or Edwards…Hil may take it, but if so…lose the general election…Edwards has NO chance..a 1 term senatro who couldn’t even carry his home state in ’04…puh-leeEEEEeeeeeze

    Evan Bayh best bet so far fer the Dems…

    but i would guess that some midwest or southern governor or ex-governor will toss his hat in for ’08 out of the blue

    we will see….November is FAR more important to the Nation…

    but yas knew that

    Excelsior?

  • Nancy

    Colin was too trusting; he was given bad info & passed it on, thinking it was ‘real’ when actually he got lied to like the rest of us. I think he was set up, m’self. Junior didn’t like that Powell wouldn’t lick his ass like the rest of them do.

  • gonzo marx

    well Nancy..either way, i just can’t go for him…

    if he was “set up”..then he is incompetent to run the Nation, if he was “in” on it…then, well you know…

    since he was a member of the Joint Chiefs among other military duties, he fucking well KNOWS how the Intel community is, so he doesn’t get a pass for Ignorance on this one…

    hey..we are speculating here…i’ll go with what i typed
    (BTW, good to *see* yer doing better Nancy, get well soonest!)

    Excelsior?

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Gonzo is living in the common fantasy world where he thinks that the best candidate gets the nomination. If that were the case Kerry probably never would have gotten nominated – you could see his problems coming down the road early in the primaries.

    The best ticket for the GOP would be Giuliani with someone like Tancredo or Brownback to motivate the ultraconservatives and/or fundamentalists. It has the key combination of an older moderate local politician with a younger conservative legislator which has been the winning GOP combo every time they’ve won since WW2. This is a combination which would beat almost anything the Dems could offer. While the GOP has a record of picking that kind of smart combo, that doesn’t mean that they will this time. I have a feeling that this is the year the party sits back and lets the various extremes humiliate and destroy themselves by offering up a completely impractical ticket.

    As for the Democrats, they ALWAYS go for mediocrity. They pass over the better qualified and more exciting canddiates who have ideas to go for the candidate who won’t ruffle any feathers or else they pick a dark horse who is non-threatening but an outsider. Look around for the next Dukakis and tack on a loony as a running mate and you’ve got the ticket.

    Dave

  • gonzo marx

    and comment #19 proves once again that value of Haliburton stock + tax cuts = selling soul to Rovian “family values” and shows that this commenter suffers from having too large a stick wedged up his ass, thus inhibiting him from even seeing his toes…much less his dick..

    “yes your Honor, it’s tru…he has no dick” Ghostbusters

    but i digress…

    spare me the snark…i gave an honest assessment based on my thinnking around past and current circumstances…

    where do you see me doing the “fantasy land” bit of pointing out “the best”?

    nice try at smearing, typical, in fact…

    how about this, toss out yer own Opinion…critique if you have something insightful to share…but keep yer ad hominems in with yer grits

    just a Thought

    Excelsior?

  • Nancy

    The only GOP criteria in the past several elections they’ve won seems to have been who they could foist off on the public who would also dance best to the strings pulled by Big Business & sell out those they were pledged to serve & protect.

    As for the Dems, I don’t know what the hell is the problem with them. It’s like, having had Bill (who, while sexually predatory & at least as slick as any of the GOP-ers who tried to prosecute him), now they’ve blown their mental & political wad & they’re running around without a plan, a center, or any particular reason to exist…or rather, they’ve got too many plans, centers, and reasons to exist. They need to pare them down, throw out the loonie fringe, and get a platform besides We-Aren’t-The-GOP.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Sheesh, gonzo. I’ll remember not to mention your name in the future. I was just using you as an example since you were the most recent person to make an optimistic projection. As for my ‘smearing’, how is it a smear to inject a note of realism into the discussion. It’s not like it’s a bad thing to be idealistic, which is basically what I accused you of. God forbid someone accuse me of having a positive worldview.

    Might want to rein in the paranoia just a tad, Gonzo.

    Dave

  • gonzo marx

    comment #22 sez…
    *Sheesh, gonzo. I’ll remember not to mention your name in the future.*

    best…news….all….year!

    nuff said

    Excelsior?

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Nancy, your mistaken assumption is that there are ANY nominable candidates who won’t “dance best to the strings pulled by Big Business & sell out those they were pledged to serve & protect” at least as you see it.

    Some of us see that as representing the best economic interests of the country and protecting the nation despite endless carping from the opposition. But then we don’t all think that a strong economy is a sign that satan is at work.

    Dave

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Oh, and as far as projections, I’m not about to make one. It’s way too early. I can tell you who I’d like to see in the White House, but at this point I have no reason to believe it will happen. The perfect combination IMO would be Rudy Giuliani and Mark Sanford, but it’s not going to happen because they’re both state/local politicians and Sanford is the wrong kind of conservative. But I’ll take any president so long as Sanford gets the VP slot as a platform for pushing his agenda.

    Dave

  • Nancy

    Since we’re talking fantasy here, I’d like to see a team running with one of each: a GOP & a Dem. Two mavericks. THAT would be unbeatable, I should think. I’d bet my Halliburton stock that voters would trample each other flocking to such a team.

    I don’t necessarily equate a strong economy with Satan being at work; I just think that (large, multinational) corporations rarely if ever have the best interests of anyone except their Board & CEO in mind. At least, these days.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Do we really need to vote for a president? Can’t we just elect a new colored M&M?

  • Nancy

    Dave, here’s a shocker for you: I thought the recent stock market slump was a dandy thing, because it meant I’d be able to buy more stocks at a cheaper price for awhile before the market rallied again, as it inevitably will do, regardless of who’s in the WH.

    And you thought I was a Marxist. So I am: Harpo.

  • methuselah

    Dave’s right: strike anyone who is or has been a senator. Two reasons: their voting record can always be used against them, and they don’t have any practical government management experience (that’s why we elect governors: the states are laboratories for the federal gov).

  • MCH

    “Might want to rein in the paranoia just a tad, Gonzo.”

    …as he types confidently inside the safety of his fortified compound…

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    The Senator/Governor dilemma will hound America to the end of our time. Senator’s have records & no executive experience but they know how DC works, and it works in strange ways.

    Governors have executive experience but are naive to the point of dead when it comes to getting something done in Congress. That’s why Nixon & Johnson, for all their massive faults, got bills passed. They understood the system.

    Maybe the solution is to elect Gonzo President, Dave N Vice President (or vice versa) and see what happens. At least it’ll be fun.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Gonzo and I do fit the appropriate NE vs. SW demographic anyway, and despite his snarkiness we’re more politically compatible than he’d ever dare to admit. Maybe too much so. But perhaps I could smooth the way for him, sort of like the anti-Agnew.

    Dave

  • gonzo marx

    even if i was elected, i wouldn’t last the day..

    after i declared it “Lobbyist season” and shot a few of the pigfuckers in the face with some bird shot as an homage to the last VP… folks would get upset, and my VP would have to cut me a deal to be Ambassador to Fiji after he pardons me…

    but i digress

    Excelsior?

  • Nancy

    ROTFLOL-!

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Sounds like a plan to me, but I refuse to pardon you until you’ve finished shooting ALL the Lobbyists.

    Dave

  • gonzo marx

    fair enuff…

    i’m gonna need more bullets…

    Excelsior?

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Hey now, U.S.-Fiji relations are in dire need of a great communicator.

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    well now Suss..you have given me the Answer…

    far easier just to get YOU elected President, then you can appoint me Ambassador and pardon me fer shooting…well…somebody from Texas..(kidding)

    heh…now to set about my evil Plan

    forming the Committee to elect Suss fer POTUS!!!

    first we take DNA from both Carville ANR Rove…combine them to make the greatest…spinner…ever!!!

    ..:::static:::..

    the Management would like to apologize for the temporary delay while we perform repairs to our gonzo, it seems the NSA and SS have confiscated his hard drive as evidence …

    we know return you to your regularily shceduled bickering….

    Excelsior?

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    I’m happy with Dave, Gonzo & Suss dividing up the major offices. I think shooting the lobbyists is o.k., but please check with me first, because some of them are actually my friends.

    I know, I know, the only good lobbyist is a dead lobbyist.

    Why Fiji? Paris, London, Bermuda…oh well, Fiji’s ok. too.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Mr. Marx, Mr. Schannon, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, esteemed colleagues:

    I am deeply humbled to accept your nomination as This Nation’s Magnificient Being™ and promise if elected to use my sovereign powers to only do everything that I possibly could want to.

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    OMG!!! someone call Diogenes and tell him to bring his lamp…i think we have found one…

    /end postmodernist/antiquity sub-ref

    Excelsior?

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com Silas Kain

    In the past I have thrown my whole hearted support behind Dave Nalle as the next POTUS. To that end, I would like to nominate gonzo marx as the next Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and would gladly support Suss as Nalle’s running mate. This is all contingent, of course, on them appointing a lesbian African American as Secretary of State (for consistency’s sake) and Arch Conservative as Chairman of the Fed.

    By the way, to be certain that the government is run above board, I nominate Eric Olsen to be the Auditor General and Chairman of the OMB.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Ahem, excuse me, Mr. Kain, what am I, chopped liver?

    In Decaf Veritas

  • troll

    Mark – you get the really important job…speech writer for the stars

    troll

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Troll, are you so not in my good graces. Which stars? Alpha Centuri? Madonna? Bill & Ted after one of their great adventures?

    harump…

    Back to…

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    We’ll have to book B5 to play at the inaugural ball.

  • troll

    why – I was referring to our rising BC political stars of course

    and I for one have greatest respect for the writers who make the political stage the comedy that it is

    terribly sorry

    troll

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    I’m so jealous of Gonzo. Chief Justice is so much more potentially powerful than POTUS, plus it’s a lifetime sinecure. I don’t want to just sign the laws, I want to decide what they MEAN. That’s power.

    Dave

  • troll

    don’t forget those signing statements Dave

    troll

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com Andy Marsh

    I need to point out something to Nancy…Harpo was the SILENT Marx brother….

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Troll…nice try, but I’m still so hurt, I can barely type these w….o….r….d…..s onto the screen. I want the same kind of job Dave wants…lifetime sinecure, limited work schedule, and lots of power to impose my own personal dictates on the entire nation. Woof.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • troll

    I owe Mark 1 bottle of Jamesons and some veritas

    troll

    (how’s that)

  • Nancy

    I’m well aware of which one Harpo was; that was the whole point of that particular point. Thanks anyway.

    Who ya gonna get to be your Press Sec & tell your lies for ya, Dave? Who on BC can tell whoppers w/a straight face?

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    simplicity itself…for Press Secretary..big Al Barger!!!

    as for Silas’ very complimentary bit of having me on SCOTUS…WTF are you smoking man?!?!?!

    OK…OK…I’ll go with it…but you realize i will go to the senate and House in my robes with the big gavel, and any moron that tries to put a Law up that’s blatantly unConstitutional will be hammered by that gavel on the knuckles…3 broken knuckles in one session means they have to wear the red ball gag ….5 gets them the “gimp” suit…

    so let it be Written, so let it be Done!

    mwahahahAAHAHAHahhaHAAHAHAhahHAHAaaa

    now, yas sure ya won’t just let me have Fiji as Ambassador for life?

    Excelsior?

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    don’t forget those signing statements Dave

    I take those signing statements just exactly as seriously as they deserve. They’re worth every bit of the 2.5 cents value of the paper they’re typed up on.

    Who ya gonna get to be your Press Sec & tell your lies for ya, Dave? Who on BC can tell whoppers w/a straight face?

    If I were POTUS I wouldn’t need a Press Secretary. I’d just do all the Press Conferences myself and tell the truth, because I don’t give a rat’s ass what the press thinks and making fun of them would be my main source of entertainment. IMO Bush has his jobs assigned all wrong. Rumsfeld should have been his Press Secretary from the very beginning.

    Dave

  • Ruvy from Jerusalem

    Boy, you guys drive hard bargains – here I am in the privileged position of watching sausage making in the process. So what do I report to my friends anyway? It looks like history is being made here.

  • Nancy

    You may even be tempted to return, Ruvy.

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    if i’m Chief Justice…any “signing statements” get immediate gavel action…

    then i’d hide in ambush for Frist to put up another “marriage amendment” or similar bullshit….

    anybody remember “Maxwell’s silver Hammer”??

    heh

    Excelsior?

  • Nancy

    One of my favorite songs. It should have been MUCH bigger than it was. Nice little ditty.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    troll,

    all is forgiven, return home…

    as for my former best friends, gonzo, dave, suss and others–would wouldn’t even consider me as part of their cabal–well, i’m above casual slander. wait until i can think of some really good slander.

    In decaf veritas

  • Nancy

    If you’re gonna do something, may as well do it right.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Maybe next time you’ll contribute to my campaign fund, O stingy one.

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    ah Mark me boyo..dinnae include me with their sordid dealings…all i wanted was Fiji

    twas Silas who put me ‘pon the Bench…but if it’s the foine robes yer a’wantin’, take ‘em with me blessings… methinks twas just as a check and balance Silas did put me there…

    i’ll just take Fiji, dinnae fash yerself laddie

    Excelsior?

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Ah gonzo, laddie, and it’s a fine, fine t’ing yer’ve offered, but on second t’ought, me t’inks t’misses & I would prefer Fiji. We’ll send yer a postcard. Or, even better, now I use me brains, we could be joint ambassadors & frolick whilst da ot’ers werk t’ere fuckin’ arses off.

    suss, ladd, and as sure as t’good Lord is my shepherd, i never knew yer was runnin’ fer anyt’in, so next time, jus’ let me know & a fat check’ll be comin’ yer way.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • JustOneMan

    hey you guys need to pick a theme song for your campaign…lets see “Dont Stop thinking about tomorrow” that was already used by Billy Clinton… hmmmm “This Land is Your Land” no Bush used that….any ideas>

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    heh..ideas fer Music…sure..

    “you dare ot tellme what to do?
    you’ve got a lot of nerve.
    watch yer mouth or you might get,
    the dentist you deserve”

    Motorhead

    or perhaps “Freewill” by Rush?

    Excelsior?

  • troll

    in keeping with traditional songs of We The People – “The Big Rock Candy Mountain”

    troll

  • JustOneMan

    I was thinking something to connect to the younger generation…

    Are you ready kids?
    Aye-aye Captain.
    I can’t hear you…
    Aye-Aye Captain!!
    Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
    SpongeBob SquarePants!
    Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
    SpongeBob SquarePants!
    If nautical nonsense be something you wish…
    SpongeBob SquarePants!
    Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
    SpongeBob SquarePants!
    Ready?
    SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!
    SpongeBob…. SquarePants! Haha

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    on a side note: in response to a previous conversation twixt me and our POTUS nominee regarding ex-WH official, Safavian…

    according to Reuters…
    *A federal jury found David Safavian — a former chief of staff at the General Services Administration — guilty of four of five counts of lying and obstructing justice in the first trial to be held in connection with the Abramoff influence-peddling scandal.*

    the first conviction of a WH official in regards to the Abramhoff scandal…we will see how this one progresses

    heh

    /loads birdshot into the .10 gauge magnum, second barrel gets rocksalt

    Excelsior?

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Gonzo, I hate to be a nitpicker, but head of the GSA is not a White House position. It’s in the executive branch, and he was a presidential appointee, but it’s not even a cabinet-level post.

    And as for a theme song, I’m sure gonzo would join me in appreciating “Baba O’Riley” by The Who, particularly the part of the refrain where they say “we won’t get fooled again…”

    Dave

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com Silas Kain

    I hereby nominate mschannon to be Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and National Security Adviser. Please forgive my sin of omission.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Oh Silas, you suck up you.

    But I humbly and modestly accept. As a Vietnam War draft dodger, I think I have what it takes to turn our fighting men and women into the kind of force it takes to drive Bush & CO out of Washington, out of America, and into the streets of Bagdad.

    First, we need to lower our standards. The Navy Seals need a lot more…seals…but they don’t want less than the best of the best of the best. I say, fuck it, if you’re stupid enough to put your life on the line in the most harrowing situations known to man, let the people in. Talk about cleaning up the gene pool.

    Second, we have to stop acting like the world’s bad guy and start behaving like the world’s meanest bad ass. Teddy Roosevelt said, “speak softly and carry a big stick.” GWB would probably say, “rant and wave around your soft, flacid dick.”

    Don’t like North Korea? Nuke the bastards. Iran not willing to cooperate? Nuke the bastards.

    Get my drift in terms of our theme song: Randy Newman’s, “Boom”

    No one likes us
    We dont’ know why,
    We may not be perfect,
    But heaven knows we try.
    But all around,
    even our old friends put us down,
    Let’s drop the big one
    and see what happens.

    We give them money
    but are they grateful?
    No their spiteful and they’re hateful.
    They don’t respect us,
    So drop the big one and pulverize them.

    Asia’s crowded, Europe’s too old,
    Africa is far to hot and Canada’s too cold
    South America stole our name,
    Let’s drop the big one,
    There’ll be no one left to blame us.

    We’ll save Australia,
    Don’t want to hurt no Kangaroo,
    We’ll build an all-American amusement park there,
    They got surfin’ too.

    Boom goes London, Boom Paris,
    More room for you and more room for me.
    And every city, the whole world round,
    Will just be another American town.
    Oh how peaceful it’ll be,
    We’ll set everybody free
    You’ll wear Japanese kimona baby
    It’ll be Italian shoes for me.

    They all hate us anyhow,
    So let’s drop the big one now.
    Let’s drop the big one now.

    ———

    If that’s not enough go get me the appointment, I say the hell with all of you. I’m going to New Zealand and join the Hobbits.

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Nancy

    Ooooo…I LIKE that song. Sentiments after my own heart – but I always was an out-of-the-closet isolationist.

    If I proffer enough cases of bourbon to the JuJu Temple complex in Maine, c’n I be permanent US Liason to Tahiti?

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    of course, Nancy… single malt scotch fer me, and peanuts fer JuJu, may his tusks always glow in the Light of Reason… Tahiti should be perfect for you, we need to keep them in line, they are getting a bit uppity

    yes, i can agree on Baba O’Reilly…

    hurm…perhaps i should type out “an Interview with JuJu the Elephant God”…he’s been bitching atme to do it since his last attempt at making a Prophet failed…well, sort of…

    we will see…

    Excelsior?

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Nancy, you’re on the right track. I’ll take a bottle of gonzo’s single malt but a case of Jamesons for me. And make sure to crack the peanuts before you give them to Ju Ju…he’s very touchy about things like that.

    Send postcards from Tahiti.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • sr

    GREAT DAY IN THE CORNFIELD.

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com Silas Kain

    Oh Silas, you suck up you.

    That’s what they tell me I am and I accept the distinction with pride and honer. Go forth, and be Chief. Show this country what you’re made of!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Shit, I’ve forgotten what I’m chief of. Man, has this thread taken a turn for the weird…or the normal? I wish I could tell.

    In decaf veritas

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com Silas Kain

    You are Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff as well as National Security Advisor. So, start a military junta, please. For the love of God and country save us.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Not sure I can cohabitate the seat of power with Gonzo if he’s swilling bourbon. It’s going to be single-malt only in the White House.

    Dave

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Dave, not to worry. It was Nancy’s fault about the Bourbon–Gonzo’s a single-malt man, and as the National Security Advisory and Chief of the Joint Chiefs, or something, I’ll enjoy your fine single-malt at the White House and keep my Middleton Irish whiskey at the Pentagon, where it belongs.

    Now, how do I start a junta? Anybody got any guns. My bride won’t let me handle anything more dangerous than a light bulb. And no marching. I hate exercise. We use armored vehicles to go everywhere.

    You know, somewhere Bush/Cheney/Rummy have to be wishing they could somewhere–anywhere else but where they are. Let’s face it, you’re Bush, you wake up and think, hm, what am I gonna do today. There’s Iraq, Iran, Korea, Darfur, Nigeria, China, Pakistan, Russia, the EU–all of whom hate us. And then those pesky Americans who demand all sorts of services they won’t pay for.

    Now that I think of it, no wonder Reagan took so many naps. It was the only way to escape.

    Anyway, my point is, we write them a nice letter and offer to take their jobs. I’ll bet there’s a 50/50 chance they agree.

    Of course, we have to be ready for the horrible consequences of what we do if they do agree!

    Thank God for,

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Iraq, Iran, Korea, Darfur, Nigeria, China, Pakistan, Russia, the EU –all of whom hate us.

    At the risk of stating the obvious I do have to say, I’ve got no objection to being known by our enemies if that crew of scoundrels is going to be the benchmark.

    Dave

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Dave, I agree (except for the EU) but do you really want to wake up every day having to deal with those morons? Once we implement the Randy Newman strategy, it’ll be different–they we can play and have fun and dominate the world.

    In Decaf Veritas

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer.php?name=gonzo%20marx gonzo marx

    dominate a bunch of smoking glass craters ya mean?

    but i digress…

    now yas realize why all i wanted was Fiji?

    Excelsior?

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com mschannon

    Well, it’s too late, me boyo, yer already t’commander in chief t’ be, and t’at’s yer lot in life. But not t’worry, t’ere’ll be plenty a’ places where a good Irishman like yerself can roam wit’out comin’ in contact wit’ t’at bleedin’ glass crater t’ing yer whinin’ about.

    An’ don’t forget bleedin’ Australia–don’t wanna hurt no kangaroos. That’s better ‘n Fiji anyday, lad.

    In Jameson Veritas…soon

  • Joey

    So much for the Web scare. Only 3 percent of eligible Virginia voters turned out for the Demcratic primary.

    That’s pathetic.

  • Joey

    Oh and Eric… thanks for the Cookie. Now I gotta go do a freakin’ clean up.

  • Joey

    Nancy,

    Can I have a bottle? The weekend is coming up.

    Oh, and Eric… thanks for freakin’ Cookie again.

    Are you working for Echelon now?