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DVD Review: Jersey Shore – Season Four

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Superficial, pointless and dreadful beyond reason, Jersey Shore has somehow become a hit on MTV. Sure, being a hit on the same network that features such stellar programming as Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant on their slate of cultural contributions may not be that big of a deal, but the guidos and guidettes from Jersey Shore have still somehow collected a significant following and are MTV’s highest-rated series ever.

So significant is the following for this group of narcissistic morons that they were paid $100,000 per episode for the fourth season of the show. That’s $100,000 for each of these entitled idiots to spend time in the “smoosh room,” get drunk, yell at each other, work out, get drunk at a half-assed pizza “job,” eat Sunday dinner, cry and stumble through the cobbled streets of Italy, and cuddle.

The fourth season, now out on DVD, finds the spoiled posse heading to Italy to basically do the same meaningless shit they do back at home.

For the mercifully uninitiated, the “gang” is J-Woww, Mike “The Situation,” Deena, Snooki, Pauly D, Ronnie, Vinny, and Sammi “The Sweetheart.”

Presumably this exhibition of shallowness and herpes-driven conceit is supposed to be funny, but I was hard-pressed to find a single laugh through all dozen uncensored episodes found on this DVD set.

The directness of the guidos and guidettes when it comes to all matters sexual is fairly unsettling. They habitually ask one another if they’re planning to have sex with someone else, showing disconcerting interest in the lascivious ways of their preposterously bronzed pals and routinely “hooking up” without regard for consequences.

The arrival of a set of twins sets up a “situation” where Snooki attempts to assemble a threesome with the two brainless girls and Mike. “The other one, she’s like a big whore,” says the little orange girl. When Deena sweeps in, things go from bad to plain “lesbianonic” before the “blast in a glass” decides that she “likes penis” after all.

When the gang isn’t trying to set up sexual encounters with random people or each other, they spend time in absurdly dramatic conflict. Snooki and Mike are particularly at odds, with “The Situation” apparently feeling something for Snooki despite running around with other girls in Italy. Snooki loses it on “The Situation” in a particularly critical scene that drags on and on and on.

Ronnie and Mike fight it out in one particuarly contentious episode and the muscled dimwit verbally abuses Sammi, while Deena and Snooki experience a little Italian justice in “Meatball Mashup.” Such fun!

Does any of this matter? Only if your bar for entertainment is spectacularly low.

The DVD set includes all 12 episodes from the fourth season of Jersey Shore in their somewhat uncensored glory (nudity is blurred out for some reason). There are a few bonus features, including a series of “After Hours” specials and a reunion special. Confessionals and deleted scenes complete the set.

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