DVD Review: 2-Headed Shark Attack

There’s an old saying in Hollywood: “Anything to make a buck.” This doubly applied to independent exploitation movie makers. After the success of Piranha — campy remake of a campy Jaws spoof, it was inevitable that someone would return to the root of the killer fish genre and present us with a neo-sharksploitation flick that’s a rip-off of a remake of a spoof. 2-Headed Shark Attack — a movie that is so bad, it’s downright terrible. The lad behind this run-of-the-mill excursion to direct-to-video monstrosities is Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray, son of another B-movie auteur, Fred Olen Ray. And, just to keep up with the exploitation angle, Christopher hired Piranha actor Jerry O’Connell’s brother Charlie as the lead actor.

He also brought Carmen Electra onboard as Charlie’s scientist (uh-huh) wife, who does little else than sunbathe during the movie, and whose interactions with the rest of the cast are so sparse, you’d almost wonder if she didn’t stick around to film while everyone else went out to lunch. Speaking of “out to lunch,” it would appear that 2-Headed Shark Attack’s writers and continuity people were also away on an extended dining break (they must’ve sent ‘em out to get doughnuts or something). The ridiculous story here has a boatload of college kids on a Semester at Sea, who run into a dead shark and are forced to retreat to an uninhabited island while they attempt to fix the now-breeched hull.

Of course, the ship doesn’t get repaired (the titular two-headed shark eats anyone who threatens to end the movie abruptly), and the kids and their professor (O’Connell) are forced to figure out their plan of action on an uninhabited atoll that is complete with a road, a dock and signs that read “No Fishing.” Oh, and did I mention that the atoll is mysteriously sinking piece-by-piece? I should also point out that the shark (whose two heads enable it to have double the sensitivity to electromagnetic pulses — or something like that) is inexplicably able to change its size depending on the depth of the water (the ocean itself constantly alters its depth, as well as color). It can also bi-locate thanks to some poor editing.

Boasting some of the worst special defects (CGI and live-action alike), editing, acting, and writing in recent memory (to say nothing of its concept), 2-Headed Shark Attack is the kind of B-movie your mother warned you about: the kind that isn’t even enjoyable because of its own level of absurdity. I noticed during one scene, the reflection of the cameraman’s legs were clearly visible. I also observed that no other crewmembers were anywhere in the vicinity. That’s right: 2-Headed Shark Attack was so bad, that even the crew didn’t want to hang around to watch it whilst it was being made — and they were on-hand to see all the bikini-clad breasts in the flesh, too, mind you.

But don’t take my word for it: watch this instead…

Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray’s company, The Asylum, brings this one to DVD and Blu-ray (what?) in a decent-enough presentation, with a making-of featurette and gag reel (but the whole movie made me gag!) as bonus features.

Skip it and check out Enzo G. Castellari’s Great White instead: now that’s a sharksploitation B-movie!