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Duck, Tom Delay

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You know the liberal media has gone too far when they start making up stories about conservative Republicans attacking House Speaker Tom “First, let’s kill all the judges” DeLay. Why in today’s ultra-liberal Washington Post, reporter Mike Allen, obviously a pseudonym, writes that even Republican Senator Rick Santorum has finally had it with Tom Delay.

Rick “what’s wrong with Attilla?” Santorum is about as conservative as they come. To think that he’d attack DeLay is absurd. Here’s a fake quote: DeLay needs to “lay out what he did and why he did it.” Hmmm. Allen is pretending the quote is about DeLay’s perfectly legitimate trips to important international hot spots like Bermuda, Aruba, a small chateaux on the Loire Valley…you know…places where stuff’s happenin’ and important people need to be seen.

BUT…look at the quote. Santorum never mentions trips–acid, mescaline, or otherwise. Maybe he was talking about what DeLay did to injure his ankle and why he was so stupid?

In the same story, Republican turncoat Chris Shays called DeLay “an absolute embarrassment to me and to the Republican party.” Sure.

The Post’s like a dog that’s caught the rear fender of a bus. It’s gonna gnaw that thing until it gets the fender for itself. In another story, New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg sent DeLay a letter saying the poor beleaguered Speaker may have broken federal laws when he said, “The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior.” Supposedly, it was about the Shiavo case. Personally, I don’t think the speaker was calling on anyone to kill the judges.

Poor Tom.

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About Mark Schannon

Retired crisis & risk manager/communications expert; extensive public relations experience in most areas over 30 years. Still available for extraordinary opportunities of mind-numbing complexity. Life-long liberal agnostic...or is that agnostic liberal.
  • http://www.peoplehavethepower.blogspot.com Lisa Iannucci

    You have got to be kidding me. The Post ultra-liberal? Look at some of the columnists: Charles Krauthammer, Robert Novak, Michael Ignatius, Anne Applebaum…

    Further, “Mike Allen” is not a pseudonym, he covered Bush on the campaign trail if memory serves, and I have friends who have met him.

    As for DeLay, well he is sinking himself. No need for Santorum to do it for him, though it appears that is what is happening.

    Let’s deal with facts next time, ok?

    DCL

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Ms. Ianucci, nice to meet you. If you’ll look at my other posts–in fact, if you’ll read this post more carefully, you’ll find that I steadfastly refuse to deal in facts. First, facts are in the mind of the beholder. Second, opinions are much funnier than facts.

    Mozart & Salieri! It was satire! “Tom ‘first let’s kill all the judges’ Delay?” “Rick ‘what’s wrong with Attilla’ Santorum?”

    O.k., so maybe it’s bad satire, but it was intended to make people laugh, perhaps grin.

    Gonzo, help! My good name has been besmirched.

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    Add the sub-category humor&satire if you intend a post as satire

  • http://www.templestark.com Temple Stark

    I got it but it’s not like your other posts. Is it? Maybe i’ll have to re-read those in light of this new information. LOL

  • gonzo marx

    Mark sez..
    *Gonzo, help! My good name has been besmirched.*

    oh no ya don’t ya twisted ninnehammer

    i don’t get in enuff trouble around here without having to explain your convoluted sense of humor to some fo these folks?

    well ok…first, hand Lisa back her leg cuz it seems to have come off when you were pulling it…

    and answer yer e-mail!!…sheeesh

    {8^P~~~~~~

    Excelsior!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Aaman, if I have to tell people it’s satire before they read it, either I have to give up trying to be funny or people need to grow a funny bone. I hope it’s the latter. Plus, I don’t know how to do that anyway.

    Temple, is it like my other posts? Beats me. On my blog, I’ve got some ranting and raving that’s absolutely serious…and then some stuff that’s a combination of humor and serious, and then things completely made up.

    I don’t want to be consistent. That’s why I retired–semi retired. Keep ‘em guessing, keep ‘em confused, keep ‘em laughing. I hope.

    And Lisa, here’s your leg back. I wondered what that was. Apologies & abasements.

    Gonzo–convoluted sense of humor! Why that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in the last five minutes. And I’ll answer your damn e-mail now. The heck with my novel that an agent actually wants me to finish. (Wait, if that’s the case, what am I doing spending time here?)

    Oh confusions & consternations.

  • http://www.thebmrant.com Matt

    for the record, I got it. Good stuff, Mark.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    May you be blessed with continuing good wit and wisdom, Matt. Thanks!

  • http://www.diablog.us Dave Nalle

    I found it amusing. And the Post is not ultra-liberal. It’s about the only honest moderate paper in America.

    Dave

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Uh oh, dark clouds descending, thunder, lightening, the earth is torn asunder. Could this be what was predicted in Revelations?

    !Dave & I agree! (And he’s always had good taste in terms of humor.)

  • http://www.morethings.com/senate Al Barger

    You punks had better shut your mouths talking about Delay before he has to send a couple of Halliburton thugs over to break your kneecaps.

  • Tristan

    we better hurry up and accept jesus christ as our personal savior before the Rapture and we all go to “hell” ……!!!

    but waht about all of us “Witches” …???

    If we just open our lips and sasy jesus christ is our personal savior —
    we’ll be ok …???

    Phew ~~~! I was gettin’ “worried” there for a bit~~!

    The only Hel I know of is the Goddess by that name ~~~

    Pagans Anonymous …!!!!!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    It wasn’t me…I didn’t do it…I’m innocent…my computer was taken over by a vicious virus created by Gonzo “the great” Marx who sullied my good name by impunging the reputation of one of the greatest leaders this great country has ever greatly known.

    I love Tom DeLay.

    God bless america,
    land that i love,
    may Tom guide her, bestride her,
    as he demonstrates his ne’er dying love.

    In the words of the immortal Belushi, “IT’S NOT MY FAULT.”

  • gonzo marx

    Mark you miserable squealer..

    for revealing the super secret plan utilizing the “Number of the Best” digital infection i will now be forced to launder the greasy stain of your existance form the soiled underwear of the blogoshpere..

    i am now releasing my evil nanobot swarm to disassemble you, cell by cell and re-assemble you 180 degrees out of phase..

    so when you wake up tommorrow left handed you will know my Power!!!!!

    mwahahAHAAhahaHAHAhahaHahhahahAhAhaaaaa

    oooops…did i say that out loud?

    Excelsior!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Oh Gonzo, thou miserable, spiteful, revengeful wretch. Seeketh the truth in thine own actions and seeketh not to imposeth upon others the “number of the best” digital infection.

    Buteth, the joke ist on thou, oh spine of the demons (or is that spawn)…if I be left handed in the world of now, then thou nanobot swarm will be encorpusculated into quantum confusion and return upon you twelve fold, as Moses laid upon the children of Egypt the 452 plages. (The editors of the Bible reduced it to 10 plagues, thinking readers wouldn’t have the patience to go through all 452.)

    I accept all as my personal savior–jesus, allah, buddah, jerry, tom, and gonzo. For, verily, I am saved beyond redemption.

    mwahahAHAAhahaHAHAhahaHahhahahAhAhaaaaa

    Take that, all thou who wouldst come between me and…
    mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the horde,
    they look an awful lot like locusts, but relax, it’s just the lord,
    they will carry me to heaven on their felt-tipped, satin sword,
    my truth goes marching on.

    Cogito ergo cogito (ab absurdum)

  • http://www.templestark.com Temple Stark

    My head’s spinning. Does that mean I’m possessed or just very confused :-0

  • gonzo marx

    Temple…the Answer is…both…that is directly from my source at the Infernal Revue Service…

    and as for you Mark, you ignorant, misinformed slut..

    if yer left handed now, then you will be right handed in the morning..simplicity itself…

    now don’t tempt Fate here, hapless whelp….they can be just as easily reprogrammed …

    how would you like to spend the rest of your life with a hopeless addiction to the O’Reily Factor?

    and let me know how the new breasts work out for ya… quadruple D’s enough?

    Excelsior!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    i’m very busy now, gonzo thou infidel, so i can’t respond in the manner thou deservest…(fear not Temple, gonzo is spinning the weave of deception)…i will respond with appropriate approbation!

  • http://www.bigtimepatriot.com Big Time Patriot

    After the comatose Floridians, it’s the satirists who will be the next to be starved to death. And possibly the farcists and parodists since no one can remember the exact difference.

  • gonzo marx

    ooOOOOooooo i’ll take the farcists
    and you take the parodists..
    and i’ll be in Satire afooOOOooorrre ye..

    but i digress…

    possibly this permutation?

    perhaps the propensity of prosaic prose purveying persnickity pieces of pusillanimous positions postulating a plethora of prejudicial posturing pre-disposes people to perpetual perplexity at the preponderance of poltroons populating the planet?

    punctuation can be paramount

    /paragraph

    Excelsior!

  • http://www.templestark.com Temple Stark

    possibly this permutation?

    perhaps the propensity of prosaic prose purveying persnickity pieces of pusillanimous positions postulating a plethora of prejudicial posturing pre-disposes people to perpetual perplexity at the preponderance of poltroons populating the planet?

    punctuation can be paramount

    /paragraph

    OK that’s just nice. But maybe I only think so because I, too, am left-handed.

  • gonzo marx

    possibly…

    Excelsior!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    GONZO, what have you done to me, oh thou cruel wretch and villain! I awoke this morning scratching my butt with the wrong hand, going on to Amazon to buy all of Bill O’Reilly’s books (I already have all of Goldwater’s). I don’t just watch Ann Coulter (from another thread) I turn up the sound and understand.

    and I love my boobs. Thanks!

    On another note, Big Time Pat, you don’t scare me. I never resort to humor. I speak only the truth.

  • gonzo marx

    heh…

    that’ll learn ya..

    Excelsior!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    harumph. think i’ll just let this go. my wrath & retribution will be terrible to behold.

    i just have to think of an appropriate response–a horned toad, a horned owl, a horned rhinocerous…the options are endless.

    Cabbages for All!