The “Thought Screen Helmet” prevents telepathic communications between aliens and humans. According to the website, it is a tested, proven device, that can be created from a mere $35 in materials. Scientific validity aside, it certainly is a fashion statement.
According to the website, the helmet stops “several types” of aliens from probing the mind. As advanced a technology as this appears to be, the materials are decidedly low-tech:
- Cloth or plastic tape
- Hat or helmet
- 3M Velostat
Who would have thought that preventing telepathy could be this easy!
The homepage boasts a very enthusiastic customer recomendation:
“Since trying Michael Menkin’s Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity.”
There is also a “Case Histories” section with a wealth of information, including the only reported abduction of a human wearing the helmet, apparently by a “mantis-type” alien using a staring technique.
The website also promises a that a video will be revealed of aliens that will definitively prove their existence. The video was shot, allegedy, by a lady who has been wearing the Thought Screen Helmet every moment of every day. There’s no mention of what her social life is like.
There is one fairly grainy alien photo on the site itself. According to the author, the large brain proves its mental prowess, and special note is made of its shiny, nutrient-absorbing skin. Of course, it may just be me, but it also looks like a reject from the Cantina scene in Star Wars. But I’m not wearing a Thought Screen Helmet so this could just be alien-domination speaking.
If all of this isn’t enough to convince you to buy out your local supply of Velostat, consider these words by the helmet creator, Michael Menkin:
Since we are being invaded by an alien force from another world, we have a different kind of war. Our war with these beings is one of mind control, mind scan, and telepathic control….Until now, the creatures attacking us could do so at will: they could “switch off” people or render them powerless, manipulate people’s thoughts and cause them to move against their will, project mental images to us, masquerade as a friendly or sexually attractive human, and scan our entire minds.
The “thought screen helmet” is our only defense in a “telepathic war”…
There you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. Of all the dangers, it is the penultimate threat he exposes that causes me the most distress: aliens masquerading as “sexually attractive humans.” As if beer-goggling wasn’t enough, now we’ve got mind-goggling!?! Now THAT is a problem. Get me some Velostat, stat![Article cross-posted at The Errant Fool, here.] Pub:NB Powered by Sidelines