My husband and I are in the process of a divorce, and I had told myself that I am not the kind of person to 'need' a serious relationship — that I would be just fine to spend the rest of my life single, dating casually. I really cannot envision myself being satisfied with only one person for the rest of my life. Though I wonder if I am deluding myself; I am rarely satisfied with the superficial, and I have such a difficult time with people 'just passing through' my life. Do you see anything in my chart that explains these feelings? What would be your advice to reconcile these seemingly opposing forces?
There's a second part to my question: I recently met a man who on the surface seems ideal for me, and the circumstances under which we met lends an almost 'fated' quality, though I am terrified of jumping into anything anytime soon. He is looking for a life-partner. Should I even consider getting involved?
Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).
So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract… ::laughs:: And you can see the beauty here, right? It’s called “get to know you!” And I don’t know how you’re going to handle this with this guy or the next or the next, but I do know this is very common problem.
We are all ambivalent around relationships to various degrees. We want the safety that a contained relationship affords, but at the same time, we want to have our options open. For many of us “I do” feels like a death, but no one tells you that when you’re young.
Instead, conventional “everything” is presented as if it is the only path, which is why so many people wind up living lives that feel just miserable to them. It’s because they are like you. Or they are like me. They have a queer shaped foot that not just any shoe is going to fit!
So I think you are on the path toward coming to terms with your situation, which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.
And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but every Thursday is “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. Three months and the see if you want to re-up. You get the idea.