Home / Divorce! Ex-Wife in Bitter Fight With Control Freak Ex-Husband: Astrology-Based Advice

Divorce! Ex-Wife in Bitter Fight With Control Freak Ex-Husband: Astrology-Based Advice

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Dear Elsa,

I was married for 36 years to the father of my four children. He was a control freak and I lived in fear of him. On requesting a divorce in February 2003, he agreed to an amicable one, saying we should have parted years back.

I was not to go to an attorney or I would never see my children again. Our children all work for him and this was the kind of hell he put me through. He used the three eldest kids to draw up my settlement offer. On refusing, it, I sought legal advice. I and my present husband were then sued – for going against him.

My last three years have been a nightmare from hell with this man still threatening me. I agreed to settle out of court because I feared him and I was also emotionally unstable due to the threats he made against me. I got a pittance from him. I never worked but was a full time wife and mother – which he was quite happy with. I want to be happy, to see my life out in peace but this man continues to cause trouble, his kids all fear him and I won't back off until I have the money he owes me. How long does it take to move on?

Ex-Wife Still Stuck

Dear Stuck,

taxco sun moon astrology zodiac jewelryPeople move and move on at different speeds. They move when they damned well please and I don’t think you’re going to be moving anytime soon.

I base this on the fact you stayed married to a man who terrorized you (and your children) for 36 years. I base this on the fact that you state outright that you have no intention of backing off until and unless. And considering this, to be completely candid, I would not be surprised if you stayed attached for the rest of your life.

Don’t like that? Well then you will have to start thinking along the lines of cutting your losses. But right now, you’re not willing. You do not want to think about how much this is costing you in pain. You’re used to pain I suppose. You’ve had forty years of it!

So if you want to think about easing up somehow, or letting something go, or seeking happiness as opposed to victory, then this could wrap up very quickly. But right now, you are determined to fight to the death, and I expect this is exactly what you'll do.

Good luck.

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  • Shannon Smith

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address aisabulovespell@gmail.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Aisabu. His email: aisabulovespell@gmail.com/.

  • Marian Jerry

    Thank you very much DR EHI for i never thought any thing could make my husband come back to me as his wife again after he broke up with me and left to settle down with another woman who never Knew how we both suffered and share feelings together in USA but thank God today i was lucky to see this great spell caster on a site after seeing a lots of testimony and good work he have done in the lives of people helping them to get their ex,husbands and wife renewing their relationship. so you can contact Dr Ehi for help with his email address ehispellcentre@gmail.com or his web site on http://ehispellcentre.webs.com.

  • Shelley

    I was with a guy for 3 years, he always told me he loved me and that we wouldn’t break up because if you love someone you make it work. We could never work out a time when we were both free and just a couple days ago he said we should just be friends. I know he don’t me love anymore. When we were dating he said to everyone that I was his girlfriend and introduced me, told his friends he really liked me and told me he loved me, I wanted to be with him again but I never knew what to do. I tried for a long time with other spell casters to get him back but greatzalilu@gmail.com was the ONLY spell caster that could do the love spell for me that worked, if you need help contact him today he will always come to your aid, Obviously great zalilu is the REAL DEAL!

  • Anonymous

    My story with began, I loved my my boyfriend so much but he never loved me rather he travelled with another girl to unknown destination, I was all over the internet trying to find who could help me out with my situation but no results at all or little signs, I have to admit I was about to give up on him, then one day I was making a search on a google i found dr.marnish@yahoo.com in the internet where he had helped many girls who had the same issue with me, when i contacted him he said he will help me and just as he said after But 3 days after the the spell was done, I received an email from my boyfriend and that’s when things really changed he stopped his bad habit, We came back together and I was astounded because so many say they are the best but can’t back it. but dr.marnish really surprised me with his spell, i want to testify today about the seriousness of dr marnish
    Harringjessi, England

  • Mike Anita

    What would i have done if not for DR OKAKAGBE ,my name is Mike anita, I am 27 years old and i have a son. Unfortunately almost a year ago his father broke up with me because of a mistake I made and I just really want him back. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want our family to be complete again, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I read online that he helped a girl in this situation and I contact him for help. I grew up with my parents divorced and I don’t want that for my son and I miss my husband so much and just want our family to be whole again I want the love of my life back and I can honestly say that because he is the only man I have ever truly loved with all my heart.So i seek help from ACOGBESPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM and he responded to me and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting back my husband and i am happy and grateful to him for helping me. ACOGBESPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. the only through spell caster i have ever known

  • Marian Gregory

    Hello my name is Marian i know a great spell caster who helped me when i had problem with my Husband if you need a right place to solve your problems contact DR OKORO SPELL TEMPLE is the right choice. he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like

    Contact Dr. OKORO on: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com

    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) Herbal care

    Contact Dr. OKORO on: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com

  • Marian Gregory


    HE CAN ALSO HELP WITH YOUR PROBLEM,THANK YOU SO SO MUCH Dr Okorospelltemple, EMAIL: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com

  • joyce

    My name is Joyce. My husband and I have been married almost 19 years, we have been together for 24 years. We have two beautiful children ages 12 and 14. We used to be best friends and lovers. We had so many dreams and goals. Life was becoming so busy and the little things got in the way. Both our children have challenges ranging from anxiety and adhd to learning disorder and mood problems. The struggle of managing the children, two full times jobs and daily life left the marriage into the dust. We have not made our marriage a priority. Finances was been tough, and our dreams are looking further and further away. I was blamimg and resent my husband for many things that are not totally his fault. I was often angry and rude and have threatened separation and divorce. i think of what to do before a friend gave me the
    freemercytemple@yahoo.com contact a spiritual spell caster,my friend told me to explaind all what that was happening in the familly,i explained everything from a to z and he ask me for some finance which render and also told me what to do,in less than 6 days my familly completely change,everything is now back to nomal,no more quorel,no more hardship we are happy than ever now which is like a suprise to me, freemercytemple@yahoo.com really did some changes in my familly things are back and having the life we dreamed of together.

  • lynn

    There usually are 2 sides to every story,but there is no excuse for any type of abuse.In my case i found out that my abusive all round husband likes to look at men and have oral sex with them.I later found out i contacted herpes from him.He is a pathalogical lier who is ruining me anyway he can in the divorce because i found out his secret.We were married about 12 yrs together about 16 with 3 girls.He is a sociopathic narcassist .

  • bint

    Oh my lordy Messiah, I GOT hurb BACK. Im so excited, It only took 1 weeks for him to come home. bless divinity and bless goodwill of Dr. Messiah [Personal contact info deleted] i must be dremin as i never thoughts he would be back to me after all this time. I am so much shock and just cant believe my eyes. [Personal contact info deleted] thank him thank the great temple from the bottom of my heart.

  • DAD

    We tend to think that we did not have any part in it or responsibility.
    Howcome when one or the other leave because they think or expectations were too high?
    I am not out to attack any third party. I want to have known to everyone that whatever the agenda or role was effected thier partner. And believe me, if what any of you are thinking or believe? so does the ex. We are so used to lying to ourselves that the damage that is inficeted on us is because of them. Well it is not really. Perhaps it was our own inner self. Perhaps there were times when asking children to choose during divorce was the kicker. or perhaps it was assumptions that were nto really there and feelings that got in the way? I belive now that whomever labels an ex as a control freak, is truly one themselves.

  • Janice

    Hi I am going through hell myself as the man I was with for 16 years had an affair so we split up. We had 2 children one who was born at 23 weeks and has C.P. and is tube fed and possibly has asbergers syndrome. I decided to take the high road and for 10 years things have gone smoothly. For the sake of the children I didn’t put up too many demands and he had minimal contact with the children being a disneyland dad sort . Last April I suggested to him that we update our child support agreement to inclulde provisions for our son beyond age 18 and have been living in hell ever since.I have spent close to 20.000.00 he has violated several court orders, we got a restraining order, went into hiding, he assaulted my disabled husband and sexually assaulted our daughter and he is a high ranking police officer!!! I can’t believe what he gets away with.

  • I’m going through the same stuff. Been harassed for 11 years by my ex. I’m tired. Very tired but I have to comment to Lea. Fight for your son. When my ex moved and wouldn’t tell me where he was with my kid, I threatened Amber alert, the local media, the police, America’s Most Wanted, anyone I could think of. I faxed copies of my custody papers to my son’s school to protect my visitation and custody rights. I have my best friend now read my emails from him and report only the important stuff that has to do with my son’s schedule but I tell my ex that the emails all go to my attorney and we will revisit the custody agreement in court if he obstructs my schedule with my child. And, boy, does he try. From doctor’s appointments to team sports, my ex will schedule my son’s time when he’s supposed to be with me but it doesn’t mean I legally have to allow it. I let my son play soccer and, of course, his father is the coach every year and practice is only on my days but I am right there, cheering my child on and ignoring his father as best as I can. I will never let my ex feel he can take my time with my child easily. You have to punch back- it’s the only language bullies understand. You have to be angry, strong, vigilant, and live close by. Also, if the judge sees you enough, they do start understanding the situation. I’ve been going to the same judge for 11 years. She’s seen restraining orders, mediation requests, changes in visitation orders, etc. I don’t pay for an attorney. I just show up for my court dates and plead my case. No one comes between me and my children. I have to trust the legal system because that’s all I have (I have no family in this country, one of the reasons why I’m being harassed). Stand up for your child, they will always remember that and you will be their hero.

  • Bec

    Please help me understand what I am supposed to do. My ex is becoming more and more angry and threatening as the final decree approaches. My 14 year old son lives with him, my 16 year old daughter lives with me. My son rarely sees me, his grades have dropped even more than they already were, he is angry and fellow students and friends of my daughter have told me he is drinking and doing drugs. His dad has completely brainwashed him into thinking that I am taking all his dads money, leaving them broke, abandoned them and basically ruined everyones lives. I fear for my life. I fear for the health of my son.
    I miss my son and so many of the above posts brought me to knowing/understanding tears.
    A huge hole has been ripped in my heart. I know he will come back to his mom,….but how much time will be lost before that happens. Why can’t my control-freak, blaming, vindictive ex see that he is hurting our son….

  • Mary march

    I live everyday feeling that there is no justice out there for kids against fathers who don’t want to have anything to do with their kids. In my opinion that is child abuse. I have been divorced for 8 years now and my ex husband has only seen them very rarely in those years. It’s hard to see your kids being so hurt by this. Everyone one tells me that his day will come but it seems that’s not true. Should’nth they be charged with child abuse.

  • Kells

    I have no idea what its like to be a mom but i do know what its like to married to a asshole! for those of your feeling helpless start writing letters to anybody with a address or email address county comissioners, state represenitives, news stations, newspapers, womens rights orginizations, congress memebers, who ever you voted for write a damn letter asking for help, you never know your story may strike a cord with the right person, the squeaky wheel gets the grease! it doesnt need to be formal state your situation and ask for help! you wont get help if you dont ask and sometimes like one of the ladies said before you need to “BITCH UP” and get yourself heard even if you have to stand on the steps of the court house and scream! make yourself heard.

    “Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent” – elanor roosevelt

  • other person

    i think you know what you need to do really deep down in you, you scared kids will leave you but they wont they will see him for the bully he is and always has been,

  • scared to say anything in case the rest of my kids go live with him

    hi i was married 21 years to a man i did love he used to hit me at the beginning of my marriage and after about nine to ten years when hed been out drinking i was afraid when he came home i used to tell the kids to go to bed before he would start with his verbal abuse and on my 21st anniversary i asked him to leave he was working nyts and i had no company he used to get upp n about 5 or 6 lay down go to sleep till 9 till was almost time for work at ten unless football was on he shouted if the kids took crisps or pepsi as he said they were his i had to do double so we could survive and in my mind i did think he was going with someone out of work as he used to come in in the mornings and talk about her eventully we tryed to make it work we went away 4 valentines day n he threatened to leave me there on my own knowing i had no idea where to go since the day we came back he moved out and the following week he was with this girl outta work the one he used to talk about and i have been to a solicitor and he didnt like that i did meet someone else of the internet 6 weeks later as i used to go on the internet to talk to people and i am happy with him he is the complete opposite from my ex husband but my ex dosent pay anything towards the upkeep of the kids and tellls me what they are allowed to do and what they are not alowwed to do he sends down sly comments about me and my partner shouts at the youngest 2 when they go to his has told the kids that the person i am with is a pervert nand was his fault the marriage broke up but i no its not true my oldest daughter was ok at the beginning with me going with him but after a while she moved in with her dad and had been really nasty with me and has disowned most of my family its almost 11 months now and he still dictating what to do if the kids go to his for dinner i drop them off and i have to pick them up which i dont mind as its cold i love my kids and im trying my hardest with the 4 i have living with me but it feels like i have to say yes to everything they want or they will move out and go live with him i just want some advice please

  • Dorothy

    Cut your loses and be glad to be free, the children have their own issues from all this to deal, you can’t fix the pass. I went though a very abusive marriage and ended up with nothing and two young children at 45 yrs old and the x years later staked my new husband and would not stop so I left. I went to school and worked three jobs but you must go on and find out who you really are.


    I was born on July 16th, 1973. In Valdosta Georgia. When I was born my dad was in the air force. We moved to different, making new friends was really hard. When my dad retired from the air force in 1985 we moved to Manteo, North Carolina. Where we lived with my grandmother. I took care of her because she would only listen to me. She passed away in June of 1993, when she passed away it was very hard for me (she and I were very close). Attending school in North Carolina was very difficult for me I was picked on for the whole time I was in school. While in middle school I was called names (Ex Moose and moose on train tracks I had braces) I had surgery done twice on my jaw to correct a really bad overbite. I was treated very badly by my fellow classmate. And I had very few friends. I graduated from high school in June 1992. The following year I met my first husband Scott Bope. At the time we met he was in the Marine Corps. When we first got married everything seemed fine. He was caring, and friendly. Our daughter was born on February 5th 1995. When our daughter was six weeks old he got out of the corps and we moved to Virginia Beach, Virginia. We lived there until our daughter turned two. Then he decided to move us to Ohio where he grew up. All of his family was there. All of mine live in Virginia or North Carolina. When he got us there his true colors showed up. He became very verbally abusive. Called me names and made me feel very small and week. He was also very controlling. If I didn’t get something done when he wanted it done he would get very angry. One night he got angry with me and hit our bedroom door leaving a crack in the door. On another night he was outside working, and I was inside taking care of the house. I let our daughter watch cartoons while I folded clothes. I had promised her that she could watch them until it was time to go to bed. At that time she and I would practice her reading. He grabbed my arm leaving a bruise on it. That bruise lasted three months. On which all charges were dropped against my wishes. When I saw how scared my daughter was I took her and left the house. We got help and found ourselves living in domestic shelter. Until my parents were able to help us move back to Virginia. My daughter and I lived with them until my divorce was final in August 2004. Since then his support has not been consistent. My younger sister lives in Currituck and offered to help me with my daughter, by looking after her until I got off work. I moved into a trailer park to rear my daughter. I met my present husband in July 2008. And we were married in April 2009. My ex-husband still will not stop trying to control my life, he sends me threatening e-mails, and phone calls telling me to let our daughter do and dress how she wants whether I approve or not. Because of my ex-husbands constant harassment my marriage is in danger of falling apart. His constant manipulation of all facts to benefit himself, is to say the least is draining. Since starting a new life he has stepped up his efforts. One thing he does is to push my daughter’s buttons over the phone. Which he has decided to provide. Instead of providing additional support. Granted with a new life comes, problems that are difficult enough. Jessica has many special needs none of which my ex-husband even till this very day has ever helped with. My little girl battles Crohns which is a two fold problem. Her Remicade and disease seem to be slowly killing, my baby. She was diagnosed with crohn’s when she was five years old. My ex-husband didn’t even want her to go to a specialist to find out what was causing her bloody loose stools. she had gotten so sick from it that I thought I was going to loose her. Jessie is a border line special needs student at Currituck Middle School, which leads my current husband and me to believe that Jessie will need constant support, well beyond the cut off point of the support order for Jessica. All of this is exasperated by driving half way to Ohio nearly every month for visitation. I believe all of this aggravation is to deflect attention, from the fact of his inadequate monetary support, my divorce attorney’s misinformation on his Military Reserve pay and its dependent benefits for Jessica.

  • anonymous

    To DM,

    I know exactly what you mean. I had several of these types of people pass through my life because I was born into it, as well as chose and attracted the wrong partners as a result.

    It’s a nasty tiring and exhausting dynamic to deal with.

    All I can say is that I am speechless, because “I know exactly, what you are talking about.”

    Our society/law/justice system is run and controlled by these sick beings too.

    I am convinced we are all placed in a trap and being tested.

    I now choose to live all alone, and don’t want to be in relationships, because I truly fear pretty much all people now, I know it’s probably too much to say that, but I am tired of people and all the games and naive people too..

    I don’t want too, but, I have had far too many strange experiences and no justice, no help, lack of understanding from people.

    I am truly sick and exhausted from it all, so much to the point that I can’t even let it get to me anymore than it already has.

    Sick, tired, worn-out and exhausted from so many deviant people in the world..

    like the woman above, I am now experiencing strange pelvic infections, and one so severe that I am extremely tired from being over stessed, scared, on edge too much. Taking many antibiotic treatments and now wanting to stay in bed all day. A result of dealing with a sociopath. Just worrying what’s going to happen next. I am really tired now.

    Out of work as a result of the sociopaths in my life, as the last one destroyed my entire social, work and family networks. These people are dangereous, then you realize, just how weak those you thought you knew, really were not your true friends because they allowed the sociopath to hypnotize them and not protect you from them, but have now befriended the sociopath who has caused you much pain and confusion.

    Some of these sociopaths are powerful, and I mean in a way that you can’t see or touch, like a form of deceptive magic, dark powers you can’t document, see, taste, touch our smell. Beyond our sense of reality. It is the strangest thing, they come in so many forms, never look them in the eye for too long. They can and will hypnotize you. You will become their friend and feel sorry for them, it’s so dangerous!
    Their charm, speech and appearance is seemingly and greatly sincere and they can easily get you to trust them, they are so smooth, that when your in too deep it’s too late. Some of the things you may get into with these types just cannot be explained or understood by the majority of people out there, but only to those who have suffered the aftermath of the sociopath.

    All people can ask themselves in the end is, “what in the hell was that”, that has just happened to me here??

    I have no medical insurance and no where to turn for help that I trust where there is an agency to help victims of sociopaths get to their lives back in order.

    Life is a strange thing;(..

    I am so worried and tired of life after such experiences, I just don’t know what to think or say about the fate of mankind with these types of toxins in it. In our families, communities, workplaces etc.,.

    Many people are still so primitive and don’t have a clue thinking people are more good than bad, nor have the instinct to understand what these monsters are doing even to the best and brightest people out there.

    The power of the sociopath has no boundaries, it’s sucks the life out of you whether your are, rich, poor, smart, not so smart, fat skinny, black, white, brown.

    It’s like aids or domestic violence, these creatures don’t discriminate in who they go after.

    But, they do tend to bother those who are not on to them more, but usuallly if you ignore their BS, you will be surprised at how quickly they can turn away and move on to their next victim.

    Everything they do, is without rhyme or reason, the goal of the sociopath is to destroy the relationships of others, use them like tools for financial gain, suck you dry, ruin your mind, body, health, then move on, without any conscience or shame at ALL. They will completely abandon you once, the mask of insanity becomes clear to their victims.

    But remember, they work 5 steps ahead of you, to poison the minds of others before you get to them, so that when you do tell others, they will already be convinced you are the one who is dangerous and really crazy,so that your toxic nightmare has only grown nastier placing you in complete isolation from everyone and everything you thought gave you a sense of safety.

    It will all be gone. Be careful who you introduce to your so called friends and family, because after the sociopath is done with you, so will everything and anyone you once knew. Unless, your specific friends/family or acquaintances have gone through it already, they will be the only ones you can hope understand you, otherwise, you will be doomed.

    Just hope you have enough strength and sanity left to endure a life of starting over with no one or nothing left when he/she is done with you!

    All you will have left is hope, you will have the strenght to get it together somehow and start over, relearning how to safely navigate yourself around new people and protect yourself from this sort of thing again.

    It is really dangerous out there!

    Also, many women get married and have children not realizing they can loose their children to these types of men. Remember to always get to know someone for a long time before engaging sexually, because, the sociopath will make you feel special, and loved in the beginning. You will know something is not right, but you will second-guess yourself. Then, after intimacy you are under a rotten/toxic spell.

    Just keep a safe distance with people in general unless you feel safe with them, otherwise, when something in you says “no”, believe me, there is an instincitive warning system within us, that we so often ignore and end up, like all the women in these posts complaining about their ex husbands brainwashing their children, controlling etc.,.

    It’s a dynamic in the USA that is getting bad. In some ways, I see women losing their rights to the kids no differently than in many 3rd world nations. We are no different, we americans are just being tricked in some way. If you really read between the lines, you can see it. This is why so many women can’t figure out what’s happening to them. We truly don’t understand the truth about humanity, and that we are all under some type of deceptive experiment of the powers that be. Let’s wake up and stop this madness from spreading.

    Think with our minds not our hearts. There’s plenty of time to give that part of ourselves away to others, but that gift is worthy only in time. Not a requirement to prove your worth to someone else.

    The Sociopath has radar for anyone who does things based on emotions. It is their source of energy and Narcissistic Supply. The Sociopath has no time to prey on people who use their minds first. They are looking for broken down, lonely or persons with low self esteem, due to previous damage as well. Remember, they are experts and finding softer, more trusting people to victmize. Or on the flip side, they like to go after popular ambitious people just to break them down too. As I said before, they don’t discriminate, but they do have a unique radar for targeting those who are too open and trusting, they are very drawn to this, as well as the lonely and desperate.

    It is not worth the pain and confusion and loss of important relationships in the end.

    Dealing with a Sociopathic person is like dealing with a six year old in a fully grown adult body, who just wants and wants and wants, without compromise, wanting instant gratification not capable of visualizing future ramifications of their actions and no sense of consequences.

    It’s never worth it. There’s no harm in being picky, being able to reject people from your space and choose, very, very carefully who you bring into your home, comfort zone and personal space, before any form of intimacy creeps in, remember it can be life changing and dangerous with unwanted/unwelcome outcomes.

    We are so programmed and hardwired to be in communites of crowds, bonding and relationships unaware of humanities slyness and dark sides. We are trained not to think like that and just be happy with everyone..Hah..Beware!

    The Sociopath can be a parent, close relative, neighbor etc.,. Be safe and alert to this. Remember, the Sociopath can be the active community member who seems to put out so much in helping others, remember, they are that good and charming to cover their real identities to the outside world.

    Think about it!

  • Angela

    Hi all
    these posts bring back so many memories pretty much all bad…. as Determined says “I have integrity” this is what helps me sleep at night knowing as long as I was not manipulative, as long as I held my head high, as long as I didn’t bad mouth my ex to my son, I will have nothing to regret and when my son gets older and asks ME what happened (and belive me that day will come)I can tell him MY side of the story. It will always hurt keep your integrity (mother or father).

  • penni carroll

    My name is penni carroll and my husband use to beat me. they just want control. I hate stories like this. penni carroll

  • Determined

    I dont know where to start. I just got divorced but my ex husband (I re-named him Mr. MANIACAL) will not let go. He has filed three motions against me and continues to do so. I did get custody of our beautiful daughter but it is shared. He uses it to his advantage any time he can. He likes to make me late for work or not pick her up when he is suppose to. He loves to tell me what to do and loves to point out that Im an idiot. He rants on emails (we cannot communicate on phone or in person becaue i had a restraining order against him). He knows how to tweek the system so he is borderline breaking the law but not to the point where it will get him much more than a slap and a wave of the family court finger. (He’s a cop, he knows how to manipulate the system…but so am I, the only difference is, I have integrity so I follow everything to the letter in fear I would lose my job…he loosely follows anything…because “HES A COP…NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO HIM”…He pounds his feet on thin ice and NOTHING HAPPENS.

    I am at witts end. I am so tired of getting slapped by this man. He has controlled me for 12 years and I finally got the courage to leave him and he STILL victimizes me through numerous motions…and more motions…and guess what…more motions. The judge is at the point where she rolls her eyes everytime he opens his mouth…but yet…no one does anything. I am soo tired of this victimization and stalking through the court system that I really want to make case law out of this. I think that when your ex husband or wife…continue to use the court system to degrade your life and you begin to lose quality to your life, it is a form of abuse and it is no different than getting punched in the mouth. Courts and police departments need to recognize this and they need to allow people like us (the victims) report these incidents of court abuse, which should be punishable by jail time or a huge amount of money. This will tie up the courts less with frivoulus motions and people can get their lives back on track and move on.

    Thanks for letting me vent…im so annoyed..but strangely i feel better now..lol.

  • Scared/Strong but Lost

    I had been married for just over 9 years and now I have been seperated for 2 years now.. I am trying to get through a divorce… My ex husband tried to get custody of his 3 children and I fought the whole way… I have my children and have moved on with my life or am trying to… Now my ex husband will not let my take the children out of the province (I live in Canada) and is stating that I can not leave our children alone with my boyfriend that I have been with for over a year… My boyfriend’s tires and my tires have been slashed twice and my house has been broken into once.. I don’t have any proof on who it was so the police and the courts will give me no protection… My ex husband is refusing to pay child support for the children and I have 2 special needs that the government will not help with at all… He also want to take over half the house that my mother and I own not my ex.. and will battle in court until I have no money left and have no choice but to settle…. If anyone knows what I can do about this please help me

  • Broken hearted mom

    Lea, my heart goes out to you. I know the pain you must be feeling because I feel it too. I can only say that you need to remember your son and continue to try every possible way to maintain contact and let him know you are in his life.

    You are also probably beating yourself up that you actually thought this would be good for your son and agreed to let him live with Dad.

    I am sure you have tried this, but have you contacted a pro-bono legal representative (I don’t know where you live as I live in Canada) to get a consent order changed to show police enforcement.

    If you nor the courts know where he lives, then I believe there is substitution of service rights that enable you to serve him at work, serve his girlfriend, etc.

    As a mother you also have a right to knowledge about your son’s school. I know this because I lived thru it. Contact the school and tell them you need information to be forwarded to you about your son’s school events, etc. It might be some work on your end but it will be liberating.

    I deal with a biker who is controlling and obsessive compulsive. After all the crap we just went thru do you believe he had the nerve to suggest “now that we have this court stuff out of the way, our son’s grad is coming up and I thought we should sit together and put this behind us?”.

    His whole family is trash talking me to my son and he wants me and my mom to sit with him and his family? What is he up to and what planet does he live on? I could manage it if it was just he and I as I have gotten pretty saavy at dealing with him – I am usually a couple of steps ahead to be honest.

    This is my point…..you need to be ahead of him and know what his options are and remove the threat. If you don’t know where he lives, how can you serve him and if you have tried and tried and tried, then the substitution of service may work. Ensure there are affidavits all the way along as that is the ONLY thing the Judge will see so ensure you do due dilligence on this area. It will be what saves you. There are generally forms on line that you can fill out yourself and you can head to a University and pick a law students brain. DON’T GIVE UP GIRL! Think outside the box and start fighting back.

    Please take care and please fight for as long as you can.

    Know there is a place you can vent and get this out….and get out there and fight for your god given right as a parent. Search the net and ask as many questions as possible.

    From one broken hearted mom to another, I can tell you that the pain gets duller, it never goes away but it’s the people who care about you who will get you thru it and unfortunately a journey you might not want to take, but one that will open your eyes and change the course of your life forever. Believe it or not, there will be good in all of this…..so look for the good and don’t give up.

  • Elsa,

    To provide a better understanding of what x-wife, still stuck is possibly dealing with, go to http://www.myspace.com/x15 under the song listings on the right side of the page your will see a link to a blog entitled ‘women, feminists, radical women’. Read that. A dynamic that has just been flying under the radar has finally been identified. The results of the posed study are VERY real. You may understand my rant above!

    Anyway, check it out. It is a very serious deal. Quite an education that must be taught.


  • Control freaks come in many ways. All of them are sick scum bag maggot f-ing wankers that are actually criminal to a major degree.

    My ex-wife and her sociopathic-pathological ‘friend’ (non-sexual relationship)… See the findings of Sandra Brown and the Dangerous Relationship Institute to explain the dynamic.

    So desperate for control and x’s attempts to break away (as well as find justice for the years of felony level crimes committed against her by this sickfck) her life is in danger. Finding that he cannot control her because her free will brought her to me in a true evolved love, the sociopathic attack began.

    Of course, step one of a sociopath is to project his sickness on to others. He blame me for ‘controlling her’. But the maggot faced pile of stinking shit can’t face the fact that he can’t control her and her free will lets her experience her own life.

    It is difficult as I watch the halls of justice be duped by a sociopath. Everyday, I see and hear testimony of horrific crimes being committed. But the law does not get it. I am watching major level, felony crimes committed daily. But the nature of the situation does not allow me to report it.

    It won’t last long. All the lame attempts at misusing justice as a tool of oppression will fail this sociopath. The x’s best friend/x-husband (we still consider ourselves married) is way too sharp to be fooled by such a sick mind. The sociopath has met his match. This puts x’s life in danger. “If I can’t have her, nobody can” thinks the sociopath.


    Control freak can go very far. I hate it all. Control freaks must be brought to justice. there are some who understand exactly what I am saying. I am watching crimes against a human committed everyday. I am right now reporting it to someone who will listen. Anyone?


  • Lea

    I stumbled across this page and wanted to share my story..if you don’t mind? I got pregnant when I was 18, had my son at 19. I was SO young and dumb, but I thought I was in love. I wasn’t in love, we fought every single day, but at the same time..we needed each other. Well, we ended up getting married when I was 21. With the pressure from family saying we needed to be married because we have a child and me thinking it wouldn’t hurt, because we had been together and living together for so many years. I knew we wouldn’t be together forever. I took care of my son, my ex worked, slept, and treated me like crap. He came first..we came last. On my son’s 4th birthday, my ex sent me an email telling me he wanted a divorce and that we (my son and I) were a distraction..he wanted to go to school and do what he wanted. It hurt, but I let him go. I let him take everything, except my son (we were going to share custody), my cat, and my car..everything else meant nothing to me. I was 23 and alone, but I got myself together and took care of my son alone. My ex saw that I was doing good and put me in a trap. All the sudden, when I was getting over him, he came back into my life. I decided to give him another chance..big mistake. We tried for three months and then on Christmas, he told me he needed a break and that we would spend the day after Christmas together. I was furious and ended the relationship once and for all. You don’t take a break from your family..especially on Christmas!! We got along for my son, but kept it at that. The man my ex was staying with was molesting my son and I found out. Went through DFS and a private detective. The man refused a polygraph and hid from all the protective orders I got to keep him away from my son..hiding so he wouldn’t get served papers I mean. All of the sudden, my ex has a girlfriend he got pregnant and all the sudden he wanted custody of my son. He filed for a divorce (I couldn’t afford it, so that was fine.) He wasn’t paying me support..I was working on my own. All the sudden he started following me, harassing me on the phone, his girlfriend was harassing me, they were starting to try and push me out of my son’s life, because all the sudden he wants to play daddy and make me miserable to get back at me. We were in and out of court for two years..I would tell my lawyer and his about the things he would do..they did nothing. I was scared and alone. The legal system thought it was cute that he got his new girlfriend pregnant while we were married. After two years of fighting and after he destroyed my vehicle so I couldn’t get to court or work..I thought my son would be better off with him because he had more money..because they were a family and I was just a mother. I was dumb. I gave him custody, but I got visitations, holidays, vacations, and he was not supposed to make ANY decisions without consulting me first (having to do with our son.) He was still harassing me and following me..threating me. Stood outside my apt screaming my name one night..in a fit of rage. Tried attacking me in court…everyone looked past it. The visitations with my son became only when they needed a babysitter. He would tell me to come meet him somewhere to pick up my son and then not show. I tried calling the police to get my visitations, but they were no help because my ex wouldn’t give me his address..so they told me they couldn’t do anything. I was allowed to call EVERYDAY before 9..he never answered his phone or told me my son was busy..even on his birthday. In order to make things better for my son..to eliminate fights..I stepped out of his life. My ex is now married to his girlfriend and they have two kids together plus my son. He won’t answer my calls, sends cards and letters back, won’t let me see my son. Told me he’d give me 1,000 and a plane ticket if I’d get out of his life. Told me he has a new mommy and a new life..that he didn’t need me in it. I drive by there house now (I found out where they live) and they keep the curtains closed..I never see my son outside playing. I am behind on my child support..still trying to get things together for me after he ruined my life..while he has two brand new jeeps, a new house, and all kinds of money. I am no longer this childs mother..it’s been almost two years since I have even heard his voice. My ex is also letting my son be around the child molestor..still!!!! I don’t know what to do. No one wants to hear about the bad things this man has done..they shrug it off. I feel like I have been completely shut out of my son’s life. Not to mention, since the divorce and the stress, I have a kidney problem..chronic infections. I am in and out of the hospital for it, but I don’t have medical insurance, so I can’t get to the problem. All I want is my son..I don’t want this fighting. I am now 28. I don’t have the money to fight for my son and I don’t know that I could handle LOSING again, due to the fact that he makes himself look all proper and good, but they don’t know how he really is. This is the short version of the story, but you get my point..

  • Broken hearted mom

    Had court today. Ex didn’t get everything he wanted but he got enough that I am sure this won’t be the end of it. It’s like he’s a vampire and once you have that taste for blood, you want more. He is a user and a taker and he won’t stop until he feels he has milked me dry. It’s all he can do now to get to me.

    He arrived with no lawyer and asked the Duty council to represent him last minute. I am getting stuck with having my lawyer whom I paid $300 an hour for, redo the consent order for support. How does that happen that you do the right thing in hiring a lawyer to represent you…not your ex. And now have to pay your lawyer to draft up the consent order your ex took you to court for? All because he comes unrepresented. I absolutely am frustrated with this thing we call a legal system.

    I work 3 jobs to survive and pay bills so that I can take a holiday or buy clothes for myself and don’t have to live off of soup. My ex is driving around in a brand new 2008 F150 all tricked out with Chrome, my son is working two jobs to pay my ex for his old truck ($8000) and a lawn mtc company that i helped build (for $3000). My son drives a newer vehicle than me and apparently is entitled to a gym membership and weights (which I was directed to pay 25% for). I still don’t get to see my son, I can’t afford a gym membership or weights for myself (I do it the old fashioned way of running outside) and all because my ex claims this supports my son’s interest in football? Meanwhile my support will double (from 400 a month to $700) and get to pay 25% of all the weights, gym memberships and other ridiculous expenses he rolled up into a “Sporting Equipment and Nutrition” category.

    This will probably be my last entry so to all you out there who are frustrated with the legal system….I cannot tell you that it pays to be honest, do the right thing or be fair. It sure doesn’t seem fair to me. When it comes to those who will lie, cheat and do whatever it takes to get their way, the law is not there to support the ones who follow it, it’s there to provide a forum for those who look to abuse it and take advantage of it.

    The only ones who win are the lawyers – I have lost my son and I can never be reimbursed for what my ex has done to my son or the relationship that has been lost. Guess it’s more important that they have memberships to work out than to work out relationships.

    Take care everyone.

  • Broken hearted mom

    The immediate remedy is to take him to court.

    You would think the courts would double check paperwork before it’s filed but he recently served me again (this time to amend the support order and S7 splits). He swore an affidavit that he included his entire tax return but he didn’t. he included nothing that disclosed his Line 150 which is what S7 proportionate amounts are determined by? Apparently it’s not the court clerks job to double check the information is there, it’s there job to ensure the affidavit swearing he included the information is signed.

    Nobody does anything and I bet he will claim “he didn’t know he had to do that” – again always the victim….yet here we are still having to go to court.

    To my knowledge, there is no remedy for this scenario except to point it out in an affidavit which I will now have to file to respond to his and hire a lawyer to draft it. I will also have to mention it to the judge in Feb.

    I get so tired of the fighting. He has manipulated and spoon fed my son so much crap resulting in minimal visitation (2-4 times a year for dinner) and now that my son will be 17 the damage over the last 3 years probably won’t be undone till he’s 27, has his own kids and realizez what’s been going on.

    In the meantime my son loses out on a relationship with his mom who loves him so much and misses him and my heart is broken. With every new day that there isn’t any contact, the pain gets less but so do my feelings. They are tucked away in a box somewhere in the depths of my body. I don’t even know where they are anymore. It’s easier to block them out than deal with them.

    Okay, I am done my sappy time now.

  • Jason

    Isn’t there remedies through the courts when he doesn’t hold up his end? I know in the US there is.

    “He didn’t stand by what he agreed to with any of those documents.”

  • Broken hearted mom

    Hey everyone. Thanks for your comments and I can see why you might think that I haven’t done anything in the past but I have been thru 3 years of court (2003, 04 & 05)- 4 different lawyers and spent over 50,000 on mediators, psychologists and lawyers to get the divorce done, establish child access (son will be 17 in Feb) and child support.

    He didn’t stand by what he agreed to with any of those documents.

    His dad is very manipulative (i feared this would happen when I reluctantly agreed to let my son go live with his dad) My son has been used and manipulated by my ex and there isn’t much I can do about it. I have asked the professionals and told my son will grow up and get it one day.

    I have contacted a lawyer again to draft up the documents in response to service so I can put this to rest however I know it’s not the end of it. My ex wants more money from me and he won’t get everything he wants from me so we will go thru this again.

    Hopefuly the lawyer can put some language in my response to cover off any future discussions about this.

  • Dorpheous

    As a coworker says, “Bitch up”. Get strong and fight.

  • Dorpheous

    Get a lawyer and go to court. It sounds like you haven’t done this.

  • Morpheous

    You can only be controlled if you let him.

  • Jason

    Isn’t there a court you can go to instead of a mediator? You are getting jerked around by him on his playing field. Step up and take this where it needs to go. It is hardball. Be proactive, quit being the victim and the follower.

  • Broken hearted mom

    I am from Canada. He is supposed to provide his tax returns but has refused up to this point (last 3 years). yet still wants more money and to be reimbursed for Section 7 expenses (which he also refuses to provide receipts for). How can one even review information to determine what their proportionate share might be if they aren’t provided the finances of the other and the receipts to prove something was bought? He doesn’t get or doesn’t want to acknowledge this. It’s much easier to suggest I “don’t love my son because I don’t pay more money to him or what I am supposed to for Section 7 expenses”. Unfortuntately for him – I have everything documented and am about 20 steps ahead of him.

    It just continues to surprise me that the very person who breaks the order can go ahead and serve me papers like he is some sort of victim in all of this (so not the case). I

    know he is just bitter and in my opinion, this won’t ever end till he gets what he feels he is owed….which….is money. Last time we went to a DRO – 3 yrs ago, for the same thing – he didn’t bring any financial documents so nothing could be discussed. I imagine it will be the same this time around. He actually made the comment in an e-mail that he was going to bring the last 3 years of e-mails between us. I suggested he bring his last 3 years of taxes and assessments so that we could actually discuss what he wanted to discuss (which he also refused to tell me).

    That too amazes me in that he could book an appointment without my consent (especially given that it falls prior to the timeline of me having to provide him with my tax return ????).

    He will act like a victim again which is hard to believe that the biker who is 280lbs, fu manchu, tatoos, bald headed, who used to be a debt collector and is still very much associated with bike clubs, would want to be perceived as a victim ? I guess that’s the world he feels comfortable in. Always a victim and it’s always somebody elses fault.

    This is the reason we couldn’t make it together, we could never resolve any issues as he wouldn’t ever finish a conversation (he would constantly switching the topic because he didn’t know how to talk or listen, or didn’t like the answer).

    Oh well….this too shall pass. At first I was really upset by all of this. Strange that after 6 years of being apart, he still has that ability to affect me by his stupidity. I know there is no merit in what he is suggesting, but it still astounds me that the very person who breaks the law (steals, lies, cheats the system ) can use it to get what he feels he deserves. Just goes to show, the justice system is not there for justice, it’s a set of rules that work for the criminals but not for the people who live honestly and work hard.

    I will let you know what happens the first week of Feb.

    Thanks for listening and your support.

  • Wow! Which state are you in? I’m shocked that they won’t let you reschedule, especially given that you are the primary bread winner (I assume.) I’d also be shocked if your ex weren’t required to produce his tax returns and more information about the expenses and his receipts. Stay strong and best of luck to you!

  • Broken hearted mom

    So…..this just in. My controlling ex-husband served me papers at my place of work on Monday. He feels that the monthly child support that the judge ordered in 2005 isn’t enough. I don’t disagree with paying what I need to pay. I have suggested mediation over the last 2.5 years to discuss Section 7 expenses. He sent me a list of “unreconciled expenses” that included “Pure country meats”, IKEA (3 x), weights, supplements, Wharehouse one Jeans” and football. He didn’t identify what any of these purchases were, provide any receipts to prove he had paid for anything and refuses to provide his tax returns or assessments so that I can determine proportionate amounts for true S7 expenses. He claims he “doesn’t have to” and feels he can just provide descriptions of purchases and no receipts to confirm payment.

    He also went ahead and booked a meeting with a DRO (dispute resolution officer) who’s intention would be to assist with working through any financial disagreements (don’t get me wrong, I think this is a good thing). However, he did not talk to me about the date and it conflicts with work – my first day on a new job in a new department. I tried to reschedule and was told by the courts I could not and if I didn’t show up that it would look bad on me. All I could do is call HIM and tell him to change it. Right! I am going to tell a 285 lb, extortionist biker who has a bee in his bonnet and who’s sole mission in life is to make my life a living H— to change an appointment that doesn’t work for me.

    he won’t, the DRO won’t change it and when I called the mediator to advise them the I wouldn’t be able to attend and reschedule I was told “they couldn’t talk to me and I would have to phone the DRO office”. this is crap and I cannot believe that my ex was allowed to go ahead and make an appointment without my knowledge or consent and that I cannot do anything in terms of changing the date? What generation do we live in?

    i am so frustrated. To boot, when my ex served me “for my copy of my tax return for 2006” he was supposed to have provided me with a copy of his. The court makes him swear an affidavit and is supposed to attach it to the Notice of Motion. It was incomplete. Again…how does this work. This VICTIM (my ex) harasses me to the point of breaking the very law he is trying to enforce and i have no rights. It’s not enough I have been stalked, threatened, he has used my son to steal from me and to serve me support orders as a witness at 13 years of age but I have no rights as my son’s mother. I haven’t had any parental time with my son in 3 years cuz daddy’s dark life is so attractive, he can buy harleys (he has two), take holidays, lie and decieve my son, his family, the law and the courts and somehow I am the bad person in all of this.

    Thanks for listening….just needed to get it off my chest.

  • Jason

    My 17 yo son has lived with me for 11 years. His mother has NEVER sent a dime in support to me. I never asked for any, either. She went the last 3 years without seeing him, and for the first time, paid for his flights to visit her 500 miles away.

  • One broken hearted mom who misses her son

    Hey there Marge, I feel like I am talking to my mom – her name is Marge.

    I am so sorry to hear about the battles both personal and health wise you are going through. I used to think that my situation was so specific and unfair. Several years of therapy later I have realized that I am not the only woman in this scenario and that “Life is not fair”. If it were, we mothers would have our children in our lives.

    My most recent situation is I have CFL Western conference tickets for Vancouver. I offered to fly my son (who is almost 17, plays football and lives for it) to Vancouver to watch the game with me and spend the day. He was excited about this until his dad got to him. I am sure my son was manipulated and beaten down mentally just like I used to get. He ended up “not knowing what he was doing” and I could sense the stress in his voice. He was being pressured. He is not going with me now. I work in the Airline industry and he has passed on about 6 trips. it’s tragic!

    Back to your situation. I verily believe that these divorce documents we spend so much money on….. have no teeth in them whatsoever! there is no way to enforce them. My ex did the same thing in terms of stalling, delaying, firing lawyers and then using mine to run up the bills.

    The only people who gain are the lawyers and I believe many times they are schooled to put more onto the table than what they take off. It has taken me years to come to terms with the fact that I have no rights as a parent. I feel so aweful for my son and I know he has good in him but he is being a little jerk and the PARENT in me cannot let him get away with treating his Mother like some stalker who is desperate to spend any time with him.

    I cry to let it out and then I get back up on that horse and keep going.

    They can only get to you, if you let them get to you.

    Like Peringa Mom said…..”why would we have left if it was so good?” Unfortunately our kids are used as ammunition against us and will end up with the short end of the stick. I know my son will have emotional issues later once he comes to terms with this. I will still be there, but I wonder how much damage it will do to him.

    I am happy your 17 year old is with you and stay strong on the medical side….they have made so many advances in treatment – my thoughts and prayers are with you.

    All the best.


  • I to know what you are going through.I’m going through a divorce and also breast cancer at the same time.My ex is giving me a hard time.Game playing is his game.It does nothing but stalls the divorce,and adds cost.My older son lives with his dad,and carry’s on the same degrading behaviour.He was living with his girlfriend who finally gave him the boot.My younger son lives with me and now his dad doesn’t want anything to do with him as he tells me I took his son away from him.which is a lie.He was 17 and chose to live with me.but his dad can’t except that so it is my fault and he punishes his son.He never makes sense only causes so much chaos.As he is living a life with a new or old girlfriend.But in no hurry to complete the divorce.It’s been a year and a half.He won’t follow through on agreements set by our lawyers.He makes his own rules,to benefit only him.I pity his girlfriend in time as she probably thinks she is loved.As he is a charmer and has status,convertible motor cycle, 30 ft.bayliner a very unual house all I gave up to get out of the abuse.all I want is alimony,and a peace of mind.He’s not worth the heart ache I allowed myself to endure.He’s only an image and doesn’t have a loving soul whatsoever.It’s all about him and never you.

  • You made my day. Much love and good luck to you. 🙂

  • One broken hearted mom who misses her son

    WOW Peregrina Mom.

    I have so desperately needed to hear such words. Your words have not necessarily released me but they have certainly provided my brain and my heart with some reprieve.

    My trip to Greece was wonderful and everything I dreamed it would be and more. It saddens me that I cannot share with my son all of the fun and wonderful things we saw and did. It further saddens me that I couldn’t buy him anything that could be connected to me being on a holiday, so i bought him a belt. To purchase a souvenir and give it to him, would only infuriate his dad and instigate yet more battles, threats and communication. That only puts more stress on my son.

    My son is stuck in a situation in having to live with an eternal pessimist, victim and for lack of being able to call him what he really is, I will settle for “Grumpy Pants”. I feel for my son him but at this point can do nothing for him.

    I feel as though I need to write him some sort of “letter” that will finally get turn the light on or magically get through to him and enable my son to see things for the way they truely are…. yet then I come back to reality to realize that until he is free of his dad (and I do believe the time will come) that it would all be for naught.

    I send him cards, texts, phone messages and rarely get nothing back. It breaks my heart and most of all, my son is missing all of the love and adoration that I have for him. The most recent attack on me from my ex is that “it’s nice to see that I have time for my new family and no time for my son”.

    My boyfriend has two girls (10 * 8) who give me much love and allow me to be a mom – even if it’s only every other weekend have saved my sanity.

    My boyfriend who also thinks the world of me, treats me with love, respect and appreciates me for those quirks and loves me for who I am, not what I am has been a god send. I have never known love before but I do now.

    I don’t know if I am losing my mind but sometimes I go to this place in my brain where I think “What will my son do if something ever happens to me and I am no longer here?”. Will he be living with this incredible guilt and will it destroy him? How can I stop that from happening, how can I save him from that pain….the short answer is “I cannot”.

    So I live with the guilt and the pain that I should have done something differently but then I realize that it wouldn’t have mattered what i did because any move would have been the wrong move as it wasn’t what my EX wanted.

    What is truely painful is the continued neglect that not only me but my family has to endure because of my EX needing to feel like a VICTIM in all of this and that somehow somebody has ripped him off of something he is entitled to or done the wrong thing to him according to his morals (which are interchangeable depending on the situation and the outcome he desires). It’s nothing for him to take something from you, but god forgive you if you should ever take something from him. It’s a one way street and you hit it right on the head when you said…..

    “Why would she leave all this being it is so good?”………

    Truer words were never spoken and Thank you, Thank you, Thank you…..for your response. I really needed to hear that and I will print it and use your note to keep me focused on the positive future that is ahead of me.

    If you were here, I would hug you and probably cry in your arms in knowing you innately understand my situation and that I don’t have to say a word….that I can “just be” safe to feel it and release it and know someone understands.

    So….here is a big e-hug.

    smiles ….from one Mom to another


  • Congrats on your trip to Greece! I am with you and understand your feelings. After my divorce I am still dealing with my ex-husband who despite being a millionare refuses to pay the settlement and continues to take me back to court over the tiniest of issues. Breaks my heart my kids (21 and 19) are caught in the middle of this but the best thing I can do for me is to show them that life is more than we think when we have the courage to live it rather than just settle for existence.

    Since my divorce, I have moved to Spain (I dream I had for years), have a wonderful, caring man in my life who is supportive and treats me with love, respect and dignity. And the best part? I am loved just for who I am and not what I do.

    I am still called a trailer trash hussie and a f**** c***, my name has been dragged through the mud in the town I used to live at, I am financially ruined and I wonder whether the justice system works as it seems to protect more the aggresor (who usually have the money and the skills to manipulate the situation to suit their needs… they can be quite charming and persuasive)…. at great expense, I had to come back to the US from Spain to do one last legal push….. however…..

    I can finally be me. I have stayed strong and with my actions, I believe very strongly, I am sending my daughter a message “Abuse, whether physical, verbal, emotional or financial” is not acceptable. To my son, to reject in his adulthood the pattern he saw. To both of them, that someone’s physical presence does not mean being emotional available……

    The best gift you can give your son is to be free, to be yourself, to live with courage….. and always with love….. for yourself, for others…. Resentment is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die from it….. Just think….. You are finally free….. Your ex-husband will never be free…. And for that, I pity him for he is worthy of compassion.

    My ex-husband’s girlfriend thinks she is the luckiest woman in the world… he is a millionare, handsome, witty, smart, sophisticated, there is much prestige, social stature, homes, vacation homes, cars, airplanes, motorcycles and money galore….. and I wish her well…. and for those that are reading this blog thinking that we, the ex-wives are mean and vindictive and you hate us without knowing us …. Ask yourselves this question……..

    “Why would she leave all this being it is so good?”………

    ………… Hence, you will find the answer.

    ….. I speak from 24 years experience and the many years it took me to gather the courage to finally leave.

    And for those out there who feel bad with the situation, I embrace you and leave you with a reminder……


    ….. In Freedom and Love…..


  • One broken hearted mom who misses her son

    Thank you all for your feedback and comments. It’s comforting to know that I am understood, that others are going through this same thing and survived it. It gives me confidence I can too and that there is an open forum to discuss.

    You hear of these horror stories happening to dads usually but it happens to Mom’s too! Nothing has changed with my son – and his dad just recently has begun harassing me for more money for what he claims are Section 7 expenses again this past week. It will never end. I don’t mind paying over and above what is not covered off by child support but my ex makes things up and forwards expenses like bulk meat purchase, weights, furniture, haircuts, etc.

    I imagine there is still more to come for me in respect to dealing with the ex bonehead. All the best to you and together we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Life does go on……I am off to Greece for two weeks for the trip I have wanted to take for the last 20 years. I knew I could never take if I was married to my ex-husband so this in itself is a realization of dreams and moving towards life going on.

  • Good for you hope it all works out, All those who want to cause trouble should be sent to their own island. Children are gifts from god and should not be used as pawns.

  • my husband has what I believe to be a narcissistic ex wife. she has made our life miserable for 15 years, 10 of the years we have been happily married. I think that may be part of the problem. she left him, and had been gone almost two years when I met him in may of 1992. she had been living with another man whom she marreid in october of that same year. she’s now on her third marriage and still not happy. she carries this husbands manhood around in her purse if you know what I mean. she has reduced him to nothing more than an appendage. july will make 5 years they’ve been married and his hair is so grey you’d think he’s been in the presidency. Her son who is a 21 year old marine will not have anything to do with her. she has tried, unsucessfully to ruin his marriage of less than a year and a half so when they moved to a new house in the same city he won’t tell her where he lives. she was in a mental hospital back in november of o6 for trying to commit suicide,and when she came out her husband bought a gun for her why I don’t know, mabe hoping she’ll put him out of his misery one way or another. Her 18 year old daughter is getting married this saturday to someone she’s known only 6 months she’s trying to escape also. As for my husband and I we can’t wait for the whole thing to be other with, then she’ll have no more control over our lives. she’s already began to get frantic at the reality of her loss of narcissistic supply. we are extracting the leach on saturday thank God. free at last free at last thank God almighty were free at last.

  • If anyone ever tells a mother that truley cares for her children to ever give up, than that person has never been a real mother, a loving, caring, lioness, MOTHER.

  • Hey, I hear you all the way I also have the same problems, i say never give up. My son is the most wonderfull thing that ever happened to me, but due to his dad I have not enjoyed him the way I should have. I wont give up I have gone threw hell and I still will. I can not imagine a day without my son and I do believe he would not even have his life if it were not for me, his dad did not grow him inside I did, you cant take that away from me, without expecting me to loose my mind.Dads are great if they can be parents but no one can replace a MOTHER EVER!!!!!!! and I will die trying to keep my treasure.

  • Karen

    Hi there,
    I have what I believe to be an ex husband who is obsessive, controlling and narcissistic and least I forget to mention….intent on getting revenge on me and making my life H E, double hockey sticks.

    My son now lives with him, I pay child support and I am lucky if I get to have dinner 2 times a year with my now 15 year old. He is so brainwashed by his dad and under such pressure (or so I believe) that he wouldn’t even answer the phone on Christmas Day nor call me. He doesn’t call me on my birthday and has alienated my entire family.

    All of this because I left my ex-husband who couldn’t be a husband, couldn’t love a woman, wouldn’t share anything. This resulted in me working 3 jobs to pay all the bills because he would only pay for the mtg of 850 a month.

    I should mention he did “many things under the table” for very bad people so leaving him was going to be hard. It took me 7 years to work up the courage and after the stalking, restraining orders (which resulted in him being arrested), I spent 50,000 dollars to fight my ex in court for my son’s best interest….losing because my 6ft2 ex husband who weighs 280 lbs, bald head, fu-manchu and tatoos all over him is somehow a victim in all this.

    He has used my son to steal from me, used my son (unknowingly) to serve me child support papers when I was already paying child support? How does this work? How does someone in life get away with behaviour like that and get system support in doing it?

    I find it funny that you have to take a “parenting after separation course” to get divorced, but you don’t have to take a parenting course to become a parent?

    At the end of the day, somehow I am the bad guy in all of this and my son…well, I miss him so much I tear up just writing this. I have no recourse, the police can’t do anything and neither can the courts.

    My son…..he is the one who is losing here…he is losing a relationship with someone who did everything she could for him up to his 14 years when he crossed over to the dark side. A mom who would do anything for him, who loves him, misses him and her heart aches to see his smile, feel a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek. A mom who would give up pretty much anything to hear him say “Goodnight Mom” or “How was your day”…just like he used to. Or….the kicker would be to hear those words “I love you mom”.

    I have moved on in my life and continue to forge towards my dreams and ambitions of being happy, healthy and recently enrolled to go back to school while working full time and holding down 2 other part time jobs so that I can pay the child support.

    I just don’t get it and know there must be a reason that I am going thru this, but it sure would be helpful to know what it is.

    Thanks for listening! I feel better already.

    One broken hearted mom who misses her son.