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Discontented and Mad as Hell in Cheese Whiz Land

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“I can’ts takes it no more…got-sta eat me spin-itch-gah.” Gulp, gulp, gulp! (Dan-danhh-danh-dannnneh from Beethoven’s fifth.)

It now appears as Madison is besieged, so goes the nation. But should, ought or must this be so?

Nevertheless, I must confess that the highly thoughtful, well-reasoned and articulate argumentation of the liberal-left, of the liberal media elite and the liberal progressive media as well; and of Richard Trumka and the rank and file and entire leadership of the Wisconsin public sector unions – I must truly admit is quite compelling.

Oh yes, I am thoroughly persuaded by them that Governor Walker is a dictator, a nazi, is utterly worse than Hosni Mubarak by magnitudes of worlds and is the literal second coming of Adolph Hitler. Well, so much for liberal civility. And where’s Keith “the rabid, mad dog” Olbermann and former representative, Alan “the foaming-at-the-mouth, mad dog” Grayson when you really need them?

“Oh, what fools these mortals be!” Correction, make that what fools these libs and commie-lib/simp, lefty pinko, union thugs and leg-breaker, commie-loving Marxists be. Sorry ‘bout that, jess couldn’t help mah self, jess had tah get that out of the system. But to continue.

To be sure, one must ask the question, why do these rather civil, open-minded, tolerant and unbiased, scrupulously fair and balanced, disinterested and impartial, utterly objective liberals hate Walker so much so that they have to personalize their invective against him in the most sordid, childish fashion?

Why? Aside from the fact that they are intellectual, philosophic and ideological leftist scumbags; because they feel threatened by him to their very core, in particular, to their sense of power and entitlement. Furthermore, because they believe and feel their right to strike and collectively bargain is a constitutionally protected, inalienable human and civil right. In addition they feel they are protected by the rule of law and in particular, by contract law.

Of course no one on the left is willing to admit even remotely that all this spin, sloganeering and propaganda of theirs about the rule of law and again, in particular of the sanctity of contract law – is fundamentally flawed in its intellectual premises and inherently corrupt in its actual practice. In a word, the liberal politicians and leftist ideologues have RIGGED the game in their own favor.

It’s like negotiating with yourself for a raise in pay (or in your allowance or in your entitlement benefits) while your boss, the taxpayer, doesn’t have a seat at this table. But sits idly by and then is handed the bill for what you have decided, for this fait accompli. Which I must contend is eerily and maddeningly reminiscent of the negotiations which would take place between the Madhatter and the Queen, down that magical rabbit-hole of liberal-progressivism; of how they ought to double their crumpets’ allowance and have Alice pay for it.

And then declare two crumpets per person to be a fundamental right, but not just an ordinary right, but a fundamental, inalienable human and civil right. And if one should demur, well then, “it’s off with (your) head.” All of which Milton Friedman has likened unto and equated with outright ‘thievery!”

Or allow me to address it thusly (of course, in my inimitably superfluous manner): The right to association is a fundamental right, but even that right has its natural limitations. I maintain there is a great deal of confusion and conflation at root core here between what a right truly is and what I maintain is a potential optative, and the twain are simply not equal nor equivalent in any shape, manner or form – never, never, never!

That is to say a perceived need or a desire or a wish; or a factional or partisan point of contention and or preference and or difference; or a whim or a caprice is always a potential optative, and as such, is never a right.

Or allow me to explain it thusly: When I was an acned, over-glandular, young, rather stupid, adolescent male, overflowing with testosterone and masculine libido roughly fifty years ago; I and my generation and those American males older than me and mine; that is to say, every living, breathing American male, every single, swinging dick of us, also possessed an unending, undying lust for two of the most beautiful, sensual and sexy woman who have ever tread so lightly with dainty feet and well-turned ankles, upon the face of this earth. These two of course were Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot. Va-va, va-voom.

(BTW, I’ve lost the acne, the youth and overflowing levels of testosterone, but everything else remains in place.)

Now pay close attention you libs and commie-libs for this should truly explain and encapsulate what the ‘potential optative‘ (as I employ it) truly is. The ‘potential’ consists in the fact that we all possessed the tools with which to achieve our goals, i.e., we all had functioning, hard, swinging dicks which could stand at attention in a heartbeat. Again, simply stated we all had the capacity, the potential, to reach and achieve whatever goals we desired.

Now for the ‘optative’: we also all had a desire, a want, a perceived need, an unquenchable lust to make exquisite, earth-moving love with one or the other or both of these exquisite, divine beauties. We all had the potential, the capacity; and the optative, the desire; to stick our throbbing dipsticks and swinging dicks into the honeypot vaginas of these modern day Helens of Troy. But what we did not possess was the right to do so, nor the necessary consent.

Do you get it? I doubt that you do for you see you lefty, pinkos have been attempting to transform, translate, transubstantiate and transmogrify what in essence are needs, desires, wants, factional and partisan points of difference and contention and special interest entitlements into inalienable human and civil rights; for the past two hundred years both here in America and in Europe. From the French Revolution and Robespierre and Mirabeau to the early transcendentalists and communitarians here in America, to Marx and Engels at al in Europe again.

“To each according to his needs, from each according to his ability,” is essentially a rather clever way of employing the potential optative in order to translate and transform needs, desires, whims, caprices, social and political differences, et at, at al, ad infinitum – into rights.

Yes, the right to assemble and to associate freely with whomever we wish or desire is constitutionally protected, but they are not absolute rights and they come with certain limitations, restrictions and must I dare say, certain responsibilities too.

In this manner, the right to bargain collectively is not a true inalienable human and civil right. Rather it is a potential optative wrongfully, deviously and deceitfully translated into a right.

In this regard I must ask the question, how is the political and factional desire or perceived need and economic entitlement to strike or collectively bargain, how are these, especially the latter, a human and civil right: how is force, coercion and intimidation by these union thugs a matter of inalienable human and civil rights?

And even more importantly, how is it a right for these union thugs and leg breakers, and their liberal political and ideological allies; for them to make workers pay them dues for the privilege of working, of earning a livelihood for themselves and their families? And to do so by so rigging the laws of their jurisdictions so as to force American citizens to join a union by force of law, or simply not be allowed to work in that particular state, county or city.

Well this dear readers, is nothing less than both coercion and extortion. Or to paraphrase Andy Stern, unions and leftist community organizers must use the power of persuasion (to achieve their goals and ends) or the persuasion of power. Well, that dear readers is nothing more than blind, brute force and strong-armed thuggery and it has no place whatsoever in our glorious Republic.

The mantra of the libs and commie-libs and their union allies is that they are perfectly willing to make concessions and givebacks but it is Governor Walker who is not willing to meet their efforts in good faith by his unwillingness to negotiate with them. Oh disingenuousness and thinly veiled hypocrisy, thy name truly is liberal-progressive qua lefty-pinko etc., etc., ad infinitum.

These liberal ideologues and union bums are as phony and factitious in their so-called concessions as President Obama is utterly phony and insincere in his used-car salesman-in-chief claims of deficit reduction. What President Obama is offering is something like two cents on the ten dollar bill. Alright, I exaggerate, it’s a whole whopping three cents on the ten dollar bill.

Or another way of expressing it is; the super, wholesale, discount, fire sale, going out of business, everything absolutely must go, we’ll absolutely beat all of our competition’s prices with our absolutely final, insane, kah-razy, Jewish wholesale price – instead of paying the full retail price of ten dollars, President Obama and the liberals are only going to charge you $ 9.97. Sechh ahh deal!

And likewise In Wisconsin the unions are simply stalling and creating moving targets. Their motives are anything but pure and in the final analysis they are simply posturing and or outright lying. For they know full well that if they hold onto their collective bargaining rights as they are now fashioned; that when they go back to their local communities, counties, cities, towns, villages and hamlets, and school boards; they will, through collective bargaining, regain whatever they have promised in the way of givebacks and concessions by a hundred to one hundred and fifty percent. Which means to say they will not give up one, single penny and in fact might get a pay raise to boot.

That is why they seem so reasonable and so willing to make concessions on the state level, but ready to go to the ramparts and place themselves up against the wall rather than to concede an iota on collective bargaining. Or for the teachers‘ unions, to allow such reforms as merit pay for good, qualified and successful teachers, or to allow waivers and or grants for poor and minority students in order to save them from utterly, dismally, miserable, abject failed, public schools. Or to do away with tenure and allow schools to fire incompetent, unqualified and even criminal elements within their faculties, without paying princely sums to the teachers in question and to trial lawyers and other expenses in order to navigate through labyrinthian union work rules and regulations with their added costs of mind-numbing, bureaucratic red tape and litigation.

And in addition their allies and brethren in crime in this social, professional and fiduciary corruption, all fourteen Wisconsin liberal senators – have a similar incentive to drag their feet and obstruct the governor’s reforms. Because such reforms as those requiring the unions to seek their dues directly from their union members rather than through the auspices of the state, threaten to diminish union coffers which constitute a direct conduit to these liberal politicians. The less dues the unions collect, the less campaign-funds contributions and the smaller the war chests for these liberal politicians. As simple and as venal as all that.

Moreover, this recent spate of liberals fleeing their public duties, obligations and responsibilities in Wisconsin and Indiana is more than just merely childishly asinine, is more than just the tantrum-like behavior of a two or five year old. It indeed and in fact is so very emblematic of the liberal and progressive and leftist mindset of entitlement.

If they don’t get their way, they’ll just simply pick up their marbles or their bats and balls and leave, and hold their collective breaths until they turn blue. It’s sort of the 60s non-negotiable demands redux and déja vu all over again. Many of these are still fighting those same old battles over and over again and just as childishly, solipsistically and self-righteously as they previously did – like spoiled, pampered and ungrateful adolescents.

Look here, the liberals with very little exception have had nominal control – that’s 50 percent plus one – of all branches and levels of government in America for roughly 80 to 85 percent of the time for the past 80 years.

And again, this recent spate of liberals fleeing their public duties and responsibilities is more than just merely childish and puerile. But rather it is also indicative of their sense of entitlement combined with their utter lack of personal honor and personal integrity.

When the libs and progressives took over the presidency and both chambers of Congress in January of 2009, the republicans did not walk out in a huff and a hissy fit of pique and angst. They stood their ground and behaved like responsible adults and fought the good fight as is to be reasonably expected of an opposition party. Nor did they shut down government for they simply physically could not do so – they simply did not possess the numbers.

Moreover they did not have to exclude themselves from the process, because they were precluded from doing so by the heavy-handed behavior of the libs. For the libs and progressives, as is their wont and character (or lack of good and decent character thereof, therein) simply excluded the Republicans from the process.

Which in light of today’s events I find thoroughly hypocritical and reprehensible, and ultimately a prime indication of their (that of the liberals’) lack of personal honor and integrity.

In closing, if you are a lib qua commie-lib/simp qua useful idiot, progressive qua socialist qua communist qua Marxist, whether old-line or mainline or Neo or New Age or Marxist anarchist – I truly hope that I have deeply offended you and above all else or at the very least – that I have given you a rather severe bout of heartburn and acid reflux and or indigestion. So thank you for your time and patience, and have a nice f..k..g day.

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About Irvin F. Cohen

  • By the way, I slogged through this entire essay to find the “swinging dicks”, “throbbing dipsticks” and “honeypot vaginas” just so you wouldn’t have to.

    Now, say “thank you” to Uncle Ruvy for having gone to the trouble.

    Oh darn, I fergot the page!

  • The problem in Wisconsin is that the Cheez Whiz is rancid – like the teachers who are such incredible role models, and the union carpetbaggers, and all the other shit….

    Yep!! Wisconsin – with an economy built on cheese, beer and toilet paper! The land of the Joe McCarthy School of Liberalism!

  • I liked the part about throbbing dipsticks and honeypot vaginas.