HOLLYWOOD — While some video games have made a successful transition from console to the big screen (“Resident Evil,” “Tron,” and “Tomb Raider,” for example), others have not done nearly as well. In fact, two recent movies — “House of the Dead” and “Alone in the Dark” — share the distinction of not just being bad video game movies, but also of being two of the worst movies of the past decade, period.
They also share the same director in German “artiste” Uwe Boll, who today announced his intent to bring “Pong” to the big-screen in 2007.
“Pong was the first video game, ever” said Boll. “It’s in the DNA of every video game made ever since. I feel I owe it to the fans of ‘Pong’ to give it the serious treatment it deserves.”
“The storyline of ‘Pong’ is as basic and as beautiful as a Shakespearean sonnet,” Boll said, explaining why he wanted to turn the game into a movie. “It features the forces of good, represented by the left paddle, versus the forces of evil, represented by the right paddle. And in between them are the lives of ordinary people, represented by the ball, being batted back and forth by these diametrically opposed primal forces. The people of the ball have no idea their lives are at the mercy of these two forces. And that is where the true story of ‘Pong’ lies.”
Currently, Boll is finishing production on a movie version of the game “Bloodrayne,” which will be released later this year, and is in preproduction on “Far Cry” and “Hunter: The Reckoning,” both scheduled for release in 2006. Critics expect all three films to royally suck.