What better way to finish the first half of the season than a homestand against the two worst teams in the division?
Monday, July 6: Kansas City 4, Detroit 3 — The Fernando Rodney Terror Alert Watch turned into a bright, juicy crimson. I almost wanted to snack on it, it looked so delicious. But, sadly, it was poisonous. Rodney came into a game in a non-save situation (remember how dangerous that is) and picked up where Joel Zumaya left off, lobbing a sphere of meat to Mike Jacobs, worth one point in baseball metrics.
Tuesday, July 7: Detroit 8, Kansas City 5 — Polanco hit his sixth home run of the season, but it seemed more like his 60th home run. This is probably because his home runs stick out like a jaundiced cheerleader, considering how much he chokes up. Winning pitcher Justin Verlander struck out 11 Royals, which counts as 6.4 MLB strikeouts.
Wednesday, July 8: Detroit 3, Kansas City 1 — The 92nd pitcher to make a start for the Tigers this year, Luke French, went 6 1/3 strong with just a little ol' home run as his only blemish. Luc — I'm calling him Luc, now — is the latest in a string of potential fifth starters. This game also marked the return of Clete Thomas, making my girlfriend incredibly happy, and stopped a series of jokes about her favorite player being demoted to Triple-A. For now.
Friday, July 10: Detroit 5, Cleveland 1 — Cliff Lee is last year's flavor. Edwin Jackson is the new Superman ice cream. More impressive is that Fernando Rodney actually closed down a non-save situation pretty well. Except for, y'know, those two walks.
Saturday, July 11: Cleveland 5, Detroit 4 — Yes, the Tigers lost this game. So let's not talk about it and instead get a movement going to bring back those Detroit Stars jerseys every weekend. Those things are incredibly sexy, even though they represent racism. If they were available for under $200, I would absolutely buy one. I guess it's time to make my own out of old dishrags and dryer lint. (Which is, I hear, how they made them back in the '20s.)
Sunday, July 12: Detroit 10, Cleveland 1 — Clete Thomas was a double short of the cycle. Brandon Inge was one home run short of having three. The Tigers were one catastrophic Zach Miner ninth (one out, one hit, three walks) from having a shutout. In conclusion, Tomo Okha: It's Good For What Ails Ya™.
I guess something more impressive than a 4-2 record against those teams would be better than just playing them. And you, too, can learn to answer your own rhetorical questions!