This series is a form of creative writing known as fan fiction. Detective Robert Goren is a regular character on the Dick Wolf television show, Law & Order: Criminal Intent. What follows is one longtime viewer’s breath of life into an already popular character.
I stayed late last night. I went into an empty office and reviewed some of Nicole’s interrogation footage. I’ve watched it all more times than you can imagine, memorizing every gesture, every intonation in her voice trying to get a grasp on her weak spots.
Not the likely ones but the real ones that only show when you take the time to review a tape. The things that a single eye blink can cause you to miss when sitting face to face. So last night I really had an overpowering need to watch her again when confronted about her daughter. She didn’t play the part of grieving mother, looking for sympathy. She didn’t work to cover her ass very hard and she was not thinking on her feet, not for Nicole anyway. I mean somewhere in the back of her head she had to have prepared for what she would say should this ever hit the light of day.
That’s what killers do, they concoct stories. That’s what she does. But this, it was different. The pure rage in her eyes when I accused her of killing her daughter, the way she shrieked at me like an animal. That wasn’t guilt talking, not murderous guilt anyway. She was appalled and outraged to be accused of such a thing and while watching her, none of her usual telltale ticks were there. She didn’t kill her child. She knows who did and likely couldn’t stop them. I think that guilt crushes her. Just the way she told me to stop talking about her, the way she insisted on it- I was touching something sacred to her, something far too painful for her to handle if her attorney hadn’t walked in.
Abused kids, well we do one of two things as adults – we either continue the cycle or become extremely protective of children in general. Even Nicole can fall into that protector category. Killing may come easy but every murderer has some invisible line that for whatever reason, they just won’t cross. Children are hers. I’m sure of it. That is why she did the right thing with Gwen and protected her. In her own mind, she has to. To correct what happened to her & to make up for not saving her own child. She tried to tell me about Gwen and then stopped realizing that I needed to figure it out for myself. This, this tragedy with her daughter is the same. I wouldn’t believe it any other way. And really, who would? That’s why she drove a few hundred miles and buried her. Who could she tell?
No one would believe that someone who has done time for killing in the past would make an exception and NOT kill their now dead child. It looks like a no brainer. I’m sure no one else gave it a moments thought. I know when I first saw the report and even for months afterwards I didn’t even toy with the notion that she didn’t do it because, of course she did. It was brushed off as just another body to dispose of.
Now, it’s different. Now I see it very clearly. Last night I saw it for myself in her demeanor, the way she carried herself. Now I’m sure.