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Delivering Hope: The Future of Surrogacy for Gays

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Making choices determines the course of life, and making informed choices paves the way for a beautiful one. Surrogacy is a challenging journey, and those who play the role of surrogate are to be admired.

When we hear the word surrogacy, it is instinctual to think first of the partnership between the woman who is carrying the baby and the parents who are waiting to hold the baby in their arms. In generic cases it is usually a mother-to-mother thing, but now, with changed perceptions, surrogacy for gays has come up, challenging some of society’s hypocritical norms.

To bring up a child, is it necessary to have a father and a mother? Can’t a baby be brought up with two fathers to care for him, cater to his needs, act as his mentors, and teach him valuable life lessons?

In liberal-thinking countries all over the world, the legalization of gay marriage has brought hope to millions. The lives of many gay couples, who were once forced to keep their relationships in darkness, have now been illuminated with freedom. Parenting is now a subject of discussion for gay couples. More gay couples are opting for surrogacy to experience the joy of parenthood. Sociologists observe that children with gay parents show more empathy for social diversity, and are less confined by gender stereotypes.

The idea of surrogacy for gay men has gained momentum now; gay couples are looking for women who would bear their children. Here are few of the available options for gay parents:

  • Donation of sperm from one of the fathers in a couple, for those that wish for a child that is genetically related to one of the parents
  • If either of the partners has viable sperm, they can engage in sexual intercourse with a consenting surrogate mother in order to conceive
  • Artificial insemination or in-vitro fertilization (IVF) can be completed for the surrogate mother 

There a are two kinds of in-vitro fertilization:

  1. Traditional: the surrogate mother is implanted with the sperm of one of the two gay men or a donor, by way of IVF. The sperm sample is collected either through masturbation or by removing it from the scrotum.
  2. Gestational: the egg is taken from the surrogate mother, fertilized in a lab setting with sperm from one of the gay men or another donor, and then implanted into the surrogate mother again.

A tandem cycle allows both parents to have the chance to obtain multiple embryos; some eggs are fertilized by one father and the remaining ones by the other. While there is no guarantee that both embryos will be implanted, it gives both fathers an equal chance for being biological parents.

The chances of pregnancy for a surrogate mother will be higher if more than one egg is fertilized and if fertility drugs are taken.

There is nothing like the experience of raising a child. The moment she walks, when she calls out to you, when she smiles, or when she touches you – those moments all equal bliss in the eyes of the doting parent. Being a gay parent doesn’t change the fact that a life that is dependent on you. Two fathers or one father and one mother, the child doesn’t care as long as he is loved and cared for. Surrogacy for gays has made that dream come true for thousands of gay couples who have the heart of father but never dared to dream about it because of their sexual orientation. Surrogacy for gays has finally made those dreams realizable.

About Amy Gold

  • Glenn Contrarian

    Amy –

    Pls. ignore Jennifer. Maybe she doesn’t believe in encouraging others and giving others an opportunity to anonymously ask questions that might not be so easily answered in public. That, or she’s just too young to know better. Good article.

  • Cass

    Omg. Have intercourse with the surrogate?? You ignorant fool. Take this drivel down. You’re embarrassing yourself.

  • Traci

    Seriously, as a gestational surrogate who has carried and delivered for gay couples, your “information” is disgusting and WAY off the mark. Intended Parents DO NOT have sex w/the surrogate….EVER!!! That is NOT surrogacy at all and incomprehensible that one would even have it cross their mind. You are taking something that is wonderful and a viable option for gay couple’s to build a family, and cheapening it to something dirty, illegal and immoral. Why don’t you try learning the REAL legalities of surrogacy and how it’s REALLY done. As both set’s of my IF’s have said, they are gay for a “reason”, and having sex w/a woman is 1 of those “reason’s”. I’m just appalled at this “article”. You really should be ashamed of yourself.

  • Jennifer

    Thank You Traci.

    Glenn-What are you talking about? You sound just as ignorant as the author.

  • Jordan Richardson

    I think Glenn was responding to the fact that you attacked the author and didn’t seem to make any cogent point, Jennifer. He had to guess at what your argument was because you plainly didn’t make one.

  • miracle

    Okay that made me giggle, no one EVER has sexual intercourse in the name of surrogacy. That would be an affair and typically an affair a gay male would not be interested in. IUIs, insems or IVF are the options.

  • miracle

    Oh I didn’t even read it all. Lets also make a big correction on Traditional and Gestational Surrogacy.
    Traditional Surrogacy- Egg of the Surrogate is used either through timing and insemination of sperm or possibly IVF if the Surrogate has blocked tubes or a tubal.
    Gestational Surrogacy- Medically and Legally referred to as a Gestational Carrier, the carrier’s egg are not used. Either, an Egg Donor in the case of a Gay couple would be required or the Intended Mother for a traditional couple, would have her eggs retrieved by a medical procedure, placed in a dish to be fertilized with the sperm of the father or the eggs can be split and some fertilized with sperm from each father. Once the embryos are between 3-6 days old they will be transferred to the uterus of the Gestational Carrier.

    I know this can be confusing but it’s best to speak correctly on a topic and get the facts before publishing.

  • Jennifer

    I understand your point Jordan but if you know anything about surrogacy you would be disgusted and offended as well. The author clearly has done zero research on the subject. My 4 year old has a better understanding of surrogacy that this person.

  • Jordan Richardson

    That’s the thing: I don’t know anything about surrogacy. Your comment didn’t help illuminate what the author had done wrong, it only served as a crass insult. There was absolutely no content to it whatsoever.

    The comments from miracle, on the other hand, better serve the discussion and point out the erroneous points made by this author in the article.

  • Jennifer

    In the future I will try and make my point more clear.

    The article was a complete insult to me, as a gestational surrogate.

  • zingzing

    “no one EVER has sexual intercourse in the name of surrogacy.”

    you sure about that?

    “The article was a complete insult to me, as a gestational surrogate.”

    it wasn’t meant as one, i’m sure. no need to fly off the handle. it was one sentence that described a rather obvious way to get the job done.

    all that said, i have to say that this article is just about the greatest thing ever. i never knew that “gestational surrogate” was really a viable vocation, but i guess i never really thought about it. and from the look of things, some of them have really thin skin… maybe it’s all the hor…. no, no.

    i certainly wouldn’t suggest that jennifer shows this to any potential clients…

  • Traci

    Are you serious zing? You really think that you (general you) can have sex w/a person to impregnate them and call it a surrogacy? Clearly you also need more research in this area. Absolute is it NOT acceptable to have sex for surrogacy, but it also IS NOT SURROGACY in any way, shape or form. What you are thinking as an “obvious way to get the job done” is an affair #1 if the man is in a relationship and #2 a PLANNED ADOPTION. Someone thinking it’s acceptable is just looking for “jollies” and attempting to legitimze an immoral act to make themselves look better.
    Try looking into Resolve or Rainbow families to learn more about surrogacy and how it has helped the gay community for well over a decade. And no, we don’t have “thin skins” at all. We’re tired of the bad light that people/media put on surrogacy and what they “think” it’s about. Suggesting that a surrogate sleep w/an IF to get pg is an insult not only to that surrogate, but the the surrogacy community in which we’ve tried so hard to build up and show the positive side to it. We’re fighting an uphill battle to keep surrogacy positive and views like this do nothing but set us back.

  • miracle

    zingzing Yes, I am sure that would not qualify as surrogacy. I own and operate a Surrogate Agency and have for several years and understand fully what the requirements are by the state to qualify as surrogacy. In order for the Intended Parents to go onto a Birth Certificate and it to be recognized as surrogacy we must provide the court with verification of conception through a doctors affidavit.

    Surrogates are typically stay at home or working middle class moms and wives. They have families and lives of their own. They are usually driven to contribute something significant to the world beyond their own families and lives. What a greater gift than to offer to carry a child for someone who would otherwise be childless?

    Intended Parents are typically a traditional couple with infertility and unable to carry their own child to term or a gay couple who for obvious reasons can’t carry a child. Intended Parents come to surrogacy to have a child to bring into their committed relationship the same reasons any other family is intentionally created.

    If they came to surrogacy to have sex with another woman, boy would they be surprised when she told them to take a baby home 9 months later. Add to that I can say we have not worked with one gay couple that showed any interest in women in any sexual manner. I am personally in a traditional marriage and if my husband was having sex with our former Gestational Surrogate I can promise you we would not be married anymore and I am sure her husband would have been less than happy about the situation also! In other words, people seeking the services of a prostitute would not be a good fit for a surrogacy arrangement.

    If you think about the background of a typical surrogate and what brings both sides together, I am sure you can see it would be offensive to a woman who brings her heart to help another couple become a family be equated with a prostitute or a person with low morals. I think it’s safe to assume this is why some negative comments were made about the suggestion sexual intercourse is an option for surrogates. They were offended and understandably so.

    Legally speaking if sexual intercourse occurred it would no longer be a surrogacy. It would be a child out of wedlock and the woman carrying would be the legal mother who is required to go through the adoption process in order to surrender the child to the couple.

  • Zingzing

    Don’t get ahead of yourself, traci. I’m just questioning whether such a thing has never, ever occurred. I’m not talking about affairs or “jollies,” or any of that. And I have never heard anything bad about surrogate mothers in the media… Frankly, i’ve never heard anything at all. Seems to me it’s a nice thing to do for someone.

    It may not appeal to you (and I could see why it wouldn’t), but it does seem like a good way to just skip the middle man, that being the doctor, and all the expenses involved in that. Either way, it’s effectively the same thing, right? It’s surrogacy, whether you find it acceptable or not.

    (and you can hardly deny the thin skin at this point…)

  • Glenn Contrarian

    Jennifer –

    Jordan is right – I took the side of the author because you were attacking the messenger and not the message. If you want to have your arguments taken seriously, then attack the arguments of the other person…but not the person herself.

    I just did the same thing on the politics page – our resident Tea Partier posted some more of his usual…stuff, and he was attacked for having faulty spelling/grammar/whatever – but his points were not attacked. So regardless of the fact that I normally argue against him more than anyone else, I took his side because he – and not his message – was being attacked.

    Comprende?

  • Amy

    Hi Everyone,

    My sincere apologies to anyone who might have felt offended by the information that I presented. That wasn’t my objective or intention.

    As much as I’m personally not in favor and still find it hard to comprehend,I want you to know that having sex with surrogate is one of the option in countries such as Bangladesh or Sri Lanka. The article by no means is targeted only towards our western world.

  • Glenn Contrarian

    Amy –

    Unfortunately, there’s a lot of people out there who just want to find a reason to hate, to toss insults out there. And sadly, it seems it’s those who speak the most peacefully who are often the most frequent target of those who hate.

  • miracle

    Amy,

    No offense intended but you should correct your information. I have to further question your information on foreign countries since it was not presented that way in the first place nor is your other information about what is Gestational and what is Traditional Surrogacy. That won’t change no matter what country you are referring to. Leaving your article up with grossly incorrect information does not lead to your credibility.