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Dear Paris, Here’s An Idea…

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For the past few weeks, I've been astonished to find there's been no front page news on the life and times of Hilton heiress, Paris. I mean, with America at war, the health care system in disarray, and a presidential election creeping up, what else could possibly be more worthy of breaking news than Paris's recovery from her time in the slammer? We're all praying for you, dear Paris; get well soon.

I'm sure I'm not the only one surprised by this; half of America probably expects Paris to randomly appear on every news station, perhaps speaking at the next State of the Union Address, where – when asked about her feelings on Iraq – she replies, "I'd love to go there; I've never been to Africa" and then concludes her speech with her signature catch phrase, "That's hot." Her dad beams with pride, her mom applauds enthusiastically, her dog Tinkerbell piddles from excitement.

Right — and the world goes further to hell in a hand basket; a designer hand basket, mind you.

Sarcasm aside, I, like so many other people, simply don't get why Paris Hilton is such a big deal. So, she's a heiress to the Hilton hotel chain. So what? I'm set to inherit my dad's one-man janitorial company and you don't see me getting attention (and he has a really expensive mop, people!). So she's blond, tall and thin. I can dye my hair, wear heels, and throw up after I eat. If that doesn't get me Paris-like attention, I guess I could just stop wearing underwear. I will miss you, Fruit of the Loom.

Truth be told, the whole Paris fascination is a bit of an enigma: she's not a big deal, she just makes herself one and that, in turn, makes everyone bite — even if they don't like the taste. Look at this article, I'm doing it, too.

The Guinness Book of World Records hit the nail on the head in their 2007 edition when Paris broke the record for "Most Overrated Person." Still, it's attention, albeit negative attention, and that's probably enough for Paris to deem it "hot."

I guess the whole Paris thing just makes me mad. Here is a person who doesn't need to worry about a job or paying rent or whether or not she can afford her health care premiums. She's been born with a silver spoon in hand and yet can't even seem to dish out anything good.

Is she helping make the world a better place? Does she take her elevated status in society and use it to help others by dedicating her life to a worthy cause? Other than the few license plates she may have pounded out in prison, has she really contributed anything tangible to society? Seems to me the only things she adds to our culture are scandals. I don't know about you, but I'm just about all scandaled out. They're so "Amy Fisher."

So, dear Paris, here's an idea. Instead of parading around in shirts with that oh so clever (and grammatically incorrect) catch phrase of "Thats Hot. Your Not," go give back to the world. In lieu of hopping from party to party (all while trying to avoid those "pesky" laws) go and do something that helps others. Take your money, take your fame, and take your undeserved power and volunteer at a Children's Hospital, fight for animals, donate money to help the African AIDS crisis, head a fundraiser that helps cancer research. Don't do this for five minutes once a month; include them in your life's dedications.

When you start to do this, your biggest dream will come true: you'll find that you really are a big deal after all.

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