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Daylight Wasting Time

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Just like most of you, I was under the initial impression that the reason we changed the clocks twice a year was to accommodate those pesky farmers in the Midwest that yearned for more sunlight in the summertime. I think it’s what I was told way back in high school.

Well, just like a lot of things I’ve been told throughout my life, the notion of farmers wanting more sunlight being the reason we mess with time is absolutely 100% complete bullsh*t. In fact, the only reason the US ever started conforming to this ridiculous practice is because the rest of the planet began to do it.

Apparently it all started with some English golfer who was bummed out the nicer weather didn’t provide for more daylight. He somehow convinced people that by changing the clocks people’s lives would drastically improve and would benefit the world in all kinds of ways when in actuality he just wanted a better tee time.

Somehow it caught on. The rest of Europe pretty much dug it and then the next thing you know, the entire people of Earth decided to push themselves forward into the future for half of the year. It really boggles the mind when you realize where all of this unnecessary clock changing originates from.

It just goes to show that time (although useful, don’t get me wrong) is nothing but a fictional form of measurement. Time really isn’t real. So when you hear about these idiots prancing around screaming the end of the world is near because of significant dates on a calendar, just keep in mind that human beings invented time. For example, remember back in December of 1999 when a handful of people were honestly convinced that the passing of a second would undoubtedly end the very existence of the human race? I’m not talking about Y2K, that was another debauchery, I’m talking about those who thought the year 2000 had some biblical significance that meant Armageddon or something. Time means nothing to the universe! There is no internal clock inside some star somewhere in the galaxy. It just proves how we are slaves to the 24 hours.

Daylight savings time is simply one man’s quest for a better tee time that became very popular on a massive level. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. Nothing spiritual, nothing agricultural, and nothing cosmic.

Now excuse me, I’m late.

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About Jeff Bakalar

  • Duane

    “Time really isn’t real.”

    Heh. Tell that to my hairline.

  • fluffy

    The current congressional proposal to extend DST is pure drivel. Congress wont force the automakers to up their mileage standards (CAFE) but they will tinker with the clocks in a meangingless crusade.

  • bhw

    Well, since we’ve sprung ahead, you should be early, not late.