Home / Darwin Award Candidate?: Arkansas Man Shoots His Own Testicles!

Darwin Award Candidate?: Arkansas Man Shoots His Own Testicles!

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“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” -Benjamin Franklin

How’s this for a piece of imbecilia? A candidate of the Darwin Award for self cleansing the human gene pool! :

[Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:”Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early one Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole’s pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. ‘Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead,’ stated Wallis. ‘I’ve been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can’t believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,’ said the investigating officer. On being notified of the wreck, Lavinia Poole (Poole’s wife – the other half of any offspring’s genome) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and whether anyone had gotten them from the truck!

(Note: Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did nonetheless effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)”

And so once again we remain in awe of nature’s uncanny ability to fine tune her system of natural selection to help ensure the preservation of the species! – zzb
ZZ Bachman / ZardozZ News & Satire Portal

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  • Jack Pyle

    I live in Arkansas. This alleged story has made the rounds. The wife was either a little stupid or was misquoted. When you go frog gigging, you don’t “catch” those things. You drive a 3 prong gig through their little bodies and “gig” them. Sort of sounds like Kerry’s deer hunting trip crawling on his belley.

  • This is also quite an old story. When did this happen, like 10 years ago? Surely Arkansas has moved forward considerably in cultural attainment since then.


  • jake

    I am an active frog gigger and usually alcohol is involved with gigging. Mayabe this had something to do with this accident. Oh yea and after you gig the frog you have to smash it’s head with a heavy object like a baseball bat because they do not die.

  • Eric Olsen

    I prefer this kinder and gentler approach to the Darwin’s – death is so final