I am writing from you tonight at 1:32 a.m., approximately two hours after I returned from the gym.
Early in the day, I decided to force myself to go to the gym on Thursday night. I bypassed the usual early-afternoon routine in an effort to expand my workout options.
During the tumultuous last few weeks, I have talked myself out of going to the gym with the false comfort of “I’ll go after work.” Of course, I never wanted to go after work, because I am usually tired after work.
But on Thursday, I made a pointed effort to get on that damn elliptical after work. And sure enough, I made it.
The theory behind that effort is that if I can get used to going both before and after work, I will talk myself out of missing days. It’s psychological, really, as are most things with this diet.
But, you might see, I am back on track. No fuck-ups this week, and I have successfully made it to the next off day on Friday. After that, I’ll make it seven days to a Saturday off day, and then we’ll go from there.
Yep, I know I have come too far to let this thing go downhill. Perhaps it would comfort you if I assured you that it won’t. I’m proud of myself for getting back on the wagon this time around, and I am becoming more certain that this will be a lifelong eating plan.
There really is no way to get past the fact that this pretty much has to be a permanent lifestyle for me. And I am perfectly okay with that, because I really need to put the issue of my weight behind me and stop worrying about it. Six days on, one day off, pick and choose the off days carefully, eat the right things whenever possible. That’s the key to all of this. I wonder if that’s how normal people eat.
Sadly, I really don’t know how normal people eat. I’ve spent pretty much my entire life on either end of the spectrum, either binging uncontrollably or limiting myself to under 1,500 calories in a day. But after I get to 240, I must turn my attention to my overall health, instead of concentrating on losing weight. That’s the only way to avoid ending up in the large majority of people who gain their weight back within three years.
Also, because I have spent my life not looking how I want to look. I am nearly 29 years old now, and these youthful good looks won’t last forever. So it’s time to take advantage.