So I sat here on Tuesday night and stared and stared into the screen until I realized that I am kind of blocked as far as writing this blog goes. It’s really a matter of figuring out what I want to get across right now. It’s kind of a weird stage in the diet. I am coming down on the final days, and this blog has been going on for over five months, and it has become a matter of habit now. So this entry might be a bit all over the place. But in a good way.
I do get bored sharing the same progress stories with you. But it does make for a bit of curiosity. So you really should know that I took three days off over the weekend, and had a good Tuesday and Wednesday this week.
The number 250 has, in many ways, temporarily replaced 240 because it is an achievable goal by mid-July. But still, 240 remains as the ultimate goal for now, and I look at it as a slight failure that I likely won’t get there by the time I go home. It’s become a little disheartening that I keep falling just short of these goals I’ve set for myself.
It might sound ridiculous to lose 50 pounds and complain about not losing 60, and I might agree with that. But it is frustrating considering that I have put myself in position to fall short.
Three straight off-days in each of the last two weeks have not exactly been smart. And in the past weeks I fell out of the habit of going to the gym every day (I went twice in each of those weeks).
What I am seeing now, in actuality, is what the struggle is going to be like while I am trying to maintain weight instead of lose it. The motivation will be different, and it will have to be manufactured a little bit more.
The past two days, I have dragged my ass to the gym in an effort to get it back to being routine. After waking up, eating a yogurt, and going straight to 24 Hour Fitness on Wednesday morning, I was back in the swing of things.
I am confident that I will get down to 250 by the time I leave for Detroit in mid-July, because I know what I have to do and I am committed to doing it. I do, however, worry about coming back in early August after a few weeks of relaxing the rules, and struggling to find my place again.
There are studies I have seen that suggest an inordinate amount of people who lose weight gain most of it back within a few years. And I believe that is true. And I am probably like every other former fatty who says that it won’t happen to him. Still, I think I am prepared to weather that storm because I have the correct mindset.
I can’t imagine eating any other way than I do now because, after two and a half years, it’s a part of my life. Likewise, working out has become a part of my life (though much more unstable than the eating), and I understand its value in helping me live the way I want to live.
I also understand the hard road ahead. I am long past the stage of thinking I can simply get to 240 with diet and exercise, and then go back to my old ways the next day. Perhaps there will be a day where I can breathe a sigh of relief and reflect on what I’ve done, but as soon as that sigh is over it is right back to doing what I did.
The most you can hope for out of a process like this is to emerge a changed person. I still have my faults, and I still have some things to figure out. But after all this time figuring out the best way to lose weight, it would be impossible for me to have stayed the same.