So I am not really bulimic, and I don’t think I ever will be. But I don’t mind talking about my love of copious amounts of food.
Maybe love isn’t the right word. I do love food. I love good food, and I love food that is rich and salty and filled with fat. When I find the right dish of pasta or the perfect pizza, I have no problems eating a lot of it. But I think where my problem lies lately is that I binge without any regard to what I am eating. I don’t love binging just to binge, just because I have set a day aside to binge, and just because, for that one day, I allow myself to do it.
I don’t mind going to the local Mexican restaurant that has the best nachos I’ve ever tasted. And I don’t mind ordering an extra large pizza from that place around the corner that makes the best pies in town, and working on finishing it all day. When the Super Bowl came around, I had no trouble making my $40 Super Bowl Sandwich and taking 10 hours to eat the entire thing.
But it’s when I just binge to binge that makes me think I have a problem. Let’s take last Sunday as an example. It wasn’t supposed to be an off day, and I was doing just fine until a friend called me to have dinner with her. I tried to pick a place where I could get a salad or something healthy. She wanted very much to go to a soul food place up the road. I relented, and ended up eating okay, but not great.
Now, in my mind, that ruined the day’s eating (yes, a very flawed mindset, and one that must be fixed soon; also one that will be talked about in further posts). So around 10 p.m. I wanted to binge.
What were my options at 10 p.m. on a Sunday? Fast food. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Lots of it, without ever really trying to convince myself I didn’t want it. Afterwards, I didn’t feel very good (surprise!). I went to the bathroom to do a No. 1, and immediately dropped down to my knees and threw up. It was partly because I didn’t feel good at all, and partly to atone for what I saw as a royal catastrophe of fast food binging.
That’s where the bulimia idea came in. It got me to thinking about the perils of this weight loss, and how I need to steady myself before I unknowingly bring a whole other world of problems to my life. It’s not really worth it if I trade obesity for bulimia. Instead, I’ll have to figure out how to eat like a normal person.
Anyway, back to the diet. Good Monday and Tuesday, eating-wise. Yes, I am still eating the same basic foods (cereal, sandwich, salad, fruit). I won’t apologize for that because I actually look forward to each of those meals. However, I do understand the value of shaking it up every now and again, but it seems that I go through phases with my menus, changing them up every couple of months to whatever I like. I remember in the 100 Days, I went through a stretch of Healthy Choice sausages (which I can’t find out here) and a few weeks of nothing but chicken breasts.
I figure at least now I am eating a ton of fruits and vegetables, and also eating Egg Beater omelets (with fat-free cheese, mushrooms, and onions) once or twice a week for breakfast.
And I’ll say that salad is the best part of every day (lettuce, tomatoes, onions, peppers, broccoli, cottage cheese, low fat thousand island, a few fat free croutons, and fat free cheese). And the fruit at night, well it’s good, but it also helps me poop. (And that’s one of the more important parts of my life).
As for my weight, Sunday’s little episode swore me off the scale for a while. On the elliptical, I am punching in 262, and that sounds about right. My next weigh-in will probably be on Saturday or Sunday, but I’ll probably get curious before then. So I’ll let you know.
Still looking to get under 260. That will be a fine day when it happens.