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Dan Nied’s Fortress of Weight Loss: Day 139

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In the grand scheme of things – and is that ever a good way to begin a post? – there are problems, and there are problems.

I have no italicized problems. Let’s be perfectly honest here, I live a pretty charmed life, at least as far as I can see. I might get by with few luxuries, but I have a job, a family, a few friends, and several people I truly care about and who truly care about me. I have faults, but I also have talents. I have character flaws, but I am also, at times, engaging and funny and profound. Sometimes I am great conversation, while other times I am kind of a bitch to be around.

I get high, and I get low. I feel each emotion with a certain sense of meaning. But I don’t experience either extremely enough to label myself with any form of manic depression.

Nothing too crazy there, right?

Honestly, it’s hard for me to take my problems all that seriously. Even when I was nearing 400 pounds and stuck in a small town on the edge of the world, I could never really get down on myself. These things that trigger my emotions are trivial to everyone but me, so how can I really put any weight behind them?

That said, I see a problem that does bear some weight with me, though I am not quite ready to italicize it yet. It sort of hit me today that this could be a real problem for a long time if I don’t correct it soon.

I am a binger. When I want, I can eat and eat and eat with no regard for my physical feelings or well-being. When I am done eating, I want more food. When I can’t find any more food, I wonder how long it will be before I can eat again. And I take almost no joy in these binges.

I can roll through twenty dollars' worth of fast food if I lose track of my order. I can eat an entire family-sized lasagna in 20 minutes. If I dedicated myself to the sport, I could become a champion competitive eater.

If I were a competitive eater, I would consider my binging abilities a gift from God. But in my current situation, I see it as a very dangerous issue.

Let’s do this equation: Binging + Determination to lose weight = Binge and Purge.

I’m not bulimic, but I can see where I might slip into that area in the future. I can see myself, down to 240, torn between keeping the weight off and giving in to temptation. Ahh, but binge and purge! Have the best of both worlds! That way, I can literally have my cake and eat it, too.

This could happen. Really, it could.

But let me tell why it won’t happen: I’ve gone through too much with my weight over the past 2½ years to develop another debilitating habit. It’s really just not worth it. Plus, I am kind of on top of the potential problem here. Recognition is a handy tool.

Anyway, I just wanted to bring that up on the heels of a pretty bingy weekend. The lasagna thing happened on Saturday, and I was more surprised than worried about the way I wolfed that thing down. It just illustrated to me that I am going have to figure out how to keep this weight off in a healthy way. That’s a task I will talk about another time.

Eating-wise, last week was okay, but not great. Minimal weight lost, probably obliterated by the weekend. You don’t need to hear me say that I have to buckle down this week and get some weight off. That’s the goal for now, starting Monday and carrying all the way through the rest of the week.

Also, sorry about the lack of posts over the last seven days. I got a little lazy, probably one reason this wasn’t a great week. Here’s to a week of regular posts.

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About Dan Nied

  • Kevin

    You doing alright my friend? The only thing I see about your post is that it seems like you feel you have control on whether or not you develop an eating disorder. Be vigilant, man. Those kinds of things can sneak up on you like nobody’s business.

    Another sign that this weight watch isn’t just a project for you. It’s gonna be a life-long process.

  • Alexandria Jackson

    Ah, you said the magic words “bingeing” that will guarantee the inputting of my 2 cents.

    First, yes, you binge. So do a lot of people with a lot of different things: candy, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs… whatever. Some say that even a little of any of the above is bad for you. Those people, who don’t think anyone should EVER drink (not even to excess) or eat to excess are probably cut from a different cloth than I.
    I think that most things, in moderation, can be OK.

    I’ve studied your menu and been bored to tears. The same cereal and turkey sub over and over and over. It seems like you’ve limited yourself to the one or two sets of meals that you know will keep you under 1700 calories.

    People have been telling you from the outset that your caloric intake was too low but you were comfortable with your weight loss. And it was working for you. But now, many months later, I believe your senses are bored.

    So, by denying a piece of lasagna on a “good” day, you have to splurge and make it a “bad” day. And of course you have to eat the whole thing because, “tomorrow I’ll be back in control.” But that is a slippery slope, my friend. I’m guessing it wouldn’t have been such a terrible bingey weekend if you’d let yourself have a big slice of lasagna and a salad and let yourself enjoy it. Damn the calories but not let that mean it was an “off” day. It would have been as filling as a turkey sub and maybe you would have let yourself enjoy the actual taste rather than scarfing it in just because you “decide” to have an off day.

    The guilt has to be eating you alive. Don’t let it. Maybe now is the time to reevaluate what your caloric intake is? Maybe now, since you’re so close to your goal, you should intentionally introduce foods like lasagna and pizza (healthy but reasonable portions)? Because lifelong lesson here, you’re likely going to be battling weight all your life. And trust me, figure it out before you’re 40 because your body is a lot less forgiving in your 4th decade.

    I truly think that you need to ease up on yourself in terms of your weight loss goals and timeline. You only have 30 pounds or so to lose. They are the hardest. Don’t starve yourself with 1700 calories and NOT expect to binge. Or, conversely, let yourself enjoy the binge foods in moderation.

    But please don’t start the binge/purge cycle. Kevin is right. Stay vigilant. If you’re going to eat a plate of lasagna, keep it down. You don’t want to end up fat + diabetic + have an electrolight imbalance. Plus it’s just plain gross.

    More opinion: please consider an ongoing lifestyle change that will allow you to have a piece of cake or lasagna once in a while so that you aren’t always feeling deprived. There is no reason why you can’t have one of each in a week, especially if you’re keeping to so few calories. If you hit the gym a few times, you’ll still have a net loss. And you’ll be happier.
    ~ Rev. Selma

  • Alexandria Jackson

    “And trust me, figure it out before you’re 40 because your body is a lot less forgiving in your 4th decade.”

    This in no way should indicate that I am in my 4th decade.