I know that I’ve been out of commission for the last week. And though I explained the reasons in Friday’s post, I should apologize again.
One quick thing to get out of the way right now: If you were wondering about the St. Patrick-St. Vincent High girls basketball team I mentioned on Friday (they were playing for the California state title that afternoon), I should tell you that they won in stunning fashion. Yep, the Bruins came back from a 15-point third quarter deficit to beat La Jolla Country Day. While all that was going on, I was seated directly behind the La Jolla bench at Arco Arena, straining my neck to see around their coach. Mind you, this was courtside at an NBA arena. Had the Sacramento Kings been playing, my seats (had they not been reserved for press) would have cost at least $300. Yet, I still couldn’t see a damn thing. Such is life, I suppose.
Sorry to lead this off talking about a girls high school basketball game. It’s become kind of a habit since I wrote 13 stories about this team in seven days. That’s a lot, and it’s really all I was allowed to think about all of last week.
But Sunday it occurred to me that I am supposed to be on a diet. So yeah, I had to snap back to that.
Actually, the diet was followed honestly last week, with only one deviation in calorie count. That came on Friday, actually, on the way back from the game when my coworker (who happened to be driving us) pulled into In-N-Out Burger.
If you don’t live in California (or Nevada and Arizona) you may not be familiar with In-N-Out Burger. I’ll just say that Friday was the fourth time I’ve ever been there, and it affirmed my suspicions that the chain is the Ferrari of the fast-food industry.
It’s not that I couldn’t say no. It’s just that I didn’t want to. By the way, the chain is spoken about more insightfully in the once best-selling book Fast Food Nation. If I remember correctly, the book says that In-N-Out Burger actually pays its employees a living wage and uses ingredients that aren’t shit on after shipping.
So yeah, read that book I guess.
Anyway, that made Friday the off day, though I had to fight hard to convince myself not to cheat on Saturday and Sunday.
The honest truth is, I have hit a slight wall in this process. I find it easier and easier to convince myself to cheat every day. And though I almost always come to my senses quickly, I fear that I am embarking back on the "There is always tomorrow" philosophy that got me into this fatty state in the first place.
Am I alarmed? Not particularly, but only because eating healthy has grown into a habit, and changing that habit takes a certain amount of planning and convincing.
I am, however, a tad weary of a growing tendency to overdo healthy items. For example, take the big fucking salad I made Sunday night. Now, when I make a salad, the ingredients can fit into two categories: The undoubtedly healthy things, and the reduced fat things.
The undoubtedly healthy things were as follows: Lettuce, mushrooms, onions, green pepper, tomatoes. The reduced fat things were: fat free shredded cheese, fat free cottage cheese, fat free croutons, lowfat salami, and nearly fat free thousand island dressing.
Also, there was salt and pepper to taste, but we’ll just ignore those in this example.
The worry here comes from my willingness to add in extras of all the reduced-fat items. Those, of course, are the things that add calories to the salad, and make it a less-than-ideal meal. But there I was on Sunday, tossing in some extra cheese, extra salami, extra croûtons.
While the salad probably didn’t contain more than 600 calories (not bad for dinnertime standards), it is just a trend I’d prefer to make go away.
As for the wall I spoke about earlier, I just feel like I am doing myself no good. Perhaps it has something to do with not going to the gym after last Tuesday (though I made it back on Sunday, and should get on a regular schedule from here on out). It just feels like I am doing the least amount of work possible and cheating myself in the process.
I sort of expected this to happen around the halfway point. But I am still frustrated that it has taken so long to get to this point, and I am still in a bit of gray area here, since the finish line is still too far away to envision.
For now, I just need to concentrate on getting down to 265, then 260. This is the summer of the diet, and the dog days are setting in. Motivation is scarce because there really is nothing to immediately look forward to.
But I have to push the wall down and break through on the other side. Healthy eating decisions, regular trips to the gym, regular blog posts and an entirely optimistic outlook on this entire process. That’s what this is going to take.