In an attempt to be more popular with Ben Affleck, Johnny Damon is about to sign a deal with the … you read this correctly … New York Yankees.
The preliminary deal is worth $52 million over 4 years, ESPN is reporting.
The leadoff hitter gained fame for being one of the hairiest players in recent memory. Legendary comparisons to Jesus, Captain Caveman, the Huzzah! Guy from Pod People, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer and Harry Henderson will be ancient history as the Yankees have hard stances on long hair and facial hair (the stance: don’t have it. It upsets George).
Also, something something World Series ring blah blah blah first championship in 86 years yadda yadda .300 hitter amazing defense.
But the facial hair. That’s the real tragedy.
So now the Yankees has the center fielder they’re looking for. Bubba Crosby won’t be the guy, and Bernie Williams — who the Yankees just might keep around — would be relegated to be the fourth outfielder.
So now Boston — whose fans are arguably the most hostile without ever resorting to riots (unless you’re talking about British tea) — loses their leadoff man. Their defensive anchor. Their personality.
And outfielders are going fast. The next most coveted OFer was acquired by the Cubs, as Jacque Jones agreed to a 3-year deal. Beyond that, the next best outfielder is probably Preston Wilson or the aging Reggie Sanders and Jeromy Burnitz.
Oh, by the way — Manny Ramirez probably isn’t coming back either.
I’m no Boston fan, but I’m fairly certain Bostonians won’t be too thrilled of an outfield with Trot Nixon, Jay Payton and Adam Stern.