Dear Elsa,
I've been in a relationship for about four years with a Capricorn and we have a three year old son together. I haven't been happy with him for at least the past three years and I feel like I need to move on... but I don't know whether it's the right thing to do, since we have a child together. I feel like it would be too selfish but then I feel like if I don't then I will never be able to live my life to the fullest.
I feel like he holds me back because he is so pessimistic and controlling. He never shows me any kind of love other than supporting us. I feel so empty, like I'm just wasting my life away. I've always told him that I need more affection but he never changes. I'm always the one initiating the affection and he just quickly shrugs me away from him.
What do you think should I do?? If I left him do you think I would be happier... and would it be justifiable?
Young Wife
Dear Wife,
I may as well state it plainly. I believe in divorce! For your sake, for his sake and for the sake of your child. Apparently you're not even married, but you get my point. I think you have responsibility to your partner and even more so to your child but in the big picture, I believe your primary responsibility is to yourself.
Further, I believe that when you take care of yourself, you not only take care of your child, but also act in the best interest of everyone on this planet. Yes!
Close to home, your son is watching you and your partner, and learning how things are in the world from you. So right now he's learning things are pretty shitty. People aren't happy and people don't love each other. And if this is all he is exposed to, what do you think his odds are of creating a different type of life for himself? They're not good.
Article comments
1 - Phillip Winn
Worst advice ever. If there's another man, things might be different, but as-is, simply awful. For the kid's sake? Um, the kid is going to presumably still see his father, though now without his mother's influence present. Sad.
10 Myths About Divorce
2 - klondikekitty
I agree with you 100 percent, Elsa, and it's people like mr. phillip winn and his pathetic Marriage Project propaganda who make it so difficult for unhappy spouses to leave!! Nowhere in all of his touted "myths of divorce" does it discuss how well the child could fare living with a single parent!! Which in this woman's case, may be a good thing for her, and don't kid yourself, Mr. Winn, the mother's influence will still be in the child's favor when going to visit the father, whether or not she is in the room during the visit!!
Thank you, Elsa, for reminding us that life is too short to live with selfish spouses!!!
3 - elsa
Thanks klondikekitty - No one should be sentenced to life of no affection just because they had a baby! This gal is responsible to her child and obviously making attempts to connect with her husband who is rejecting them. I hope she runs for her life.
4 - elsa
ps - I want my parent to teach me to BE HAPPY, not to be married! Marriage is not for everyone, quite obviously - look around.
5 - Phillip Winn
Do you two believe that love and affection last for eternity, or do you just never expect any marriage to last beyond a decade or so?
Love is not a feeling, and a lack of affection is not a lack of love. Self-centered twaddle masked with words that make it sound like you're for child empowerment is still self-centered twaddle.
I definitely believe that there are times when there needs to be dramatic changes in a relationship, and not just in cases of abuse (there, it needs to happen *quickly*). But to jump to divorce as the first answer whenever someone complains about how her husband doesn't act just the way she wants him too, that's irresponsible in the extreme.
KlondikeKitty, to judge me on the basis of one comment is a demonstration of the very thing I am critiquing Elsa for. She normally gives decent advice, in my opinion, but she jumped to judgment *much* too quickly here, just as you did.