I suspect that guilt is like inferiority: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So spake Eleanor Roosevelt. Due to free will and other highfalutin concepts, we choose what makes us feel guilty. In a way, guilt denotes a certain conceit; we feel bad because we think our actions hurt someone else. That must mean that guilt is empowering. We feel guilty because we have the power to affect the way others feel. Or we feel guilty because we have the power to do bad things. Wow! Guilt is starting to sound like a good thing.
I can see it now: "The Power of Guilt, Bob Etier’s dynamic explanation of the positive aspects of guilt…” Ah, but I digress. Or would the proper word be “hallucinate?”
There is no end to the things that cause people to feel guilty. Forgetting someone’s birthday, not saying please, running over a neighbor’s cat…the list goes on and on. The first time I called my husband an idiot, I immediately felt remorse, but he thought it was funny, so now when people ask me to describe Chip, I simply say, “he’s an idiot.” He’s not really an idiot, though he does think that most of what I say is funny. That, I believe, is called "humoring.” (Confession: I don’t describe Chip as an idiot, I only say that to his face. And only when he’s being one. He laughs.)
Back to guilt. There’s an old saying, “The Jews invented guilt, but the Catholics perfected it.” I don’t know about that. I do know that the fabulous “greatest generation” knew guilt's value. A fellow baby boomer confessed to me that she was very polite. So am I. If I’m not, I’d feel very bad. That means, of course, being polite to some of the meanest, most miserable scoundrels. Smiling and saying “thank you” when being stabbed in the back or slapped in the face.
Who taught me I should feel bad when I don’t treat everyone like life’s a tea party? The greatest generation—those parents and teachers and media role models (think Nancy Drew and Miss Manners) who instilled “proper” behavior through generous applications of guilt. After all, didn’t we all want everyone to think we were “nice” little girls and boys? The funny thing about being polite is that it often causes people to do something for which they should feel guilty. Who hasn’t been dishonest at some point to spare someone’s feelings?
Article comments
1 - Lynn Voedisch
Where did my comment go?
2 - Miss Bob Etier
You must have said something awful...you DO know personal attacks are not allowed, don't you? ;-)
3 - Lynn Voedisch
It's just like Facebook, I swear. I wrote a long thing about how I'm not polite to telephone wheedlers. I hang up on 'em and I'm not a bit guilty. So my politeness has its limits. I went on a bit, being funny (in my own mind). I looked at it in preview and then hit Post Comment. I thought it posted.
I came back and nuttin' there. I think everyone and everything is against me today. I'm taking a cat and going to bed.
4 - Miss Bob Etier
I think the cat cure is a good one--I've got four AND a dog in my bed! I think the gremlins were out to get you today. Tomorrow will be better.
5 - Yellow Pixie
Don't feel guilty. Well, try not to. Telemarketers will go on forever with their scripts and instructions only for money. I know this sounds bad, but they're probably used to all kinds of reactions already. Anyway, hope your next day is better! ;]
6 - Jordan Richardson
Telemarketers will go on forever with their scripts and instructions only for money.
You mean there aren't any passionate telemarketers doing it just for the love of it?
Christ, next you'll be telling us that fast food workers do it "only for the money." And here I was thinking those burger flippers really loved the scorn and abuse and low wages and lack of benefits!
I do feel a little bad hanging up on telemarketers because I realize that they're just doing a job in the end. One of my teenage cousins is a telemarkter because it's one of the few jobs she can get. The amount of abuse she puts up with on a daily basis is shocking and she's actually grown to appreciate the hang-ups. It's better than being called all sorts of names or cursed out relentlessly.
7 - Joanne Huspek
Ms. Bob, I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's easy to become majorly peeved at telemarketers. I mean, here you are, on a nice clip trying to accomplish something and some jerk calls you from across the country (or world) trying to line up suckers to donate to the police guild. The cops have more money than anyone, except maybe firefighters, so I don't venture down that road.
However, since coming up with my strategy for asking THEM questions, life has been considerable better and my mood has improved. I really want to know if Deepak - I mean, Steve - is making a decent living and how many kids he has. I want his address and need to know his current time and what he had for dinner.
This is the ultimate in politeness.
8 - Miss Bob Etier
Joanne, that's hilarious. Chip does something like that; he either cross-examines the caller (including where he's calling from; if it's a survey, who is sponsoring it) or says "hold on" and puts the phone in another room and walks away from it. I'll bet there are a lot of articles about handling telemarketing frustration.