Have you ever found yourself in the position where you know that your presence is making someone uncomfortable? Unfortunately what happens too often, and for the worst of reasons, is that I make slightly more then half the population uneasy. Why? Simply because of my gender.
Whether walking down a side street in twilight or sitting and sharing a doctor's office with a single woman, I can sense the other person’s unease. I feel helpless with the knowledge that just by what I am and being there the other person is made to feel nervous. Is this anyway to live?
How have we allowed our world to degenerate to such a state where over half the population has been so subjugated, defiled, and maltreated in general that the natural state between our two genders is at best mistrust descending down into fear? With women still being treated as sort of high maintenance appliance by society, things aren't likely to change for the better any time soon, either.
Its easy enough to point the finger of blame at the usual suspects: religious fundamentalist of all faiths primarily, but that’s a cop out. As is usually the case when we blame others we’re just as much at fault as those we try and pass the buck to.
There’s the dehumanization of women that occurs in the media. Commercials depict women as bleeding, smelly, and obsessed with vanity. I’m also still trying to figure out the connection between cleavage, cars, and beer. (Is it because the more beer a guy drinks the more deluded he gets about his appearance and ability to attract the opposite sex and the less capable of driving he becomes?)
But objectification can't exist without a willing audience. If men did not accept this portrayal, if we were not complicit in the continual subjugation of half of our species, it could not occur. You may think that looking at pictures in a calendar or a magazine is harmless, or that telling that blonde joke doesn't hurt anyone, but it all contributes to a culture of depersonalization. Each time we forget there is a person with a brain and feelings in that body is another time we treat them as less then ourselves.
Article comments
1 - Bryan McKay
Very interesting and thought-provoking piece - I certainly think the points you make here are valid, and your sentiments feel sincere. I did, however, find your opening paragraphs curious. Do you honestly feel as if you make women uncomfortable simply by being a male in their presence? Just being alone in the room with a male, especially in the sterile atmosphere of a doctor's office, shouldn't make most women uncomfortable. What exactly is it that makes you feel this way? I can understand where certain situations might create this sort of tension, but I don't know any women who feel like this under such harmless conditions.
2 - gypsyman
I just go by what I see. There have been too many times in waiting rooms where woman have seemed uncomfortable with my presence. I don't think of myself as very threatening in appearance.
I'm quite skinny, but I do have long hair and may be considered scruffy looking, and have a couple of tatoos on my lower arms, usually covered though.
But whatever the reason, some woman do get nervous when there alone with me.
3 - Victor Plenty
Take up knitting, or needlepoint. Always carry one of your projects with you. If you find yourself alone in a waiting room with a woman who seems nervous about you, take out your needlepoint and start calmly working on it. That should alleviate any fears she may have about you.
Well, that's my theory, anyway. Maybe some of the women who visit here will confirm or deny the truth of it.
On a more serious note, thanks for taking on these issues that deeply affect the quality of life for both women and men. I too often pick up the sense that women who don't know me are fearful of me, solely because I'm male.
In reality I've never harmed anyone, and probably never will.
4 - Jones Violet
This is a great article, gypsyman, and honestly, a little disturbing. As a female reading this, I was a little shocked to hear that you feel you're making women uncomfortable just by being in the same waiting room. I wonder what these women think? I can understand walking alone at night when there aren't a lot of people around and having the presence of an unknown man around - I've been on that end a few times and it is true, our minds start working in overdrive and we imagine the worst just because a man is walking quickly behind us.
This made me think of Inga Muscio's book, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence. While I personally think she's a great writer on many subjects, her view on men are a little out there, along the lines of: every man has a plan against women and that plan includes rape. It's a little depressing that women's views towards men have come to this.
Great article, though. Brilliant.
5 - Lisa
I just wanted to let you know.
I'm a 17-year-old female, and I read this article with one thought in mind: "finally"! I happen to be trapped in the middle of those disgusting rap-infested minds, and it sickens me. It works two ways, though.. Women have to submit willingly to being whores to continue feeding the need. It's in popular media everywhere, the message 'how is it that a man can be deemed a "slut" and not a female allowed the same priviledge?' Well, I do not consider being a slut a priviledge. I consider it a grossly demeaning dishonor, on both behalfs - the willing female and the requesting male.
I am not vain. I am neither hard to look at nor attractive, but I do not care. I am openminded, a virgin, and everyone I am close to knows it - and had better respect it, and do, because not only do I dress like a 'punk' [I am not one, by the way - it pertains to another personal ongoing social conscience project, yet I digress] but I also possess physical strength, am neither meek nor mild, and definitely not brainless. I am a highschool student, and most definitely looked down upon because I do not conform to the pattern of this world. [Romans 12:2? :D] Well, Biblical reference for Biblical reference, I say.
Secondmost, I also believe the reason this seems to be continuing to 'breed' in young adults is their apparent inability to think for themselves.
I studied some cases of women being stoned. Was that the one about the woman being stoned because of her having sex out of wedlock, even though she was divorced? Anyways, yes.. There is proof of it; governments are far too concerned about presenting a false sense of internal security by promoting the realizations of external insecurity.
I suppose that is a long and probably rather uncalled-for way of stating that YES, thank you, I wholeheartedly agree.
[I apologize for the length.]