Dear Elsa,
Am I ever going to find my soul mate?
I have done so much work on myself over the past few years and have reached a point where I would like to share my life with a good man and have children. I have had some love disasters but as I say, I seem to have worked through them. I am lonely and feeling a little as if there is something wrong with me.
And advice?
Loveless
Dear Loveless,
I’ll tell you what’ll help. Getting over the idea something is wrong with you will help tremendously when it comes to attracting a partner. And if you have any question about this, check these two personal ads I am going to make up:
Single Female who feels inferior seeks partner. Will need tons of shoring up and buckets of reassurance…
Or how about this:
Single female, ready to rock!
Which ad would you answer, hmm?
Look. You have Venus conjunct Saturn in your chart. It is almost given that you will be plagued with feelings you are broken in some way - but how you handle them is within your control. And at this stage in your life, these feelings really can be managed. But you will have a job of it! Like this:
“I suck.” When you have thoughts like that, you have counteract them with facts.
Remind yourself: “No I don’t. I have done a lot of work on myself. I am worthy of love."
“There is something wrong with me.” No shit! There is something wrong with everyone. It’s okay to be human… be worried, etc.
Remind yourself: "I am fine the way I am."
And let’s say you’re on a date with some guy. You may have to struggle with the negative messages that surface. You may have to pound them down, right there on the date, but if you do this work, eventually it will become second nature. What you can’t do is expect someone else to do this for you.
So I would start with some sort of affirmation, everyday. Look in the mirror each morning. My favorite message (to myself) is this: “I will not forsake you.” I like this because it reminds me I am responsible, and in control.
And if you understand that feeding the idea you are inferior is ultra, ultra damaging to you and the people around you, then you might realize that battling this tendency is your number one priority, each and every day. And if you do something everyday, the idea that you'll get good at it is pretty much a given.
Good luck.
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