Dear Elsa,
I have been married for close to nine years. During this time, I have had one physical affair and many online flings ranging from phone sex to cybersex. Hubby knew very little about this — except for my real life affair, which I was very upfront about. I was deep into the BDSM lifestyle online during that time and it was part of why I think I strayed.
Hubby and I separated, but later reconciled. We went back to church together (we hadn’t been going for several years) and I have been a good and faithful wife since then, or at least, for the last two years or so. I love this man and just want the bad temptations to stop. Sometimes though, I still have those desires for things he cannot give me. Will it ever go away?
Trying To Behave
Dear Trying,
Will it ever go away? Personally, I don’t think so. We have our sexual tastes and I think they are rather non-negotiable. You like what you like, I like what I like, he likes what he likes, she likes what she likes; and it’s sort of like hair.
You can color your hair anyway you want. You can try to change it, but it will always grow out and in your natural color. Do you think you can alter this? I don’t. I think your sexual tastes and appetites are part of your nature. And if you try to repress your nature, it is always just a matter of time before the dogs get out. And further, when you’ve held them back for a year or two or a month, well things can go from zero to sixty very quickly.
So I’m sorry. I know this is not what you want to hear. However, there is still hope. Why do you say you cannot get what you need from your husband? Are you sure about this — are you sure you cannot corrupt him? Because it seems to me that it would be very sexy to try.
Article comments
1 - RJ Elliott
So, let's recap: You broke your marital vows once physically, and countless other times emotionally. Your husband found out about this, yet still took you back. And now you're worried that you might do it again, despite all the church-going.
You didn't mention any kids being in the picture, so I'll assume there aren't any. GOOD!
You need to leave this poor man before you screw him over any further. Then, once you are single again, you are free to engage in whatever twisted sexual depravities your sick soul desires.
Have fun being single and choking on a ball-gag!
2 - Scarlett
I think the above comment from R J Elliot was heartless, insensitive and pig-ignorant. And i am surprised it was not deleted as the feedback info clearly states that personal attacks are not allowed.
I can really empathise with you. I have been/still am there. Elsa has some wise words in her response but as a Christian i would urge you to do everything within your power to save your marriage if at all possible. There is an excellent website called the submissive wife projects (assuming you are a bottom or submissive and not a top or Domme). I am sure you will find much very useful information there.
The very best of luck to you.
HUGS Scarlett
3 - Bill
I've been there since for ever... I'm heavily into BDSM and those thoughts are hardly ever far.
I love my partner very much, but she doesn't know about my dominant side... I've had online affairs but never in real life since we go together.
You have my support, it is a heartbreaking problem.