Inspired by a recent entry by DrPat entitled, "Why Men Are Just Happier Than Women," I've included Shark's handy-dandy reply.
Not only do I hope to balance out the stereotypes and evil misogynist sentiments portrayed in that sexist series of 'jokes' — but I also hope to score points with the babes, thus increasing my chances of getting a piece of ass 'cause I'm such a nice, sympathethic-kinda guy.
(NOTE: This wasn't some list that arrived in my email thanks to my cousin Louie in Kansas who happens to think every moronic little anecdote from his "White Christian Knights Against Evil Liberal Evolutionist Abortion Doctors" chat room is friggin' HILARIOUS.
No, I came up with these all on my little lonesome, which is either an indicator of my vast well of creative humor — or a sign that I need to get a life.)
Herewith:
Women...
* ...Aren't forced to compensate for their fathers' lack of childhood sports skills every Saturday morning throughout their formative years.
* ...Can sit and read every time they go to the bathroom.
* ...Can spend time alone with Catholic priests, Boy Scout leaders, and Baptist Youth ministers without feeling sexually threatened
* ...Don't worry about going bald
* ...Never have to rearrange their testicles while wearing tight pants
* ...Never get their sex organs caught in their zippers while drunk
* ...Don't have to constantly answer "What are you gonna be when you grow up?" shortly after their third birthday.
* ...Don't have to run a super-sharp piece of metal over their facial epidermal layer each and every morning of their adult lives.
* ...Can bludgeon someone to death with a baseball bat and then get off scot-free by claiming a "hormonal imbalance"
* ...Can commit cold-blooded murder and not only get off scot-free, but end up with a book deal and an appearance on Oprah merely by mentioning "years of violent spousal abuse"
Article comments
1 - Nancy
What you don't know about women is going to kill you someday.
2 - Victor Plenty
Even I know at least half these things aren't true, and I'm certainly no expert on women.
Or... maybe I am. Maybe it's time I stopped being shy and started asking more women out on dates. Maybe all this time I've harbored an unsuspected secret power to know what women want, and what it takes to make them happy.
... Nah!
Besides, this week I'm way too busy, what with the new Star Wars movie premiere and all.
3 - visualsimplicity
A lot of your bathroom ones sound good alone but in comparison, the bad that they have to deal with as a result of avoiding the male problems with the bathroom are probably worse.
-They don't have to shake, but they require tissue to wipe (which isn't always at hand).
-They supposedly don't have crap and urine all over their public restroom, but that bowl is still dirty, therefore they have to some how manage to seemingly sit over the bowl without actually touching it, and do so long enough to perform the deed.
-They don't get their organ caught in the zipper while drunk, but they can and have pissed in their own panties while squatting over the toilet when drunk (true story, recently happened to a friend of mine--it ain't pretty).
Oh and I thought the female orgasm was a myth.
4 - -E
Good luck getting the ladies. I'll let you pretend you know lots about them ;)
5 - Shark
Jeesus... This was a satire specifically aimed at...
oh, hell, nevermind.
6 - Nancy
I should have ended mine w/an "LOL"; I did think it was funny. Alas, a smile or grin doesn't show online.
7 - -E
We liked your satire. We were just being smartasses in return. Hense the attempt at a wink. We love you! (See, it's already working with the ladies!)