The new cars are from people moving up from New York City. We don’t really mind this. I’m sure you might here one of us bitch on line at the supermarket because they decided to automate the checkout line in an effort to save money and make the “city people” feel at home, but it would be hypocritical for us to say anything negative about people moving up to Monroe to get away from the city. But that doesn’t mean I can’t comment on their driving ability and for that matter the driving ability of many Americans. Because for all the good you hear about New York City and other major metropolitan areas the reality is they drive like crap and treat you like crap if you get in the way of an oncoming caffeine binge.
Now, I’m a patient guy. I love everyone. So I’m the last person looking to run someone off a road and anally penetrate him or her with a railroad spike. But I’ve been tempted based on the terrible driving ability of people in this country. People tell me to just take it. To let them be stupid. But I also don’t stand for bullshit. And I’ve decided to take action against the bad drivers of the world. The first thing I do when someone is behind me tearing up some rubber is slow down to a near crawl. I won’t slow down if they’re not bothering me. But the minute those lights come on, or if they start tail gating me, I’m going to make them feel like they’re driving through a school zone for slow children the rest of the ride. What idiot decided flashing your lights was the universal sign to speed up? I flash my lights when I see deer and other animals on the road. I do this to warn other drivers. But all flashing your light does when you want someone to speed up is pissing him or her off.
You should see the reaction these people have when you slow up. They curse, yell, spit, honk, and flash some more. You would think they were afflicted with turrets while watching a dirty movie in one of those “adult” movie theaters. Eventually they’ll slow down. Depending on how pissed off I am I’ll either speed up to normal speed and keep them happy and kosher or just totally screw with them. If they’ve really gone above and beyond pissing me off I’ll take off like the Flash and leave a lighting bolt in the middle of the road. But the trick to this little mind screw is not to take off until you have them moving to a snail’s pace on the road.
Article comments