Throughout the centuries, many people — from the highly-educated-but-slightly-cracked to the poorly-cultured-and-very-nutty — have been screaming that the end of our world was approaching. Obviously, these misguided fools and instigating charlatans were wrong, but that hasn't stopped other individuals from joining in on the fun. In recent years, another in the long line of wacky speculations that the world is going to end came to light: something scientists like to call "this stupid 2012 crap."
Do I believe the world will end in 2012? Er, no, kids, I do not. I may be prone to drinking until I’m barely able to stand, only to crawl up on stage to sing Journey’s “Separate Ways” to the delight of a bar-full of partying Filipinos, but I’m not senseless enough to think life as we know it will cease in 2012 — not without some sort of cataclysmic catalyst, that is, such as the election of Sarah Palin into the presidency (for example).
Nevertheless, for those of you who feel that the Mayan’s Long Count calendar doohickey accurately foretells the conclusion of everything we know (you are, no doubt, the same people that thought that whole “Y2K” thing was going to be it for us), I offer up this completely logical and plausible theory.
OK, so as we all know (or at least should know), the Mayans (whom some of you keep erroneously referring to as “the Aztecs”), set up shop roughly around 2000 BC; at least, that’s about the best anyone’s been able to tell thus far. Now, picture if you will, some 1500 years down the road or so, a very young lad — whom we'll call "Bob" for this hypothesis — has been assigned to create an entire calendar system for the whole of the Maya civilization.
Bob is as thrilled as he could be. This is the biggest honor that has ever been asked of any human being. The calendar is a revolutionary concept; one far more epic than the creation of the world itself in the early 3100s (BC)! But, being as that he did not possess a feathered quill, pencil, a weird-ass stylus-thingy, or any other variety of efficient writing utensil than the chisel at his beck and call, poor Bob had to carve out the whole calendar by hand.