Perhaps this is as a day late as I am a dollar short, but flashed across my AOL welcome page today (besides Corey Haim’s sad passing) was the story that Lindsey Lohan is suing the folks at E*Trade, and for ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS, no less. It appears that they made the mistake of using the name “Lindsey” in one of their cute but seriously wrong baby commercials.
(My TV viewership is down, way down. If the hubby were out of the picture, I’d give away all of the TV sets – yup, all five. Besides, commercials are to remote controls as trash is to garbage cans.)
I don’t know what planet Miss Lohan is on, but she doesn’t have a clue. Doesn’t she know that Lindsey the name is one of the most popular monikers in modern history? It’s used for boys as well as girls, and spelled “Lindsey,” “Lindsay,” “Lindsee,” “Lyndsey,” “Lyndsay,” “Lyndzee” and about a half dozen other mutated versions. I know this, because I deal with teenagers all day long. Not everyone is named “Orangjello” or “Lemonjello.” There are literally classes full of kids with three to four Lindseys at a time, making teaching (I don’t) a laugh riot.
How she could push the argument that “Lindsey” the name belongs only to her (as in Madonna or Cher) remains one of the greatest mysteries of this month.
If one Googles lindsey.com, you would find a real estate agency in Arkansas. Hardly glamorous, is it? You would have thought she would have snagged the domain name long ago if everyone on the planet knows her by first name only. It's not tough to do — I did it.
Perhaps Ms. Lohan felt affronted by what followed. “Milk-a-holic Lindsey,” that’s who the cute girl baby accused the E*Trade boy baby of fooling with. Personally, I found the commercial slightly amusing, and not for one second did I think Lindsey Lohan after viewing it.
Miss La La Lohan must be suffering from more than delusions. Perhaps the money tree has shed all of its leaves. Yes, she was totally adorable in the Parent Trap, when she was young, cute and precocious. Then came age, the parties, the drugs, alcohol abuse, boyfriends, girlfriends and dad trouble. There were decent movies, and bad movies. Now the poor thing is a worn-down shadow of her former self, teetering on the path blazed by other celebrities who have succumbed to the excess.
That some attorney accepted this case is beyond comprehension. Let’s hope a wise judge will throw it and Miss Lohan out of court.
Article comments
1 - Jordan Richardson
*Lindsay Lohan
And the fucked up little redhead's in rehab for alcoholism (again?). She thought the ad was taking a shot at her with its "milkaholic" thing. It probably was, too, but this is just a ridiculous "lawsuit" and I don't imagine much, if anything, will come out of it.
2 - Fitz
I agree, she should get no more than 90 million, tops.
3 - GAYLE
WHEN IS THAT GOLD DIGGING B**** GOING TO GROW UP AND REALIZE THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND HER????
4 - Greg Barbrick
Gayle-
I think the answer to that is when we stop talking about her.
5 - Arch Conservative
Kudos to you Greg. What is it with this nation's perverse obsession with celebrities?
Thousands of people will die this week but Corey Haim's death is the only one we need be concerned about because he was a celebrity?
I hope Lindsay Lohan gets what she deserves....syphillis.
I find less and less reason to object each new day when someone claims we're a nation of superficial morons.
6 - Jordan Richardson
What is it with this nation's perverse obsession with celebrities?
Um, celebrity obsession has been around since the beginning of time. What amazes me is that people with negative obsessions with respect to celebrities (ie. wishing them harm, etc.) don't understand that they, too, are obsessed with celebrities.
The only way to not care about something is to, yeah, not care about something.
7 - zingzing
lindsay lohan is a trainwreck, but as long as she's doing the wrecking in as little clothing as possible, i don't care. she can do blow off my buttcrack anytime.
8 - El Bicho
Let's see. She hasn't had much work in a while, so she and her team file a nuisance suit to help get her name out in the press and on the blogs to show she can still captivate and get people talking about her. As Greg wisely points out, Joanne and many others took the bait hook, line and sinker. You want her to stop these actions and yet you prove her right for doing them. Score one for Team Lindsay.
btw, I am thinking of suing you for typing "ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS" in all caps as it nearly blinded me and caused emotional distress and mental anguish.
9 - Lyndsay
Cuz i think of Lindsey Lohan when that commercial is on. Right. Hi MY name is Lyndsay too and there are a hell of a lot more of us out there than just her. And there are about 40+ different ways to spell my name. If anyone should sue anyone over anything so fricken stupid it should be me and all the other Lyndsay's of the world sueing Lohan for ruining our name. Crack money that's all it is. And last i checked, she was into girls and alcohol not boys and milk. GET OVER IT LOHAN!
10 - Christine
Lindsey Lohan needs to get over herself and go to "ego anonymous."
11 - Jordan Richardson
I look at this another way. I think we build celebrity egos ourselves and then love to blame them for existing in the worlds we created when we get tired of them. It's like spoiling a child rotten and then bemoaning the fact that the kid acts like a spoiled brat.
The only antidote to a celebrity obsessed culture is to, as others have wisely pointed out, stop obsessing over celebrities.
I personally find celebrity culture fascinating and I find the attention we lavish on it compelling. It really is reflective of our larger selves and our expectations more than anything. When they defy our expectations, we turn on them. As long as they live up to our expectations, they're in our good books.
Take "Lyndsay" for example. She obviously has certain expectations of Ms. Lohan and expresses them in her condemnation that Lindsday Lohan is into "girls and alcohol" and not the much purer "boys and milk." Now why else would she say such a thing? Her expectations of normalcy have been violated by Ms. Lohan. Then she adds the final punch: "Crack money that's all it is."
The anger associated with these celebrities from those whose expectations have been violated is also interesting. Again, Lyndsay here is very angry about Ms. Lohan. Others wish her harm or her form of "comeuppance" as a sort of "justice" to her violation of their moral or cultural expectations.
It follows that we have "liberal Hollywood" or other such assigning traits to further distance ourselves from when celebrities "let us down."
As I said, fascinating stuff. The best way to truly rid yourself of celebrity obsession is to ignore the concept of celebrity and focus on the concept of their art or their contributions, whatever that may be.
12 - El Bicho
I am into girls and alcohol, so I don't see what the problem is there. But I would like to see the 40 different variations of how to spell "Lindsay" because that sounds like some very desperate and sad parents trying to prove their child is special before the kid has accomplished anything.
13 - Christine
Jordan, not everyone is "obsessed" with celebrities.
14 - Jordan Richardson
I'm not too sure where I made that claim, Christine.
15 - zingzing
i'm not sure that this celebrity "obsession" is all in all a bad thing. people, after all, are interested in other people. to have this weird "class" of people that everybody knows, to some degree, and watches, puts celebs up there for societal adoration and derision. it's something people are bound to do, and, even if it shows off our bad side as often as our good, it's natural, if not exactly healthy.
pop culture is a fascinating thing, from how everyone can still at least identify the macarena (sp?) to how madonna manipulated pop culture to how other, less "pop" institutions of human life get sucked into the popular culture in ways that come back out as critique. we use pop culture and celebrity as a common ego, even if we want to separate ourselves from it, it's impossible not to recognize at least part of which it means to be part of human society in it.
jordan: "The best way to truly rid yourself of celebrity obsession is to ignore the concept of celebrity and focus on the concept of their art or their contributions, whatever that may be."
ah, but their celebrity is part of that art, because what are they to express if not themselves? let's take prince as an example. do you think he could have written "pop life" if there hadn't been "purple rain?" would it have the same meaning, or possible meanings? he rode is popularity for a while and it fueled his ambitions, but when it fell apart, he spent a decade denying his celebrity, putting out albums almost bound to undermine it. but, in the back of his mind, it was his celebrity that fueled that rejection. and for the last decade, he's been on an almost-pathetic (if somewhat musically rewarding) attempt to regain his former stature.
celebrity is a strange beast. it does things to a person. it warps them in certain ways, and it warps us in others. would you ever sneer at lindsay lohan if you had no idea who she was? let's face it, she's a victim of celebrity. she had too much too soon, and it's fucked her. but because she's famous, we can piss on her. hrm... this is getting to look too much like a perverse fantasy.
16 - Jordan Richardson
ah, but their celebrity is part of that art, because what are they to express if not themselves?
Very true.
17 - zingzing
"he rode HIS popularity"
18 - Christine
My bad then, Jordan! How are ya?
19 - Miss Bob Etier
Joanne, I love the article! It's everything I wanted to say about the Lindsey lunacy without me having to make the effort. You go, Girl!