We enter the church and others are milling around, waiting to be seated. Not a single soul speaks to me. Yes! Nobody looks at me. Yes! Nobody cares. We are eventually seated and then relocated to the bride's side.
The church is beautiful. The choir pews and some decorative items have been removed and replaced with lit candles. Great! It's beautiful in here. The sound system is kicking, but the music is not anything I would ever intentionally listen to.
Then the thoughts and feelings start assaulting me. The sadness. The beauty. Growth. Change. I start to spill, but instead I imagine a dinosaur lumbering through the city I was in. This dinosaur would be my friend for the day. I wonder what else is safe to focus on. Ah, there's a kid two rows up and he looks like a troublemaker. I bet he rubs his nose on the back of that pew and gets scolded. Oh yeah, I bet he's just awful. I hope so, anyway.
The bridal march begins and the bride is stunning, but her hair is awfully dark. Who did that to her? I'd chase 'em down and kick 'em right square in the nose. Roar!
My first of three almost-a-panic-attack(s) start now, so I look around for an easy escape and I know I cannot easily make one without upsetting an entire community - well, that lady beside me, that guy beside me, and those ladies in front of me. The spaces between the pews are taut. Good thing nothing itched as I sat down. Today is supposed to be about the bride, not me. I squirm. I close my eyes. I focus on my breathing. I focus on that dinosaur. I wonder if that kid is gonna make some noise.
The wedding ends and I dash for the double doors. The ride home is one spent without an emotional expenditure of any sort. Interspersed with any ol' stupid and insignificant thing are my wedding feelings. It's just too much.
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
What? No reception?
2 - Elvira Black
Yes...the reception, from my experience, is generally where the real nightmare begins. So do tell..
3 - Ginae B. McDonald
Well, yeah...the reception was *no party* either. I tolerated it better as there was soda and chocolate involved.