They reminded me of that little weird shit in school who was always looking for novel ways to get high. "Dude! Whippets, man, whippets! You get a can of whip creme and..."
Whatever, dude.
"Butane, man, butane!"
Okay, man. Sheesh, chill out little dude. You're gonna kill yourself. Those dudes were always the pathetic ones. You always felt sorry for them because their life was probably shitty and they were looking for any means to escape it. Now they've got kids trying to get high off of Krylon. Fucking dotards.
So here I am walking around with a bunch of burnouts that would make the stoners in school look hip. And they're old, man. God, it was pathetic. And they're like, trying to hide the fact that they're fucking pathetic burnout losers when we come up to the security checkpoint. They suddenly formed an upright posture and tried to affect a "straight" demeanor with the guards.
Dude, that faded and ripped-up shirt with those unsightly stains coupled with the haven't-been washed-in-years-jeans are just some of the first clues to others that you're not the fine, upstanding model of society that your straightened-up spine would seem to indicate. The other clues might be the unkempt beard and that dead badger taking up residence on your melon. I swear most of these dudes looked like the bastard mutant love children of Jerry Garcia and Abbie Hoffman. Then there were the sandals. Oh god the sandals. Listen folks, if you're going to wear sandals, at least make it look like you gave an honest attempt at keeping your feet clean. God, the fucking toenails that are half-gone or yellowed and that, whatever the hell that substance was...fuck it, that shit's too gross.
We're going through the checkpoint and the guards in the yellow windbreakers are checking us for contraband. We get through, and I look behind me to see some chick open up a pack of Marlboro Reds to reveal....a bunch of joints! Oh, the giddy expression on her face knowing she got something past The Man. Fucking skank-ass hosebeast. Toke up, skank. The world may look better to you afterwards, but damned if you're still monkey butt ugly to me.
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