I was never as pretty or as talented a singer as Britney Spears, but in 1987, when I was 25, I was a young mother of two children under two years of age. I was married to a man who would shortly announce he no longer wanted to be a husband or father. He would later, and conveniently, seek full custody. He was not successful, but not for a lack of trying.
My coping skills at that time were more infantile than my children. How I dealt with everything was less than polite and often described as scandalous. I was able to retain custody and would eventually salvage my dignity, but it was not a well-paved road upon which I’d traveled. Fortunately for me, the world wasn’t watching.
I didn’t need society exploring my duodenum with a microscope as has been done to Ms Spears. My Catholic upbringing – to include my mother, her mother, and a parish of wholesome, young mothers who, unlike me, got married first and became pregnant later – was ample for the task of judging my every move and bringing down the gavel on my parenting and marital skills.
In my defense, I was a drug-free and appropriately-coiffed stay-at-home mother. I did not gallivant through my city’s nightlife and refrained from public appearances except to buy groceries and attend mass.
In Ms Spears defense, she could’ve behaved the same way I did and still my mother and her entourage ala Catholicism would’ve found ample reason to strip her of her titles as woman, mother, and wife. Even having married first would not have provided protection from those determined to bring others down.
Having recently returned my residence to the United States from Germany – where motherhood is a respectable choice and mothers are supported in that choice – I feel alarmed at the way American society and its media have seen fit to go after Ms Spears. It being easier to secure a child than a driver’s license in any state in the union, it should come as no surprise to anyone that any young parent perishes, and yet our society is forever aghast.
While I am loath to point out what she isn’t (a homeless crack whore pimping or selling her children outright for her next fix) rather than what she is (a young mother who was already caught up in public mire before her children were born and who has since made questionable, if not wholly inappropriate, choices for herself and her family), it is worth noting the double standard with which the woman has been judged. Ms Spears was no more told of the rules than those rules changed without her knowledge.
Article comments
1 - Michael Freeby
A great read and I completely agree.
Very brave of you to come forward with your own experiences in the defense of someone experiencing similar problems! You made some very, very good points.
2 - El Bicho
Great piece, Diana. What really frustrates me is the phony indignation of the bottom-feeding gossip-mongers, who are actually happy eking out an existence on the downward spirals of Brtiney, et al.
3 - Frazzle
Outstanding! i agree 100% with what you have to say
4 - Katie
WOW... VERY well said.
I hope Britney has the opportunity to read this. You will not only maybe give her a little encouragement to be a great woman and mother despite the cruel things people have said and done to her, but you have also done the same for me. I'm 21 years old, a USAF wife and mother of two. I also know that life isn't a stroll in the park. Thank you for writing this article. I love it.
5 - KABBY
I agree 110%! We have all these people that are not living under a microscope judging Britney as if their hipocritical butts are saints and are so far from being one that even satan wouldn't have them. I have seen hundreds of parents riding with their children in their laps, standing up in the front seats, hopping from man to man, and smoke more crack and drink more alcohol than any rock band in history. "Do not judge lest ye be judged!" None of us has any room to try and make Britney feel like less than a mother because I have yet, including myself, to see perfect parents and I consider myself to be an excellent mother. How many of us would be bad mouthing Britney if the tabloids were scrutinizing our every move? I think very, very few!
6 - donna
Very Intelligent Message from a real heart of a woman!A fair judging of Two sides of life!
7 - James
Great piece, Diana!! I too find it frustrating the double standard applied to all the 'it' girls in the spotlight at the moment. While their behaviour is sometimes (nay often!) questionable, the barrage of self-righteous "tsk-ing of every gossipy, maternal figure in the land" (often not limited to the maternal figures) is sickening.
Well said and well written!!
8 - Louis
Let's suppose B.S. is not in the least her fault the way she has turned out. Let us also suppose she has never heard "it be better that a millstone be tied around her neck and she be cast into the sea" than to scandalize the little ones
9 - Ciara
Absolutely excellent article, now village gossip has been elevated to global news, but its up to us to buy into it or not!, so as you said in several of your other articles we all need to grow a set and NOT give succour to the moral majority...Anyway it just goes to prove the more things change the more they remain the same.
Cheers,
Ciara
10 - daryl d
I find it absolutely pathetic how people enjoy a public figure's misery. If Britney committed some crime, I would understand. She did nothing but make some bad choices, which we all have done at one point or another.
11 - Nancy
Shadenfreude is a seemingly normal human/anthropoid reaction to situations wherein people feel that someone who has fame & fortune does not deserve them, & that they themselves would be far better behaved in that person's place, given their good luck & superior resources. It usually involves a celebrity who does indeed indulge in more-than-ordinary brattiness, arrogance, or just plain Bad Behavior and/or shamelessness. Not being a fan of hers, or interested in celebrities whatsoever, I can't say if she's guilty of just a few bad choices - or outright nasty or arrogant behavior. It seems to me I have the general impression from what I've been unable to avoid hearing of her that she behaves badly, then deliberately goes out of her way to attract if not demand attention to it. That being the case, how can she complain of public exposure?
12 - Ray Ellis
Schadenfreude has absolutely nothing to do with some sort of celebrity jealousy. It's a uniguely German word that has no equivalent in English. Loosely translated, it means "taking pleasure in the misfortune of others," and it generally works on a more intimate level than the oh so sad life of has-been pop stars. And it has absolutely nothing to do with placing oneself in a superior position.
That being cleared up, Britney Spears has had more than her fifteen minutes. Comment #5: I certainly hope you grow out of your blase attitude concerning child-rearing. If the parents you know are "riding with their children in their laps, standing up in the front seats, hopping from man to man, and smoke more crack and drink more alcohol than any rock band in history," they have no businsee being parents, and should be reported to Child Protective Services.
It's one thing to express empathy, as the article did eloquently. It's another to make excuses for unfit parents merely because they're famous.
The blade slices both ways.
13 - Matthew T. Sussman
I remember when I was Vanessa Hudgens. I just wanted the attention.
14 - diana hartman
kisses, van...if i may call you that...
what's with the mustache?
15 - Sean Mahoney
Wow! what a brave and well written article! Kudos!
16 - diana hartman
thank you everyone :)
17 - highheels
Excellent. Thanks. Keep going. ;)
18 - Ti Piace
She is one of my favourite singer .. anyway I think she lost a bit in last two/three years... Anycase for me is still one of the best!